Percy Harvin is a World Mutha F*ckin’ Champ

You may have watched the Super Bowl on Sunday. If you didn’t (or, if you didn’t after the first quarter), no one would really blame you. What self respecting Minnesota Vikings fan would want to watch Vikings West win a Super Bowl before the ORIGINAL Vikings … Midwest … did?

Well, I DID watch the Super Bowl, and I can tell you that it wasn’t exactly pleasant. Seeing Percy Harvin return a kick off that iced the game, watching Heath Farwell white linebacker it up, Darrell Bevel calling plays with a play card the size of a placemat, and even Tarvaris Jackson taking Super Bowl snaps … Well, it was a little heartbreaking.

BUT JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT, PERCY HARVIN IS NOW A WORLD MUTHA F*CKIN’ CHAMP!

YOU GO, PERCY, YOU EARN THAT SUPER BOWL RING!

Call it straight bitterness, pettiness, anger, being a huge wanger, whatever you want, but it sure as hell irks me that PERCY HARVIN has a Super Bowl ring, for a team he did NOTHING for the entire year, forced his hand to be traded to, and has acted like a dingle berry his entire NFL career. Really pisses me off.

NOW. Of course I’m always going to love Percy. That head case is pretty damn good at football, he’s fun to watch, and I will love picture of him shirtless like they were pictures of my own child. But Percy winning a Super Bowl after playing his ONLY regular season game against the Vikings, and playing only quarters against the Saints in the Playoffs, before playing in the one game that every player wants to play in and winning it. “What, the Super Bowl? Pfft, you’ve never been? Dude, that’s the ONLY game I play in. Don’t call me unless the team’s there, bro.” Hipster Percy is the WORST.

And Sidney Rice. Rightfully let to walk by the Vikings because he’s had one good season, but gets to win a Super Bowl ring after having 231 receiving yards in the season and playing in 8 games? UGH.

The worst part, of course, is that both of these guys (And TarVar, Farwell, etc.) all won a Super Bowl ring over Adrian Peterson, who has played harder than either of these two combined in their entire careers. Now, sure, there are no-namers on every Super Bowl winning team who get a ring when they truly don’t deserve one. Back up quarterbacks, special teamers, practice squad guys, owners, Trent Dilfer … But THESE two undeserving players? Before Peterson? BURN EVERYTHING!

Or. Maybe we should just trade Purple Jesus to Seattle. Neon Green Jesus sounds so much more 2014.