Like we did with Mike Iupati, Taylor Mays, Devin McCourty, and Jahvid Best, it is time to move on to arousing ourselves with the 2010 NFL Draft. Like last year, PJD is going to highlight several draft prospects that the pundits have projected to fall to the Vikings or that the team has expressed interest in. So from now until draft time, keep checking back to get information on your favorite draft picks as PJD breaks new ground (not really) as we start fantasizing over young men who have recently run around in tight shor … Wait, no, nevermind. Today, we look at Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen …
Name: Jimmy … James? Jim? Jay? Jose? Seriously, anything would be better than Jimmy … Clausen.
Position: Catcher. Oh, I mean that’s what his position is in the bedroom. On the field he plays quarterback, kind of, but off the field he also plays huge fucking douche bag (this is going to be a fun draft preview, can you tell?!)
Known measurables: Let’s look at his Wikipedia page, because, you know, Wikipedia is the most reliable source of information. It says he is six feet and two and … I think that says two third inches. He weighs in at 222 pounds as well. Hefty boy. Most importantly though, it says that his hand size is NINE INCHES. Awwwwwwww yyyeeeaaaaahhhhh!!!
What the scouts are saying: Looking at this Sporting News website, here’s their final analysis of Clausen:
He is a smart quarterback who reads defenses well, but he lacks ideal size and a big-time arm. He reminds us of the Saints’ Drew Brees when at Purdue. With his experience in a pro-style offense, he could be ready to start early in his NFL career. He could become a very good NFL starter if able to improve his arm strength to make accurate downfield throws.
Well holy shit. If the retarded Drew Brees ends up as a Vikings that would be ok with me. Go to the website there and they go more in depth, but they also say that he’s fairly accurate up to the 15 yard mark, a smart quarterback who can make all of the NFL required throws, and has experience in a pro-style offense, so the transition won’t be a headache like it will be for Teblow. Essentially, he’s probably more well rounded than vagina-shoulder Sam Bradford, but there’s talk about him dropping for some reason. Could the Vikings draft him?!? ZOMG!
Capital J chiming in: Looking at the Vikings, there is an obvious need for a quarterback. Sure, Favre may be coming back next year but he is a god damn grandpa and I refuse to continue being ok with a grandpa quarterback. The only good thing that comes from that is making jokes. So how do the Vikings view their quarterback position? Let’s check in with Capital J, who is far smarter than I am:
QB: Thanks to the Brett Favre tradition, we don’t know whether he’ll be back or not, but let’s just assume he is.
Locks (2): Brett Favre, Tarvaris Jackson
That leaves Sage Rosenfels as the likely odd man out if we draft a QB in the early to mid rounds. There has been speculation that he could be moved (possibly Oakland). It’s hard to see T-Jack being traded. He was the number 2 all of last year and looked good when he got the opportunity to mop up. Sage Rosenfels was initially traded for to compete for the starters job and is paid far too much for a 3rd stringer, which is why I think he’ll be moved or let go eventually.
So we could easily fit Clausen into the quarterback position, and I could easily fit my fist inside of a Thanksgiving turkey, but like Clausen on the Vikings, it doesn’t mean that it’s always going to happen.
Why the Vikings would take him: Because let’s face it, we need a fucking quarterback. I saw something somewhere recently (convincing, eh?!) that the Vikings have only taken two quarterbacks in the first round twice in their drafting history; Daunte Culpepper and Tomy Kramer. Two. I find that kind of ridiculous. What’s more ridiculous is the fact that this team never seems to be able to find a franchise quarterback. Sure, many other teams are afflicted by this situation, but really it seems more like a pandemic for the Vikings. Just once I would like my team to find a quarterback that is going to be their stud guy for years and years to come.
Now the question is, is this quarterback in this year’s draft? The short answer is probably not, or at the very least, probably not when the Vikings are picking. The Draft Debacle (which is still obnoxiously the only place I can find that provides average draft position for players) has Clausen as being drafted by pick nine to the Bills at the latest, but often times being picked by Cleveland at seven. There has been more and more talk, however, of Clausen falling in the draft like Aaron Rodgers. And no, I don’t mean like Rodgers into a gay brothel, but like how he did in the draft. If this were to happen you have to think that the Vikings would be tempted to move up and select him. And why not? There aren’t a ton of holes on this Vikings team and drafting Clausen, who is probably the surest quarterback prospect in this draft, would be rather safe. Have him sit behind Favre for a year and then battle it out with TarVar in 2011. You could offer this year’s first and next year’s … something, and probably move up enough.
Now, that’s all wishful thinking. The fact here is that he probably won’t fall, and that the Vikings may have their eyes on another quarterback in this draft, if they have an eye on any of them at all, like Teblow or Colt McCoy, two guys who probably will be available when the Vikings pick. Or, they could just be holding out for next year’s draft when many other quarterbacks, who are probably all better than this year’s crop, would be available, probably cheaper too. This would include Mallet, Locket, Luck, and probably Brett Favre’s grandson. So Clausen probably won’t be there, as much as Rubes want him to be, so this post is fucking moot.
And thank god, because it’s Jimmy Clausen: I still can’t get over how much I irrationally hate this douche bag. Between his appearance at his signing announcement at the football hall of fame with his spiky fucking hair and him flashing off his high school rings, and him getting glocked in the face by some fat girls at Notre Dame, I can’t stand him. And he played for Notre Dame, and probably liked Charlie Weiss. That alone deserves a cunt punch. Has he been growing up recently and maturing since coming to college? Probably. But I don’t care because I’m a petty asshole. So here is a photo gallery of why I don’t like Clausen:
That last one is just kind of funny though.
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