Phil Loadholt Entices on WWE Raw

This past Monday evening, February 20th, World Wrestling Entertainment presented Monday Night Raw from the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was an awesome night of body slams, ring girls, plot twists, and steroids, and who else would be in the center of the action than our very own Phil Loadholt?

Now, Phil Loadholt is technically a professional football player, not a professional wrestler. We say football player because, technically again, that’s what he gets paid to do; play the game of football. Now, whether he does that any more effectively than he did Monday night on WWE Raw, that’s probably up for debate. You see, Monday was the first time – to my knowledge – that the Vikings right tackle had stepped into the wrestling ring with a leotard on to wrastle with some of the world’s best. I also fully admit that I haven’t watched or gave a shit about wrestling since the Ultimate Warrior died, so I cannot confirm nor denying the factuality behind all of what occurred on Monday night.

What I DO know is what Vikings offensive guard, Chris DeGeare (who had ring-side seats, as seen in this screen cap), alluded to on Monday night when he provided a picture on Twitter with the following statement:

Although cryptic, I think I have allowed my expert eyes to decipher this message which allows us to ascertain that, yes, in fact, that large black man wearing spandex is INDEED Phil Loadholt training during the offseason:

1. Even a moron like myself who hasn’t followed wrestling since men partook in the event with handle bar mustaches knows that WWE has a person named Mark Henry, not Marc Henry. With one letter difference, the reference and the wrestler are clearly two different people.
2. The fact that Phil Loadholt is mentioned with a question mark indicates that DeGeare was ring side, possibly shouting/tweeting advice to his ring partner. For instance, he may have been expressing himself in a way such as “Phil! Phil Loadholt! Look out, it is Marc Henry, your auditor! Not funny!” The 140 character limit on Twitter can be so restrictive, you know?
3. The poignant use of “lol” can be taken in a variety of different ways. Is it a visual representation of DeGeare who was raising his large arms above his head in celebration? Was he depicting an Imperial TIE Fighter, indicating he wanted Loadholt to shoot this Henry person down? Was he “laughing out loud” to keep from crying? The last explanation makes the most sense.

Whatever DeGeare may have meant through his technological hieroglyphs, he dropped all doubt by simply providing the picture we’ve seen today. Look at that and tell me that isn’t our 700 pound tackle scantily clad. The proof is in the pudding, as they say, which was then eaten by Loadholt, never to be seen again. So enjoy it while you can.

(Un)Luckily for us, Loadholt apparently lost to a guy named “Sheamus” in his wrestling match. I am assuming Sheamus is a potato licker, cheated, and never should have been allowed to touch other humans on the account of his red hair. In that case, I would hope that Loadholt would get a fair rematch against another stout opponent as sloppy as he is – say, Bryant McKinnie? – just so we could all see a fair fight.

Or, he could just prepare for the 2012 season like a normal football player. Either way.