So long Sir Chester: By now we’ve all heard that our back up running back that bounced a ball off his hands to lose to the Steelers in 2009 (just pointing out the negatives) has went ahead and signed with a division rival in the Chicago Bears. To that I say … “meh”, but also that Chester Taylor is now the enemy! And you can start burning his number 29 jerseys! The numbers coming in are pretty stupid for a 31 year old running back, even if he does have fresher legs than Maria Sharapova. Four years at $12.5 million? No thanks. Listen, I think Chet is a cool dude and I would have rather enjoyed having him staying as a Viking, but for this kind of money is dumb. Real dumb. Chicago Bears dumb! First of all, that stupid franchise already has a good young running back in Matt Forte. So now, Chet doesn’t even get a chance to start (which he’s allegedly ok with, but we all know that’s fucking bullshit) and you’re playing with a quarterback that is a fucking head case. Hey, if he just wanted to go there to make some he greens, fine. I don’t blame you. But from a football move this is beyond idiotic. People say Chet is the perfect running back for a Mike Martz system. Really? Taylor is no Marshall Faulk, people. And the Bears are retarded for signing one of the Vikings’ free agents RIGHT AWAY at $7 million his first year, which opens up the opportunity for the Vikings to now get better by signing a free agent at a similar price where before losing Chet they weren’t allowed to because of this wanking-motion collective bargaining agreements! … Jesus, your town is stupid, considering that the problem wasn’t really talent level of your offensive skill players, it was your shitty offensive line and your defense. But I guess that’s where we find …
The Bears are scrambling: … Julius Peppers signing a six year deal worth more than a one night stand with Erin Andrews. See, Bears team, the defense was your problem last year, and the problems stretched far and wide. No doubt having a premier pass rusher will help lock things up on the back end of the defense – and drive Bryant McKinnie to the bench at least twice a season now – but that D still has bigger holes in it than Raven Riley. Google search that shit with your moderator limits off and you’ll see what I’m talking about. I guess you’re allowed to do this when you don’t have a first round pick for the next 12 years after you traded for a horrible quarterback, but on my end this reeks of desperation. Desperation and a slight tinge of Old Spice, which is fucking gross. Honestly, I’m still not worried about the Bears. Your quarterback is still an abortion, your receivers are all D-II college grade, your most potent weapon on offense is your tight end who will now be relegated to blocking in your new offensive coordinator’s scheme, who by the way was your 37th choice for a coach. And Lovie Smith is your head coach who, dare I say, comes in maybe a close second behind Brad Childress? The Packers are still a better team than you. Vikings? I’m not sure, but that’s because I’ve accepted failure from them. Also, be prepared to lose at least five more years of draft picks as well because your franchise beyond obviously tampered by signing Peppers. People knew he was going there last week when his agent met with the Bears. God, you make Kevin McHale look like Stephen fucking Hawking.
Kittens to Lions? Poking fun at the Lions during free agency and the draft is like making fun of Kirstie Alley because of weight issues. It’s a total and unoriginal cop out. But those people that do that also tend to be idiots, and hoboy, THAT’S NOT ME!! See, I actually like what the Lions are doing right now. Today they signed Kyle Vanden Bosch, who is a certified BAD ASS. He’s also already familiar with Jim Schwartz’s defenses from working together in Tennessee, so he’ll be an instant upgrade. They also signed former Viking receiver Nate Burleson to a bit pricey five year deal, but I think he’s going to an ideal situation where there is a clear cut number one receiver in Calvin Megatron, and playing next to crafty veteran Bryant Johnson will be good for him too. Burleson excelled as that second or third option, especially in Linehan’s system which is being revitalized in Detroit, so this is good for him. They also signed Old Wizard Jon Jansen as a back up offensive linemen, and DT Corey Williams to anchor the middle of that defense. All of a sudden, you’ve got this team that is going to end up with a stud franchise DT as well in either Ndomukong Suh or Gerald McCoy, and they already have stud playmakers in place on offense in a franchise QB, fucking awesome receiver and a damn good running back. If they shore up that offensive line and lock down some defensive backs this team is going to become my new favorite squad, I swear it. They are looking good, at least as good as your sister, and arguably better off for the future than the Vikings are. Yeah, I said it.
