Predicting the Bills 2012 Schedule

WEEK 01

@ New York Jets

Sun, 09/09 at 1:00 PM EDT

Away: MetLife Stadium

• Last time the Bills opened the season against the Jets was in 2002. That was the infamous Chad Morton game. That was actually the first game I watched after moving to NYC. Yes, I wanted to torch the city after that one.
• Since 2002, the Bills have only won three times in NYC NJ.
• Last time the Bills beat the Jets in NYC NJ was in 2009.
• Best Bills/Jets game: Gotta be Kelly to Mueller in the back of the end zone in 1990. It was during a 3-week span in which the Bills were trailing the Raiders/Broncos and won on crazy plays in the 4th quarter. Excluding the playoffs, it was probably the most exciting 3-week span in team history.
• Fitzpatrick has never beaten the Jets as a starter and has a rating of 71.1 against them.
• Random stat: Mario Williams has two career sacks against the Jets.
• This game scares me. I know the talk is that we need to crap all over the Jets because they have Tebow and the team is imploding, but cue the squid guy from Return of The Jedi…ITS A TRAP! I’m going to this game with The Deeg and I’m sure there will be tons of venom towards us from their fans. Can’t wait. I’m going to fight people and relive a youth I wish I had…and that’s being a tough guy bully. Where the hell was I? Oh, right. This game.  I think the key is how well the Bills’ offense moves against the Jets. The Bills have had their issues with the Jets defense in the past. Take out last year’s game when the offense scored 24 points in the Stevie celebration game, and the Bills offense has scored 16, 13, 14, 7, and 11 points in five games against the J-E-T-S. I think this will be close.
• Result: 17-16, Jets (Note: I will be kicked out of this game)
• Record: 0-1

Week 02

Kansas City Chiefs

Sun, 09/16 at 1:00 PM EDT

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• Home opener? Eh. Not exactly the most exciting game they could pick.
• This is the 5th year in a row the Bills have played the Chiefs (Bills are 4-1 against them). In fact, since that awful Monday Night Football game in 1991, when the Bills were crushed by the Chiefs, the Bills are 9-6 against them. 
• Best Chiefs/Bills game: Gotta be ’93 AFC Title game. A lot of people picked the Chiefs because they were sick of us ruining the Super Bowl. SCREW YOU! We knocked Montana out of the game and Thurman had like 180 yards. Oh, and we ruined the SB..again.
• Random stat: Ryan Fitzpatrick has 6 touchdowns against the Chiefs, which is the 3rd most he’s had against any one NFL team.
• 2nd random stat: Over the last 3 games against the Bills, the Chiefs have averaged only 10 points a game.
• KC stinks. They are like the castoffs from New England with their coach, GM, and QB. I know they have Charles and Eric Berry coming back (Watch it, Stevie. They aren’t happy with you with your chop block that ended his season last year) but I just don’t think their offense can move on us. For crap sakes, we beat them 41-7 last year.
• Result: 25-10, Bills
• Record: 1-1

Week 03

@ Cleveland Browns

Sun, 09/23 at 1:00 PM EDT

Away: Cleveland Browns Stadium

• There’s Cleveland! God, how awful was that 6-3 game in 2009?
• The Bills have scored three offensive touchdowns in their last four games against the Browns. How is that possible? It is Cleveland.
• Best Bills/Browns game: Gotta be the revenge game in 1990. I hated the Browns with the wrath of 200 King Jofferys (Game of Thrones) after Ronnie Harmon dropped the ball in the crushing ’89 divisional playoff game. I wanted blood and we got it in the rematch. We embarrassed their asses by a score of 42-0. It was awesome! Browns benched Kosar and fired their coach after the game. No joke. Darryl Talley had two picks, one returned for a TD.
• Random stat: Kyle Williams has 17 tackles and 1 sack against Cleveland.
• 2nd random stat: As a Buffalo fan, I think Cleveland is way more haunted than us.
• The Browns are terrible. Mike Holmgren should have picked up the phone during the Bills coach search of 2009. I don’t even know who their QB, RB, and WRs are. I think the RB is a high round pick from last year and he’s injured. Anyway, we should beat them.
• Result: 19-7, Bills
• Record: 2-1

