Like we did with Mike Iupati, it is time to move on to arousing ourselves with the 2010 NFL Draft. Like last year, PJD is going to highlight several draft prospects that the pundits have projected to fall to the Vikings or that the team has expressed interest in. So from now until draft time, keep checking back to get information on your favorite draft picks as PJD breaks new ground (not really) as we start fantasizing over young men who have recently run around in tight shor … Wait, no, nevermind. Today, we look at USC safety Taylor Mays …
Name: Taylor Mays
Position: Safety, probably … Strong?
Known (and unknown) measurable: Taylor Mays is officially listed as six foot three and one eighth of an inch, which conveniently is the size of my foreskin. I mean, not the six feet but … anyway, he also weighs 203 pounds and ESPN touts him as a RARE COMBINATION of size and speed but … really? That seems kind of lanky. Not Corey Brewer lanky, but still. I said lanky, not anorexic.
Reminds me of: I don’t know. Who’s that guy the Redskins drafted for safety recently? Laron Landry? Mays is taller and weighs less … so maybe that’s a bad example. But I would think he would play like him. Now that I think about it, he kind of reminds me of one of those Avatar creatures who are all tall and lanky and foreign looking and strong and lithe. But that sounds super not heterosexual, so I’m sticking with the poor Landry comparison. However, with this description of Mays from CBSSports, he reminds me of any number of horrible Vikings safeties in the past, like Dwight Smith!:
Read & React: Good key-and-diagnose skills. Aggressive in run support, but disciplined and rarely out of position. Understands his role as the last line of defense and generally takes good angles to minimize big gains by opponents, but struggled some as a senior in this area. Mistakes typically occur when he overruns the play and doesn’t account for the runner’s cutback agility.
However, Dwight Smith was a retard. And since the Vikings have been destroying people in the cover too, and since Mays understands he’s the last line of defense (that’s refreshing to hear, yes?) I like this description of him with his coverage skills:
Zone Coverage: Controlled aggression in coverage makes him well suited for a zone scheme. Sees the action and reacts quickly.
It’s like a not-white Brian Russel! Or something. I’m running out of safeties I know, and I’m trying not to talk about Corey Chavous.
Fabricated story: I heard once that Mays pushed a kicker off of a cliff while at USC. Too soon? God, even that makes me want to punch myself in the face. Actually, I heard Taylor Mays smashed every single one of the song girls at USC after he got them all pumped up for a game. They ended up without any cheerleaders because they were all bleeding over trash cans from their anuses.
Why the Vikings? Because the Vikings have very, very, very questionable safety play. Their best safety in 2009 was a seventh round pick in Jamarca Sanford. Really. Tyrell Johnson is making me want to sit him on my Madden bench, and while Madeiu Williams is a super nice person that donates boat loads of cash to good causes, he’s also been very unimpressive in coverage. The worst thing last year was watching those two panty stains getting blasted on coverage by getting out ran or taking such a piss poor angle on a receiver it appeared that they never passed geometry. They may not have. But an upgrade at the safety position would be pretty stellar. In fact, having had Tyrell play MEDIOCRE in the playoffs last year would make this a hesitant pick for the Vikings, but if Tyrell pans out I think the two of them could play together. That’d be fun!
But don’t we all hate USC? Sweet Jesus, I really do. I mean, Pete Carroll is a pretty cool dude, but now with Lane Kiffin there … God dammit. Someone burn that school off of the coast. What a bunch of pretentious, self entitled, pretty boy assholes. Ok … we can keep all the song girls, but all those Leinart cock boys are OUT. Would I hold an entire school against a draft pick that could make the pro team I root for better? … Yes. Yes I would. In a heartbeat.
But really, are the Vikings drafting him or at least could they? He probably won’t fall to the Vikings, but crazier shit has happened. Currently, this same reputable website that I keep going back to has him right around the 18th or 19th pick. The favorite seems to be Mays to the 49ers at pick 17, which would be a total homer home town pick, but that’s fine. If he slips by them the Vikings may have a shot. And if he ended up there, yeah, I think the Vikings could pull the trigger. Would another top flight cornerback still be available though? Would it make more sense for the Vikings to pick a lock down corner than a safety? I say yes. So unless the draft breaks down into some wild shit, Mays probably won’t be a Viking.
So I have no idea why I wasted your time writing this. So here, ladies, is a picture of him with his shirt off!
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