There’s been a whole lot of talk about Tim Tebow leading up to the draft. Surprisingly, all of it has to do with him as a quarterback in the NFL and not something like an H-back or towel boy. For those of you who are out there thinking that it is still a good idea for the Vikings to take Tebow with their first or second round pick, let me pause for one second so I don’t have an aneurysm, and then respectfully tell you to fuck off (I said respectfully!).
Tim Tebow as a quarterback in the NFL is probably a worse prospect than muff diving on a 40 year old stripper in an hourly motel and thinking you won’t come home with more diseases than fucking a zombie. Picking Tebow with the Vikings first or second round pick reminds me of the team taking Troy Williamson, or Erasmus James, or any other idiotic draft move that Al Davis has ever done. What. A. Damn. Waste.
I say this not because I care about Tebow giving young boys circumcisions in his free time (which is still kind of creepy, regardless). I don’t say this because Tebow went ahead and stole 30 seconds of my drunken giggling time during a Super Bowl commercial because he wanted to support a group that supports anti-abortions. I think it’s a good thing when athletes – and mostly role models in general – stand up for something they really believe in. And they don’t do it with much show or fanfare or ridiculousness. I’m talking about Kevin Durant wanting to play for a small market, Kevin Garnett donating money to Katrina and others. I don’t know, I had some more examples but I’m not really trying to make a point here. The thing is it’s nice to see them standing by their beliefs but not trying damming you if you don’t follow them. Sure, with Tebow it’s different because Christianity in part is spreading the (Purple) Jesus message, and so he tends to be more vocal and out front about that, but this isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about Tebow not being a good NFL QB.
And he won’t be. Really, I doubt that any of this year’s draft QB’s will be that great. Bradford looks brittle and gimmicky, Clausen looks to have some attitude problems and trouble with deep balls (*snicker*), McCoy is undersized and can’t throw an NFL bomb either right now, and then you have projects that are a crapshoot like LeFevour, Skelton, and some other douche-magoos. Whatever. None of them are going to be the Vikings’ Brady, and that sucks because, while the 2011 NFL Draft is much more loaded with QB talent, that might be too long to wait if Favrerator decides to come back but for only one more year. Then the Vikings are stuck with Sage, maybe TarVar, and a rookie for a year when they’re in the prime of their Super Bowl runs. Yikes.
And that’s what some of this comes down to. The organization – and we’ll say Childress, because it’s always fun to blame him – has handled the QB spot like a virgin handling a teat ever since he’s been here. It would be a bad situation for Tebow to come into, assuming he could also change his mechanics and increase his accuracy miraculously, which is about as likely as me getting to pull anal beads out of Michelle Bachman’s ass. Ain’t happening (Unless … nooo …). On top of that, this system doesn’t seem to really fit him. Sure, in Florida he made his money on dinking and dunking down the field, throwing eight yards behind the line of scrimmage to Percy and their other players, but that’s not how the NFL works. You have to spread the field vertically, and while he has a stronger arm than appears, it’s about as accurate as my sense of self importance in the blogosphere (not very). AFC East teams understand this, as this offseason you’ve seen Randy Moss, Santonio Holmes, and Brandon Marshall all address receivers that can spread the field, and guys who can get them the ball like Brady, Sanchez and … Henne? Ok, so that’s a poor argument, but can anyone verify that Tebow throws a bitching deep ball? I can’t.
Which is why it’s all kind of mind boggling when you hear that Childress and Spielman went down to Florida to watch Florida’s Pro Day workout. Sure, they could have been looking at Hernadez, Haden, and Pouncey, but … what if they were looking at Tebow? Some reports seem to think that if Tebow is there by the end of the first round, there is a team that is willing to snatch him up, either by staying put (Vikings?) or moving up.
And I’m pretty sure I’d hang a puppy if that happened. People want to talk about Tebow’s will to succeed, his passion for the game, his determination to make it as an NFL QB. That’s all fucking nice and great, you twats, but don’t think for a second that Julius Peppers cares about any of that, or that Clay Matthews is going to try a little less hard when facing Jesus Tebow in a Vikings uni because Tebow wants to win a bit more? And don’t think for a second that Tebow’s antics are going to encourage or persuade his teammates to play better in any given game. We’ve already had one other college player – not even a grizzled, cynical NFL vet, mind you – tell Tebow to shut the fuck up when he wanted them all to pray before the Wonderlic test. That’s probably why that kid failed, whoever he was! Hurumph!
Like any draft pick though, it all comes down to balancing need versus value for the team. Is Tebow a valuable pick for the Vikings at number 30? Sweet baby Jesus I hope not. If he’s picked there, my feeling is that he’s over valued, and other’s feel mostly the same. Here’s what Capital J has to say about him, since he’s been helping with all the other draft previews too:
Possibly the most talked about prospect in the history of the NFL Draft, Tim Tebow is a project QB. He was very successful at the college level winning multiple national championships and a Heisman trophy. His mobility is superb, but his throwing motion needs work in order to be successful in the NFL. He struggles to read defenses and his ball tends to wobble on deep passes. He’s not the most accurate QB either, but does possess a strong arm. He took nearly all of his snaps at Florida from the shot gun and struggled taking snaps from center for scouts, fumbling multiple times. He is a natural leader, is extremely (annoyingly) religious. Tebow is projected to go anywhere from the middle of the first round to the 3rd round.
The Vikings appear to have interest as they had a private workout with him and other Florida players such as DE Carlos Dunlap and CB Joe Haden. I don’t think they will take him at 30, but if he starts to slip in the 2nd round, they could make a move for him. If drafted by the Vikes, Tebow would develop under Favre for at least a year (assuming he’s back), but that may not be enough time for him. The Vikings are in win now mode so they may look for a more pro-ready QB that can step in after a year on the bench or so.
See! Even Capital J agrees with me! But here’s the bad part; Draft Debacled (Again, the only site I have found that averages where a player will be drafted based on multiple mock drafts) has Tebow’s average position being picked as … yup. 30. In fact, it looks like if the Jaguars don’t pick him (and I don’t think they will) the Vikings are the second most likely. FUCK.
So if you’re a Tebow fan, keep crossing your fingers, because it sure as shit sounds like there’s a chance. The thing is, he does seem like a real nice kid, and I’m sure he is. That’ll get him far in life, honestly. People like him and that is swell. But we’re talking about my NFL team here, and we’re talking about Tebow as a QB, not a real person! If you can take your Gator Glasses off for a second though and see this kid as an NFL QB prospect, you know that any time before round three or later is waaaayy too high for him. That means that I like you, and you’ve come to your senses. Feels good, man. Regardless, think of it like this; if we get Tebow and he becomes successful, we’ll be no better than those shitty, smelly, Packer fan were all those years with Favre. Except it’ll be worse, because while the media sucked the Favresticles for him being a fallen hero that found success (pain pills, drinking to greatest QB ever), the media is already all over Tebow’s nut sack because he played college football not as great as Tommie Frazier (WHO WAS BLACK. RACISTS ANYONE???!!!) but has no outward flaws. We’ll become the most hated franchise EVER.
And I can’t sleep with that pressure on my shoulders. Please, pass on Tebow.
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