Week 04

New England Patriots

Sun, 09/30 at 1:00 PM EDT

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• The Bills haven’t beaten New England in back-to-back years at home since the ’99 and 2000 seasons.
• Best Bills/Pats game that wasn’t last year’s: Hmmm..It was the week 2 game against the Pats in 1994. It was Bledsoe vs. Kelly. Jimbo had 4 touchdowns passes in the 1st half and it came after a week in which everyone doubted him (Bills lost 23-3 against the Jets in the home opener). Bills won, 35-31 in New England. It was a fun back-and-forth game.
• Random stat: Stevie Johnson has 21 catches for 273 yards and 3 touchdowns against NE.
• I love how we are playing the Pats the first time around at home once again, but I don’t think I have the guts to pick against them.
• Result: 30-20, Pats
• Record: 2-2

Week 05

@ San Francisco 49ers

Sun, 10/07 at 4:15 PM EDT

Away: Candlestick Park

• Cue up the Donte Whitner Twitter hate for this one.
• Best 49ers/Bills game: Gotta be the “No Punt” game. Probably a top 5 game in team history. I remember watching it at my sister’s house and we had pizza. I was like 12. Ah, memories. Check YouTube out if you wanna see the game.
• Random stat: Chris Kelsay has 1 sack against the 49ers in his career.
• 2nd Random stat: The 49ers have 15 1st round picks on their roster! 15! Randy Moss, Tedd Ginn Jr., Justin Smith, Carlos Rogers, Alex Smith, Donte Whitner, Patrick Willis, Vernon Davis, Randy Moss, Joe Staley, Anthony Davis, Michael Crabtree, Mike Iupati, Aldon Smith, and AJ Jenkins. The Bills? 6. McKelvin, Wood, Spiller, Dareus, Mario Williams, and Gilmore. Keep in mind two of the guys here are backups.
• Result: I love the 49ers’ skill position guys and their defense, but I’m not a fan of Alex Smith. I know he had a great game against the Saints in the playoffs, but the guy is nothing more than a game manager. 19 touchdowns last year? In that crappy division?However, I think their defense does enough to suffocate the Bills offense.
• Result: 20-7, 49ers.
• Record: 2-3

Week 06

@ Arizona Cardinals

Sun, 10/14 at 4:05 PM EDT

Away: University of Phoenix Stadium

• Chris Kelsay, Stevie Johnson, Rian Lindell, Brian Moorman, Fred Jackson, and Leodis McKelvin are the only players still left from the game in 2008 against the Cards.
• Best Bills/Card game: First ever game I went to was against the Cardinals in 1990.  There was snow, sleet, rain, crap and high winds. Seriously, I don’t even think the White Walkers from Game of Thrones could have survived it. It was also the game in which Rich Camerillo punted the ball backwards. Kelly had 4 touchdowns and even Tasker caught one.
• Random stat:  Stevie Johnson’s first NFL catch came against the Cards.
• 2nd Random stat: Terrence McGee’s first kickoff return for a TD came against the Cards.
• Result: This will be a tough game. More than likely, I can see the Bills staying out west for a 2nd straight week. Anyway, the Cards do scare me a little because of their defense. However, I have more confidence in Fitz than Corn Kolb/Skeletor.
• Result: 14-9, Bills 
• record: 3-3

