The Bachelor: POINT by athooks
The most refreshing shower?
Love.
And nothing pours love all over your body (and soul) like the hit ABC show The Bachelor (Monday’s 8c). It’s also probably the last, true bastion for romance left in primetime TV.
As a culture, we’re moving more MMA than PDA. More NFL than XOXO- which is what it is. We’re violent animals pre-disposed to become mini Mike Vicks by 2025. But for the few of us out there that tell cynicism and bodily harm to take a hike 120 minutes a week… we enjoy watching young, beautiful people find that ‘special someone’.
Obviously it’s a competitive environment where sometimes people act in a manner that is a tad unbecoming for he or she. But really, when you think about it, that’s the way you’d be too if you were competing for the most important thing- LOVE.
Now maybe you didn’t know this, but beautiful people need affection too. It might seem like they don’t, but I promise you it’s true. And since we’re not privy to the machinations of these rare creatures all the time, perhaps their mating rituals seem awry to us plebs. But it’s the nature of the beast. People are smelling the goaline (ring!) and are plowing ahead to crack plane.
Reward? Love.
So maybe you haven’t tuned in yet to see the fabled redemption of one Bradly Womack. And maybe you’re fine with that. Have fun chewing the raw meat off the bone tonight you beast. Because the rest of us that know that love is the killer app are going to be dreaming…
Dreaming on the wings of hope.
The Bachelor: COUNTERPOINT by Fresh (WC)
The Bachelor (and The Bachelorette for that matter,) can be easily summed up in 2 words: relationship porn. More accurately, relationship porn for the simple minded; this show is pure, unadulterated dreck. Combining two of America’s most embarrassing past times, voyeurism and celebrity-worship, The Bachelor pits a good looking schmuck with a harem of attractive women with a flair for the dramatic and a penchant for chasing celebrity at the expense of their family’s dignity. The audience is asked to spend the next few months deciding which of these awful people should be engaged in a relationship that is sure to end within 12 months.
Are your real-life relationships really that empty? Is your life so devoid of meaningful interaction that you’re resorted to poorly scripted reality-television? There are millions of things one could be doing instead of watching this moronathon. I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a list of suggestions.
- Get a life of your own.You’re not meeting anyone on your couch!
- Volunteer. Pretend there are people in this world other than you.
- Read a book.
- Read a newspaper.
- Blog about the St. Louis Cardinals.
- Correspond with the REAL people in your life. Your mom misses you, probably.
- Exercise. You’re abs aren’t getting any more washboardy on their own.
- Trim your nails. Grooming is important!
- Learn to cook. Cook something if you know how.
- Repeatedly stab yourself in the eye with a rusty Phillips-head screwdriver.
In conclusion, please don’t waste your time watching stupid people who happen to be marginally good looking put on a poorly orchestrated charade of courtship. If you must watch TV, there are sooooo many other options with much more to offer you intellectually, emotionally, and aesthetically. Don’t watch that terrible Fox News either.
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