But will I ever run a marathon? Now, that is a good joke. Better than the one I heard of the Jalapeno and not much humor can beat that.
It’s true that there comes a time in every runner’s life when they have to face the future. After tempo runs and 5Ks, a runner must begin to step up the thinking of their potential. We eventually all ask ourselves, “Is a marathon next?”
Well take note: I will never ever, not ever, not once, ever run a marathon, ever.
Do you know how this madness started? Well, allow me to tell you.
The modern Athens Marathon commemorates the run of the soldier Pheidippides from a battlefield at the site of the town of Marathon, Greece, to Athens in 490 B.C. Legend has it that Pheidippides delivered the important message “Niki!” meaning “Victory!” and then collapsed. Dead.
The Athens Marathon is recognized as the original marathon course and was the same course used in the 2004 Olympics held in Athens. The legend of Pheidippides was honored by a 24.85 mile (40,000 meters) run from Marathon Bridge to Olympic Stadium in Athens.
At the 1908 Olympic Games in London, the distance of the marathon was changed to 26.2 miles to cover ground so that the race could finish in front of the royal family’s viewing box (What a reason!)
Doesn’t that sound awesome? Running until you pass out, I mean.
Despite having my own sort of lifestyle that occasionally puts me at the starting line and practicing my running form, I am quite often the asker of strange questions and the girl that makes those random awkward comments to friends of mine who are what one would call, “serious runners”.
“Doesn’t it hurt your knees?”
“Won’t running … like, give you arthritis later in life? I probably read that somewhere.”
“It’s too hard. You should probably stop.”
“You’re running more than 10 miles? That’s sick. I don’t even drive that far.”
“How can you run and smile at the same time?”
The truth of the matter is, running includes aspects that are really just not appealing at all.
Chafing.
Do I really need to say anything else?
After throwing on your oldest, luckiest and softest t-shirt, you’d never think that during the course of your hour long trot, your shirt would slowly turn into sandpaper. Clothing is the enemy during a run. Growing up, I noticed the swim team often wears more clothes than the runners … oh, the complexities behind being a runner. The odds lean that your t-shirt and shorts will irritate just about any surface of your body. Perhaps you could avoid this for a short jog, maybe during the mile and half run that your golden retriever begs for, but if you’re thinking about running a marathon – you’re submitting to a terrible experience of discomfort.
Another reason, if you really need one, is the other runners! Let’s talk about these people for a second. They’re definitely their own sort of breed. They are often incredibly too helpful and kind. Once they smell the “runner” on you in you, they will impose many tips, personal war stories and encouraging running quotes all over your Facebook wall. Odds are you didn’t realize the danger in accepting their request to be your virtual pal.
The high cost of living for runners too should be enough to make you hesitant as your strap on your trainers. Dude, those VivoBarefoot running shoes don’t grow on trees. Don’t be fooled. No, runners don’t wear a lot of clothes but the pieces of fabric that they do own are from quite the substantial drop of cash. You’ll need the many shoes, socks, shorts, shirts and shock resistant watches plus a typical marathon fee itself could run you close to — gasp! — three figures. At least your death will have been an expensive one.
You still think you want to run a marathon? Do you know the requirement to become comfortable with ice, and a lot of it? The whole icing joints and submerging your throbbing body in a frigid tub of 40 degree iced water is close to as unappealing as … well, anything.
As a marathoner, you’ll run on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Tuesday and Thursday are mandatory running days. Saturday? You’ll run. Sunday? You’ll try to remind yourself it’s the Sabbath but your rest will include strapping on your shoes and opening the mileage calculator app on your phone. You’ll always run on Sunday. You’re a marathoner; you’ll literally crave to run.
That’s crazy. I will never run a marathon.
Just so you know my record of my word is pretty trustworthy … well okay … let me explain.
I told myself I’d never watch The Notebook but for the record, I wasn’t crying. I just have allergies.
I told myself I’d never get addicted to a TV show, but that was before I saw Lost and I know the addiction could be justified by anybody if they just watched the show too.
I told myself I’d never bake again, I even pinky-swore my dad when I set the fire alarm off. But I’m still learning as I continue to make burnt biscuits claiming the title “cookies”.
I said I’d finish reading “for fun” until I could get ahead in writing but then I found myself in the book aisle at the thrift store stocking my squeaky cart.
I remember specifically telling my coach that I’d never run farther than a 200 meter sprint competitively. Then, it was the 400 meter race. “I mean it,” I told him. I would never run more than one lap.
Then, I met a long lost companion of mine: the 800 meter race. But this time, I really meant what I said when I argued I would never run more than two laps.
Within months, I was training to race in the mile and just a few months later, I was at cross country camp for college training for 5Ks with the familiar argument on my lips that I would never run more than a mile.
I never thought that I would even be questioning this.
I will never ever, not ever, not once, ever run a marathon, ever.
With my wishy-washy track record though, I guess we’ll see what happens.
I will never ever, not ever, not once, ever run a marathon, ever.
Probably not. No … Well, maybe.
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