Oh, there’s our team too: Oh right, this is a Vikings blog, kind of. Anyway, the Vikings haven’t done shit because they can’t. I wouldn’t anticipate much of anything happening during free agency. Reports have filtered out that Artis Hicks has meetings set up, so he’s probably leaving, as is Karl Paymah (!) and probably Benny Sapp. Rumors are circulating that the Vikings are potentially interested in former Steelers Safety Ryan Clark (yes!), perhaps even Antrell Rolle (no!), a shot at Ladell Betts (whatever!), and even Brian Westbrook (…. uh, sure!) and other stupid names out there like trading for McNabb (Reid is the only one who still wants him?), Jason Campbell (barf), etc, etc. Word from Chip Scoggins at the Trib also says that the Vikes would be interested in CB Marlin Jackson and that he was almost signed. I think Marlin is a pretty good guy and would like this move, as well as the Ryan Clark move, but really I find it more surprising that the Vikings aren’t aggressively looking into upgrading the offensive line. More than anything, that’s where the help is needed. Well, that and cornerback. And a franchise quarterback that isn’t older than Meryl Streep. Whatever. The point here being that any moves the Vikings make over this weekend are probably going to be minor and not super noteworthy, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. Unless you’re an attractive female that wants to take pictures of those said panties and them email them to strangers on the internet. That’s usually socially acceptable.
I was obviously wrong as well: Brett Favre did what was pretty much expected of him Thursday night when he went on the Tonight Show with that cock sucker Leno. I’m still just stupid enough to not know how to embed Hulu video here, but the Vikings Ship has it, as well as the direct link here on Hulu, if you didn’t see it. He tip toed around questions of returning and didn’t say anything one way or another. Whatever. I passed along the information I had yesterday because I thought that it was plausible and quite frankly I would want to know that is someone else heard it. Really though, it’s not surprising that he didn’t say anything. There were reasons for him to say both yes and no right now, but after thinking about it, it makes sense just for him not to say a damn thing all summer long if he really wants to come back. The expectation for Favre to retire is always there now, so sure, he’s still under contract but no one really believes he’s under contract like, say, Adrian Peterson is. So if Favre sits out of training camp preaching the line that he’s unsure about returning until after camp is over, then shows up, it’s perfect. I didn’t think he was going to return but the way this has all been handled thus far is sure making me change my mind. People want to analyze everything he said, or didn’t say, Thursday night and try to figure out his decision from there. Well, we won’t be able to so we may as well not try. Are the signs pointing towards yes? Well … yeah, they kind of are, or at least they were until Peppers signed in Chicago, but as everyone in the damn world has been saying since his inception, we probably shouldn’t bother listening to anything he says until after camp. At that point, maybe it’ll be legit. So sorry for lying. I’ll go talk to my “source” now and ask him why he hates me.
Does this make everyone squishy inside? I don’t have any reason to post this other than to make you feel a little gelatinous inside on a Friday afternoon. Apparently it’s a guy who just takes pictures of women and holy crap these women are like natural heart criminals. NOT MINE THOUGH. My fiancé’s eyes are god damn tractor beams, and not that weak ass shit on a Star Destroyer that the Millennium Falcon can bust out of, but that heavily doctored shit in the Star Trek universe. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. Lucky me!
I don’t have much other Vikings news right now. Thanks for the people that are still stopping by and checking out PJD. We’ve been trying to stay constant with information, both factual, not factual, and humorous, and hope you keep coming back. If you tell friends, and your mother, that doesn’t hurt either. We’ll be back with minor Vikings roster move updates come Sunday! Probably. But maybe not. Hm?
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