Week 07

Tennessee Titans

Sun, 10/21 at 1:00 PM EDT

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• Did you know that the Bills have only beaten the Titans once since they left Houston? They are 1-6 since the Titans bolted Houston. If you remember, the last game Dick Jauron coached was against them, as the Bills were shellacked, 41-17. It was when Bud Adams flipped Ralph Wilson the bird.
• Best Titans/Bills game: Best game I ever went to was actually the only game we beat them. It was the 2000 season opener and it was on a Sunday night. The atmosphere was electric as both teams were coming off the Music City Miracle and the crowd had revenge on their minds. We won 16-14, but the best moment came when Ruben Brown was introduced and he chucked his helemt like 10 yards in the air. Seriously, it looked like the end of Braveheart when that Scottish guy launched his sword through the air and it landed perfectly. The Titans finished the season with a 13-3 record and looking back, it was probably in the top 3 for most impressive wins for the Bills during the decade.
• Random stat: Fred Jackson has one touchdown for his career against the Titans… and it was a pass to Lee Evans.
• Titans have a young defense and an unproven QB in Jake Locker. However, he’s obviously a talented kid and who’s to say this isn’t his year to break out? I think if you look back at last year’s game, the Bills were able to move the ball on the Titans, gaining 388 yards, but stupid penalties (holding penalty on McIntyre that cancelled out a long Spiller TD) and the defense sucking, hurt us.
• Result: 23-20, Buffalo
• Record: 4-3

Week 08

Bye

Week 09

@ Houston Texans

Sun, 11/04 at 1:00 PM EST

Away: Reliant Stadium

• Return to the place where JP Losman’s legacy was born. JP TO PRICE! TOUCHDOWN! Franchise QB! Ugh! That was the last time we played in Houston.
• Best Texans/Bills game: Well, you could say the comeback game, but it’s a different franchise. I’ll go with the 2002 game when we beat the Texans, 31-24. Moulds and Travis Henry had a huge game. It was when we all thought Bledsoe was the savior.
• Random stat: Ryan Fitzpatrick first home start for Buffalo came against the Texans. He was terrible. 15/23 for 117 yards and two picks. We lost..obviously.
• Mario Williams homecoming, huh? I like the Texans in this one. Just too much firepower and they still have a top tier defense even without Mario. Seriously, every position on the Texans is better than ours. Maybe our D-line is better, but that’s it.
• Result: 30-16, Texans. 
• Record: 4-4

Week 10

@ New England Patriots

Sun, 11/11 at 1:00 PM EST

Away: Gillette Stadium

• Eh! Haven’t won in New England since 2000. We beat them 16-13 in OT. Do you know who scored the only touchdown for us? Flutie to Riemersma. Future Broadcaster to Future congressman.
• Random stat: The most touchdowns Fitz has thrown against one team in the NFL are the Pats (7). Um, guess which team he’s also thrown the most INTs to? Um, yeah… The Pats and that would be 12 picks.
• Yeah…Second time around against the hoodie normally means we are fu#$ed. Since 2001, the Bills have lost by an average of 22 points when they meet again during the regular season. Crazy, but this feels like the earliest the Bills have been done with a division opponent ever. I can’t pick against the Pats, they still scare the shit out of me.
• Result: 34-20, Pats
• Record: 4-5

WEEK 11

Miami Dolphins

Thu, 11/15 at 8:20 PM EST

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• I’m a mark for primetime games. Yes, it’s on a Thursday night on a network that half of America doesn’t get, but seeing RWS at night and seeing the crazy nut jobs in the crowd gives me goosebumps. However, the Bills suck in primetime! They haven’t won at 8pm or 8:30pm or 8:15pm since 2001 against the Jags! They have gone 0-9 since! Losses against the 49ers, Dolphins, Chiefs, Pats, Pats, Cowboys, Pats, Pats, and Jets. I guess our players need the sun?
• Random stat: Chris Kelsay’s six sacks versus Miami are the most he’s had against any team. Great, give him another extension!
• 2nd random stat: Miami has started more QBs since Marino retired in 1999 than we have since Kelly bounced.
• Best Miami/Bills game: Hmmmmmmmmm… That’s a tough one. They were all so good during the 90’s. The game in which we clinched the division and homefield advantage throughout the playoffs? Kelly diving for the end zone? The playoff games? I think the season opener in 1991 was the best. Kelly went over 300 yards and Thurman went over 100 yards receiving and rushing.
• THE PRIMETIME CURSE ENDS! SQUISH THE FISH! I just think Miami is rebuilding. They have a new system, the have a rookie QB who just started playing QB like two years ago. They have no WRs. I just think we are better.
• Result: 20-13, Bills
• Record: 5-5

