There have already been years of speculation about whether Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is gay or not. He’s talked about how much he loves man-ass before, shared big, white loads in the face of his teammates, and has even starred in erotic fan fiction, but has never once “came out of the locker room” to confirm whether he was actually gay or not. Not that there is anything wrong with that. He could even be straight and engaged to this slutty tramp stamp for all I care, I still hate him because he’s a really god damn good football player on the Packers.
But recent reports have surfaced from Perez Hilton (SO YOU KNOW IT’S REAL NOW) that Rodgers may apparently have a jilted male lover /slash former roommate (“So what does that make us?” “Absolutely nothing!”) who may be close to stepping into the spot light and confirming his male-on-male relationship with Rodgers. All of this is deduced like a regular Sherlock f*cking Holmes because of a handful of “Tweets” which have since been deleted. Sooo … This is what journalism is these days.
But the question remains: What happens after Aaron Rodgers confirms he’s (probably) gay?
There are two main reactions I see possible:
1) People make a big deal out of it, write NUMEROUS sports articles on it about how brave Rodgers is, and he becomes the face of the next generation, while the NFL gifts the Packers another god damn Super Bowl to show how “progressive” they are. OR!
2) People go “Oh yeah, duh” and forget about it because who gives a shit. Let the man be happy.
Can you guess which reaction the blog that features shirtless men thinks will occur? I’ll give you two chances.
Regardless of whether Rodgers is actually gay or not (and there IS a very compelling case to confirm he is, I might add), what is really going to be interesting is how every-day fans respond to this news, specifically Packers and Vikings fans.
On one hand, GOD, it would be so amazing if Packer fans freak out and condemn him for being a sinner, since the majority of those asshole residents outside of Madison are so f*cking backwards it would blow your mind if you ever drove through random Small Town Wisconsin. Watching the country bumpkins battle between their allegiance to every Packer on the team and their conservative beliefs of hatin’ tha gays would be an absolute DELIGHT. And not even to tease them about it, but just to ask like old, 65 year old Packer fans, questions like, “So how do you feel about Aaron Rodgers?” and then listen to them justify liking or disliking him based on obscure and unnecessary football reasons is going to be a gas. I can’t wait. I hate Wisconsin.
On the other hand … Let’s not kid ourselves. There are a ton of assholes in Minnesota. Both rural and within the Twin Cities metro limits (particularly the West Metro, you jerks), and watching them LOSE pretty much every single year to a team that is led by a GAY QUARTERBACK?! Oh my god. It will bring the LULZ for sure. And Packer fans will turn it around to their favor, every single time. Vikings fans will be all like, “Well, at least our quarterback isn’t gay! (but really, who knows, he might be)” and Packer fans will say, “I guess? I mean, a gay quarterback just beat your team, so it can’t be that bad” and that will be the end of the conversation. Period. And it will piss off so many dumb ass Vikings fans, it will be glorious.
So, really, either way for me, I feel like Aaron Rodgers confirming he’s gay, or his apparent boy friend Kevin Lanflisi confirming Rodgers is gay, is just going to be a win for me, as I will continue to be able to make fun of football fans either way. I CAN’T WAIT!
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