Growing up a committed Vikings fan in northern Minnesota, two autumn dates were perpetually circled in red on my calendar. Games against the Green Bay Packers were as close to epic clashes between the forces of Good and Evil as it got in my neglected corner of the world. I grew up hating the Packers with a fiery passion. Though I couldn’t tell you when and/or exactly how that antipathy began, the distaste has barely subsided as I’ve gotten older. That I’m the lone Vikings fan in a family stocked with Packer backers just made matters worse. My father flies a Packers flag in his front yard on game days. The mere thought of that still makes my stomach turn.
Another rivalry I love is the hockey tug-of-war between the universities of Minnesota and Wisconsin. More than merely a border war, games between the Gophers and Badgers are something akin to college hockey’s version of the Civil War (the one Lincoln won)…especially when an NCAA championship is on the line. I love Madison, but when Wisconsin plays Minnesota, it might as well be behind enemy lines.
I lived in Texas for 10 years, where the annual UT-Texas A&M football game trails only Christmas, Easter, and the Super Bowl in importance…and not by much. Each team could end their season 1-11, so long as the lone victory came at the expense of their rival. That’s the stuff true rivalries are made of. Passion, envy, hatred, and bitterness…all presented with the best of intentions, of course.
Here in Portland, it’s a rare occasion when passions run that hot. Sure, we have a growing MLS rivalry with the Seattle Sounders, which makes for some good-natured fun. Hey, who wouldn’t want to make fun of the ridiculous glow-in-the-dark atrocity the Sounders call their kit? That sartorial criticism aside, the Mariners and Seahawks have a sizable fan base here in Puddletown. It’s tough to create a meaningful rivalry when you’re supporting teams in your rival’s backyard. Can you imagine a Yankees fan rooting for the Celtics…or a Bruins fan supporting the Knicks? Neither can I. It just seems to run counter to the accepted order of the universe.
Many years ago, I went to a Blazers-Sonics game at Key Arena in Seattle. A few hundred Blazers fans made the trip up I-5. We had our share of fun, but our hosts didn’t reciprocate the sentiment. Sonics fans looked at us as if we had taken a wrong turn on the way to a trailer park in Aberdeen. Years later, when the Sonics pulled up stakes and moved to Oklahoma City (Really? That’s the best you could do??), few in Portland cared or even noticed.
Unless Portland can land an NFL team, there’s little chance of establishing a truly bitter and meaningful rivalry with Seattle. Absent that, any competition between the Rose City and the Emerald City not involving the Timbers and Sounders will hold all the drama and allure of a cat show.
So, how do we go about creating a meaningful rivalry? Sure, Timbers-Sonics is fun, if harmless, and Timbers-Whitecaps is a nice diversion. Neither contretemps inspires truly widespread enmity or passion. I’m not talking a beat-the-opposition-supporters-torch-their-cars-and-steal-their-women kind of rivalry, of course. But wouldn’t it be nice to have a rival that could inspire passion resembling something along the lines of Jets-Giants, Barca-Real Madrid, or Man U-Manchester City?
After much reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re not going to be able to count on Seattle getting their act together and landing another NBA team. Even if they did, any resulting rivalry would probably be tepid and lackluster. Even if Portland was somehow granted a Major League Baseball franchise, it’s doubtful a meaningful rivalry with the Mariners would emerge.
No, if we want Portland’s sports scene to enjoy a bare-knuckle, bitter, acrimonious sibling rivalry, we’re going to have to create one ourselves. With the Blazers being the only local member of one of the four major sports leagues, the answer seems obvious.
Portland needs another NBA franchise.
Before you start laughing, please indulge my hallucinations and allow me to explain. Portland has a world-class arena. If the Lakers and Clippers can share L.A.’s Staples Center, the same can happen here. The Blazers play 41 home dates and three or four pre-season games. It shouldn’t be difficult for another team to find open dates they can use. In L.A., the Clippers and Lakers will occasionally play games at Staples Center on the same day- one in the afternoon, the other in the evening. There’s no reason the same couldn’t be done at the Rose Garden.
Worst case, Portland’s new franchise could remodel Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum and call it home. Hey, it was good enough for the Blazers for almost 30 years….
Of course, Puddletown’s new NBA team will need a nickname so the league can start hawking merchandise. Once upon a time, Portland had a roller hockey team [insert appropriate snark here] called the Rage. Ergo, naming a team after an emotion wouldn’t be a stretch. After extensive polling and several focus groups, I’ve narrowed the list down to four candidates, each of which could have been stolen from a Portlandia script:
– Portland Ennui
– Portland Hipsters
– Beaver State Baristas
– Portland Foodies
Hmm…naming an expansion team the Ennui would seem to mitigate against a bitter rivalry, wouldn’t it? ‘Course, I didn’t say I’ve considered every angle, did I?
Some skeptics will argue that Portland lacks a population base sufficient to support two NBA teams. Hey, if Green Bay, WI, can keep an NFL franchise afloat, and if Columbus, OH (really?), can support an NHL team, why can’t Portland think big? How else can we create the sort of bitter, intractable, no-holds-barred rivalry that would generate some real excitement? Wouldn’t it be fun to see the Blazers as the visiting team and facing a hostile crowd in the Rose Garden? Go ahead, admit it; you secretly like the idea of booing LaMarcus Aldridge and Nicolas Batum, right?
If the support (and cash) could be found in Portland, we wouldn’t necessarily have to worry about being stuck with a ragtag expansion team. The New Orleans Hornets are floundering in the Crescent City. A fickle fan base, inept ownership, and a patchwork, Chris Paul-less roster have made the Hornets the worst team in the NBA. The Hornets are also an inviting target for any city looking to cherry-pick an NBA franchise. As much as I hate the idea of cherry picking (ask me about the Minnesota North Stars…and yes, Norm Green STILL sucks), the Hornets could flourish here. I can’t imagine they’d be any worse off than they currently are in New Orleans. (BONUS: They could get rid of those distressingly ugly Mardi Gras uniforms.)
Of course I realize that this will never happen. I know most of y’all probably wonder what I’ve been smoking. Rest assured that I’m in full control of my faculties, and there’s no- zero, zip, none, nada– THC in my bloodstream. Really. Scout’s honor.
Portland could do this, and it would be all sorts of fun. Just think of the arguments that Jets and Giants fans have. That could happen right here in Stumptown. Imagine the arguments that Blazers fans and Ennui fans would have, right?
Well, Ennui fans by definition probably wouldn’t put up much of an argument, but you get the point. An NBA rivalry in Portland would be good for the city and good for the league. Just imagine the atmosphere when the Blazers take on the Ennui in the semi-annual battle for Bridge City bragging rights? Blazers fans would be screaming…and Ennui fans would be a study in casual indifference.
That’s the kind of rivalry Portland deserves.
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
