Favre is on his own ticker: So apparently the NFL Combine starts … this week? This weekend or something? I don’t really know. All I know is that all of the unmarked white vans at my local Enterprise Rent-A-Car are spoken for over the weekend, so something exciting must be going on with young men in tight clothing somewhere. While this is titillating for douchey apartment dwelling draft gurus, the biggest news from all of this is what comes from the NFL head coaches that make their way down to the oasis-that-is Indianapolis. In most cases, this is the first real step that coaches take in moving on from the suicide-potential previous season and start looking at options for next year. Specifically, Coach Childress crawled his way out of his woodwork (I’m guessing with pedo-beard and all) and addressed the media at the combine today, touching on a variety of things, like his serenading of EJ Henderson, comments about Harvin’s migraines, and how open the organization really is to having Old Wrinkle Balls back in 2010. The verdict? The Vikings are not giving Favre any type of timeline, and actually expect to not hear from him until a similar time like they did last year, this year. Soooooo … your entire summer is now planned out with Favre Watch 2010! The only difference? By this point I don’t really feel like anyone cares all that much, so if he does decide to come back in late August or something people will roll with it. If not, whatever. No broken hearts here, Packer fans!
Peterson WILL stop fumbling: Also of note at the combine was Childress mentioning that the organization IS looking into Peterson’s fumbling issue. Childress even specifically mentioned that he would enjoy a little chit chat with Giants coach Tom Coughlin on the topic of why Peterson continues to be such a fucktard when carrying the football. He went on to say that a one on one conversation between Peterson and notable fumbler Tiki Barber isn’t out of the question, but that none of this would be to the detriment of Peterson’s running style. That’s an interesting comment, because after three years now of the Vikings pushing Peterson to run from an I-set with a fullback, encouragement for him to perhaps run out of bounds more often than not, and his yardage totals dropping in all three years, maybe Childress has learned a thing or two since leaving Favre the hell alone to run his own show. It’s the philosophy of “Letting the players that are fucking awesome play fucking awesome”. It’s amazingly simple. But even with a slightly hands off approach having Peterson talk to Barber seems like a no brainer. Hopefully the talk provides some insight for Peterson and I can just get back to naming him Purple Jesus finally.
Checking in with … The Packtards: Should we check in with what the losers of the NFC North have been doing? Sure, momentarily at least. If you are unfortunate enough to have friends from Wisconsin, you’ve probably heard them boasting how they’re going to make some awesome big splash in free agency this year and totally be the best football team ever, man. Well, these people are obviously fat, ugly, and stupid, because the Packers never do anything, ever in free agency. All that talk they’ve been doing about signing Julius Peppers? Good luck, assholes. He’s smarter than that. The only good thing I’ve found about the Packers this offseason is that they are in discussions to potentially create a third, alternate uniform that may hearken back to their elder days. Honestly, that shit would be awesome for them to wear, and I wouldn’t wish anal death upon them for one week if they did that. But whatever. The Packers are still stupid enough to franchise a fat ass defensive tackle, which is about the only newsworthy thing they’ve done in months, except lose of course. Zing!
Checking in with … The Bearly Intelligents: Just as intolerable as the Packer fans is Bears fans, who seem to think that they are now a premier location for free agents to go to because they have a quarterback who likes to pick more cotton than … wait, nevermind. Bad analogy. The news from Chicago-land is that they have also been looking at Julius Peppers, but also Aaron Kampman and Antrell Rolle, both players that are looking to hit the open market. I actually would love it if Kampman went to Chicago, if for the only reason then that the division rivalry will shift focus back to Packers/Bears and people can stop jacking off to the Vikings for a little while. I hate having all those expectations on a team that you know won’t meet them. I don’t really know if the Bears need a pass rusher – they’ve had Alex Brown and some other people but I thought it was their defensive backs and linebackers that ruined their defense – but with them running a similar Cover-2 to the Vikings, signing Rolle would be idiotic, since he’s as effective as Sharper in Cover-2. So … I guess I hope they do sign him and limit their spending on areas that could actually help them. Idiots. Also, apparently Devin Hester was responsible for that death at Sea World this week, or something outlandish.
