‘Seachickens,’ ‘S**thawks,’ ‘Bandwagon Birds,’ I’ve heard them all. Those terms haven’t bothered me too much over the past few years because Seattle’s performances spoke for themselves. To say the least, this season is killing me softly, and not just because the honeymoon is clearly over because Richard Sherman won’t take the garbage out even though Kam Chancellor has asked him to do it five times and cooked a delicious meatloaf and Russell Wilson is upstairs praying because he thinks the LOB might be getting a divorce. Part of why these inexplicable fourth-quarter losses are especially hard to digest is because these players, the formerly overlooked, bright-eyed, positive, harmonious football family that Russell Wilson and company have evolved themselves into are finally getting paid the money they deserve yet don’t seem to be acting like it past 45 minutes of play.
Since there’s about 1,001 editorials, comments and segments about this incredulous meltdown, I see no need to wedge my own elaborations into this overcrowded conversation (which, by the way, can be reduced to the fact a team can’t be great all the time and it looks like opponents have studied Seattle’s game footage much closer than the past couple of years. And personally I would give back Jimmy Graham for Max Unger in a heartbeat). So, I bring to you the positive vibrations still pulsating on an otherwise lifeless waterfowl corpse (a little fun visual pre-Halloween):
Earl Thomas III is still Earl Thomas III
Earl is the most perfectly odd player you could ever want on your team. He reminds us all that this is still a game (yes I’m aware football is religion in this country but there’s also, you know, actual constant evils that exist in this world while you salt your post-game craft beer with your tears). Earl thinks a curse has been cast upon the team (code for Ciara?!) and that’s just the kind of kooky post-game commentary you sometimes need when everybody else has the same meaningless self-deprecating assessment to offer. Bright side within this bright side: a wild Earl roared (literally) when set free despite the loss to the Panthers – he played fantastically throughout the game after having a quiet start to the season. “This is great. It’s a part of the story. We’re going to outlast this.” Preach, Earl.
Dan Quinn is coaching the heck out of those other birds
How is this a good thing, you ask? Well, Quinn was obviously so amazing at his job that his departure left a big gap in Seattle’s defensive coaching. I’m not excusing the LOB of their responsibilities (c’mon guys, this isn’t your first rodeo), but at least we can attribute some of this fiasco to missing a certain leadership quality with Quinn gone. Just because you have a Ferrari doesn’t mean you know how to drive it, if you catch my drift. With such exceptional skills, watching Quinn take a virtually intact team from last season’s giiant losers to one of the best in the NFL doth warm my heart.
Fred Jackson crashed his car not racing Marshawn Lynch and didn’t hurt anybody
Well, this was an unexpected addition to the list, but considering it happened in real-time while writing I just had to add it. I heard from friends who are Bills fans he was a liability, so let’s just be glad nobody got hurt. Also, right after Derrick Coleman gets reinstated following a scary crash on his way home from the practice facility? C’mon, man. Don’t make Percy Harvin look good.
Seattle is playing San Francisco this week
Seattle appears to be following in the footsteps of San Francisco in many ways: more tech startups (and tech bros!) than Starbucks, rent hikes through the roof and now a mediocre football season after consecutive near-championship runs. But you know what? At least Seattle didn’t castaway its pleated khaki-wearing head coach in favor of someone you never heard of and build the biggest embarrassment of a stadium in a suburb of the city where more people know how to code a computer program than understand the rules of football. Seattle also didn’t lose over half its team, although I’m not sure if that makes us better or worse now that both teams are 2-4. Well, I digress. The point is, Colin Kaepernick notoriously melts to pieces when he plays Seattle and I’m fairly certain one of their best players came from a rugby team.
Tyler Lockett and Thomas Rawls are two of the best rookies in the league
I no longer fear the days of Marshawn Lynch living out the rest of his career making Frappuccinos and not racing fellow former Buffalo Bill Fred Jackson so long as Rawls is around to run over defenses like he did against the Cincinnati Bengals. This kid is seriously talented, and the benefit of having a double dose of rookies like that with he and Lockett is that opponents don’t know what to expect when they’re expecting Beast Mode and a heavy pass game to Jimmy Graham. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lynch more than anybody and I do think that Graham adds something to the team it never had…if he’d just stop acting like making big plays are more important than a team win (Sir, you fly a plane to practice, no one is judging your capabilities here so let’s just learn to be a team player, okay?). So keep on giving the ball to Lockett and give Rawls more opportunities if Lynch isn’t 100% because they’ve turned future talent into current standout status.
That’s all the time I have this week. So my fair-weather fans who won’t be reading this, I bid you adieu until the next playoff appearance. Until then, those of us who weathered all those three-win seasons, Ken Behring’s polyester sweaters, Jon Kitna, institutional green Kingdome turf, Dad cussing at the TV, and games where Macklemore wasn’t either on the sideline or the halftime entertainment (though I think he’s one of us) will still be tuning in regardless because we know how to Sea the glass half-full. See what I did there? Go Hawks!
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