WEEK 12

@ Indianapolis Colts

Sun, 11/25 at 1:00 PM EST

Away: Lucas Oil Stadium

• Jim Irsay is one weird dude. He reminds me of someone who saw one too many Greatful Dead tours.
• Last time the Bills beat the Colts in Indy was 1999. It was when Johnson separated his rib cartilage. (Seriously? If that wasn’t an omen for RJ being injury prone, I don’t know what else you can throw at me. Who the hell separates rib cartilage?) Flutie came in to replace him. In fact, they have only played there once since 2001.
• Random stat: Fred Jackson’s best game as a pro came against the Colts B-team in 2009. I remember there was a debate on WGR afterwards about how the hosts didn’t want Fred (gained 212 yards) to come near OJ’s single game record. Um, really? I know it came against the B-team, but OJ is a murderer!
• 2nd random stat: Mario Williams has 8 career sacks against the Colts. That’s the most he’s had against a franchise.
• Best Colts/Bills game: Hmmm…Even when they were in the same division for all those years, it never felt special. I guess when Bennett knocked Jeff George out of the game during his first career start? How about when Paup killed Paul Justin in Indy during the ’95 season? The game in which Rob Johnson played well and Ralph Wilson Wade Phillips decided to bench him for Flutie, will probably go down as the worst 31-7 victory in Bills’ history. Yeah, I don’t really have one. The Colts were boring during the 90s. 
• I think the Colts may surprise some people this year. I’m not talking about 10-6, but they have some offensive weapons and everyone seems to be drooling over Luck. They will win like 5-6 games. I don’t think this will be one of them.
• Result: 33-24, Bills
• Record: 6-5

WEEK 13

Jacksonville Jaguars

Sun, 12/02 at 1:00 PM EST

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• Mike Mularkey and Paul Posluszny homecoming, huh? Doubt Mike will being going to public schools to make speeches, right? The Jags are just so utterly boring.
• The all-time record when these two teams get together…drum roll…5-5…Winner takes the series!
• I went to Kelly’s last game against the Jags during the 1996 playoffs and the feeling I had leaving the game was so empty. Kelly getting knocked out of the game and the Bills losing to the 2nd year Jags was such a shock. It was one of those games where no one – fans or experts – was picking against the Bills. Just leaving the stadium after that game… you knew it was over for them.
• Random stat: Rian Lindell has 58 points against the Jags for his career.
• Best Bills/Jags game: Gotta be Flutie rolling right for the gamewinner. It is too bad that game wasn’t on TV! Seriously, you could write a piece on awesome Bills games that weren’t sold out. It really was the start of Flutiemania. How about T.O. owing the longest TD catch in team history against the Jags? Eh…not so much.
• No way we lose against the Jags. Mularkey? I wonder if he will say that “if you beat the Bills, you beat Buffalo” again like he did when he was the OC in Miami. Remember when he couldn’t suspend Moulds without Ralph Wilson giving his consent? How about his obsession with getting the fullback involved in the offense? Bledsoe’s naked bootleg against the Pats? Ugh.
• Result: 21-7, Bills
• Record: 7-5

WEEK 14

St. Louis Rams

Sun, 12/09 at 1:00 PM EST

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

•  The Bills are 3-1 against them since they peaced out of LA. The Bills had four different QBs starting those games: Kelly, Johnson, Bledsoe and Edwards. The Bills scored 45, 32, 37, and 31 against them. That average has to be the most against any team in Bills history, right? curse?
• Best Bills/Rams game: I was only 9 at the time, but the Monday night game was an all-time classic. Seriously, was every game Frank Reich started for us like the greatest ever? The Rams were 5-0 and going up against an unknown QB in Frank Reich, was easily a top 20 game in team history. (Goto about the 17-minute mark for this clip)
• Random stat: For his career, Nick Barnett has 40 tackles and 2 sacks against the Rams
• I don’t know why, but the Rams kind of scare me. I know they stunk last year, but how long can you be bad when you constantly get top 5 picks? Alright, there are a number of examples that are possible, but they were the cool pick last year to win the NFC West. Anyway, I’d think twice if the game was in St. Louis, but dome teams suck in the cold.
• Result: 17-7, Bills
• Record: 8-5

