Oh Jeez, It’s Only Noon and I’m Already Nauseous

As you might already know, today is draft day in the NHL (and an excuse to post this picture). And as you might also already know, my New York Islanders have the first overall pick. And furthermore, as you might already know, these particular New York Islanders have a recent history that includes fucking up every draft in recent history.

So I’m feeling really queasy right now. I don’t even want this day to happen. I’ve had the same recurring nightmare every night for the last six weeks since they won the first pick in the draft lottery. It’s the night of the draft. Gary Bettman steps to the podium in the Bell Centre and is recieved with a chorus of cheers — my first hint that it’s only a dream. He politely welcomes everyone in Montreal and watching at home on television to the NHL Draft. He then tells the Islanders that they’re on the clock.

A minute passes. Two minutes. Five minutes. Ten. It feels like eternity. What the hell are they doing? You had six weeks to decide between Tavares, Hedman and Duchene. What the heck?!?

And Bettman walks back up to the podium.

“There has been a trade,” he says. The Bell Centre erupts. “The New York Islanders trade the first overall pick and Kyle Okposo to the Toronto Maple Leafs for Tomas Kaberle.”

That’s where I wake up. Sweaty, frightened and for some reason on a lawn chair in the backyard clutching a rake like it’s 1277 and I’m the last solider in my army left standing.

So tonight, months of nightmares come to fruition. Tonight the Islanders will likely do something dumb. They will likely take Matt Duchene because they think they’re smarter than everyone else. Or they’ll trade the pick because, well, that’s what they would do. The Islanders have been bigger than the draft. They’ve always been smarter about the draft than anyone else. In their own mind. In reality, it’s quite the opposite.

I’ll be working tonight and won’t see any of the first round live. That’s probably for the best. Because when they do something stupid — and they will — I won’t throw something through my TV and I’ll still be able to watch Spongebob on Saturday morning.