NHL Coach Tries to Rally His Below Average Team for Meaningless Game

thomas2010

NEWARK, NJ — Despite being eliminated from playoff contention, Ottawa Senators head coach Craig Clouston attempted to rally his players and spark good morale during the third period of the team’s game against the New Jersey Devils yesterday. With 1:36 left in the game and trailing the Devils 2-1, Clouston made the bold move of calling a timeout and diagramming a play for his team on the bench. This controversial move was met with bewilderment in the stands and on the bench.

Immediately after the timeout was announced over the PA system John Forgonna, 42, from Menlo Park, New Jersey turned to his friend Dave, the only other fan at Prudential Arena last night, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know what [Clouston] was thinking,” Forgonna said after the game. “They’ve been out of the playoff hunt since December, why suddenly care about this meaningless game?” 

Sources with knowledge of the situation reported hearing snores from the end of the Senators bench. Captain Daniel Alfredsson was seen rolling his eyes and muttering something incoherent in Swedish when Clouston ended the timeout by asking all the players to “put their hands in” and yell “Go Sens!” on the count of three.

Clouston’s plan came to fruition when Dany Heatley tied the game at 2-2 with one minute to go. Healtley reacted by putting his hands on his hips and cursing the heavens. When he returned to the bench, teammates generally ignored him or gave him angry stares and Mike Comrie was overheard saying “nice job, jackass. Now we have to hang around and play overtime. Hillary is going to kill me.”

The Senators would go on to lose in a shootout not only foiling Clouston’s plans but also delaying the team’s flight back to Ottawa by 30 minutes, causing them to miss that night’s episode of CSI.

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