Checking in with … The Lions … Pussy? If we’re all being honest with each other here, I kind of don’t hate the Lions. They’re so innocent and harmless that it’s kind of like cheering for the Bengals or the Chargers in the late 90s or early 2000s. Of course, once those teams started doing better they became insufferable, so I’m sure that once the Lions beat the Vikings next year I’ll change my mind. Regardless, I like how honest the Lions have been this year in addressing their needs. They actually had a stellar draft last year (found their quarterback, tight end, and safety) and recognize that this year they’ll have to do much the same thing in order to have any future success. This is scary news, because it means that the team won’t be drafting first round receivers for the next 12 years straight. Good draft selections again and again will lead to success, and we just can’t have that with the Lions. So they’ll be something to watch fa shooo ….
Free agent Hog Watch: I promised myself I wouldn’t do this … cry? … but let’s talk again about free agents. Already jack asses across the major media networks have discussed where LT or Brian Westbrook will end up. Both players have acknowledged that they are still interested in playing football, to which I counter with Shaun Alexander and Emmitt Smiff. But whatever. There are some people out there who are pretty convinced already that Westbrook will end up as a Viking, so convinced in fact that they feel his only options in life are to fucking die, retire, or become a Vikings. I guess I don’t see it. Scat backs are a dime a dozen and the Vikings don’t need to waste Westbrook money on someone who’s not even Westbrook anymore. One positive is that with these other two flashy players on the market, Chester Taylor may find that the demand for his services will be less than thought. Sure, he may want to be a starter somewhere, but at age 30? Why not just accept that you’re a fucking awesome back up and get your ass back here? I think it’ll happen. Some other things of note that a site, the Draft Bible has speculated on, is that one-time-considered-options Derek Anderson and Thomas Jones may be cut by their respective teams. Do any of these guys do anything for you? Me neither. This free agency year sucks donkey dick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBQj4YGnuvw
Vikings fans are still stupid: We already touched on how ridiculous it is for a bunch of creepy ass Vikings fans to rent out billboard space in Hattiesburg, Mississippi to try and lure Brent Farve back to the Vikings. Well, now things have gotten even worse, because the great state of Minnesota is starting to be subjected to obnoxiousness like the video posted above – WHICH IS TOTALLY GAY – and stories of fans taking full page spreads out in Hattiesburg papers to try and lure Favre back. Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you people? What makes you think that a megalomaniac like Favre has ever been lured by a bunch of fans’ opinions and not the millions of dollars he receivers? Do you think he really cares about what the fans want? Of course not. This bullshit is outrageous and it makes us all look like a bunch of tight jeans wearing emo fuckfacs that are trying to bury our noses in Favre’s choad. You’re all killing me, and if you keep this up, I’ll start looking into kill all of you. So knock it off.
Random Fun Times: We didn’t get to do a Humpday Linkstasy this week because we were too busy playing Assassin’s Creed 2 finally and doing STUPID HOMEWORK, so I thought we’d just throw out some things here. By the way? Assassin’s Creed 2 is fucking awesome, and if you haven’t played it you should get punched in the jubblies. And since this is the offseason now, we need to fill up space with some good random stuff, so here we are. Anyway, here is a cool site that shows a variety of different movie title shots from the past 100 years. If you’re into art and weird shit then it’s for you. Otherwise, you may be interested in seeing Sandra Bullock in some tight yoga type pants. She still remains kind of hot besides being a sell out bitch last year and making some terrible movies. Also, the Sports Pickle has a funny story about placing the franchise tag on your slutty girlfriend, and finally, here is a run up on the Hannah Storm weirdness that happened on the internets this past week over at the Gally Blog. Ok, I just linked to it for the picture of her. Whatever.
Enjoy the weekend, kids. Any tips, tricks, hints, pictures, begging for a Mail Dump, leads, free shit or whatever else I’m missing, send them our way.
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