WEEK 15

Seattle Seahawks

Sun, 12/16 at 4:05 PM EST

Home: Rogers Centre

• BOOOOOOOOOO TORONTO GAME! Seriously, couldn’t they give this city some entertaining teams? I wouldn’t even wanna see the Seabags. The star power is lacking.
• It will be an interesting homecoming for Marshawn Lynch. He was a stud down the stretch last year. No clue why it took their coach so long to make him an every down back. You know he will be pumped up for this one. I know when he got his DWI during the summer, the Bills Mafia and media decided to anoint Buddy the winner of the trade. Not so fast, slapnuts. Lynch has more rushing yards than Fred Jackson since the deal went down. He also made it to the playoffs and had one of the most electrifying runs in postseason history. More importantly, he didn’t get suspended and he still hasn’t driven over any fat chicks. As far as I’m concerned, the Seahawks have won the deal so far.
• Random stat: Since they went to four team divisions in 2002, the Bills have gone 6-2 against the NFC West.
• Best Bills/Seahawks game: Well, I just told you I wouldn’t want to see them play, right? I’d go with the McGahee game in 2004, when he scored 4 touchdowns and we kicked their asses. I could have also gone with the 2008 season opener, but I think getting four touchdowns in one game is better than beating a beat up Matt Hasselbeck.
• Why did this game have to be in Toronto? If it is in Buffalo, I’d probably pick the Bills. Alas, it is in the graveyard of Toronto. I don’t know why, but I sense a let down game. Plus, I keep picking the Bills to beat bad teams.
• Result: 20-17, Seahawks
• Record: 8-6

WEEK 16

@Miami Dolphins

Sun, 12/23 at 1:00 PM EST

Away: Sun Life Stadium

• I do wish the Miami rivalry would come back. Yes, I know most of you still hate them with all of your heart, but it is just not the same. Both franchises have been stagnant since the 90’s.
• Since 2008, the Bills have beaten Miami only once in Florida. OK, 1-3 doesn’t sound that horrible.
• Random stat: One of Jairus Byrd’s two career sacks came against Miami.
• I really need to get down to Miami for a Bills game. I just don’t think much of Miami.
• Result: 17-13, Bills
• Record: 9-6

WEEK 17

New York Jets

Sun, 12/30 at 1:00 PM EST

Home: Ralph Wilson Stadium

• The Bills haven’t beaten the Jets at home since 2007, which was Trent Edwards first start as a pro. You remember that game? It was when we all thought we had a QB. God, it sucks that I can remember the fake defining moment games for our QBs against certain teams.
• Normally, this is my Christmas game in Buffalo in which you can get tickets for like 15 bucks and see Tyler Thigpen vs. Browning Nagle. Remember when Nagle played for the Buffalo Arena team? Alas, I think this will be a huge game for the Bills. The playoffs will be on the line if we are going by my predictions. 
• Random stat: Terrence McGee has 5 career picks against the Jets, the most against any team. Too bad he’ll probably be on IR by then.
• 2nd Random stat: A lot has been made about the Bills playing four games at home in December and everyone is thrilled about it. “Like the dinosaurs, these teams won’t be able to handle the cold! BRRRR Blizzards! VICTORY!!!” Um, guys…that’s kind of an urban legend. Maybe I’d agree if a dome team is coming to town, but if your team sucks, it don’t matter where you are playing. In their last 21 games at home in December/January, the Bills are 7-14. Merry Christmas. However, they are playing the Jets and I think we get them this time around.
• Result: 16-14, Bills
• Record: 10-6

Final word:
10 wins sound like a lot. And truthfully, I didn’t think I would predict that many before I started this piece. I think the Bills are an 8-win team, but their schedule is so damn easy. There are only 3 playoff teams on this schedule and a lot of bad offenses. As it stands now, the Bills will have 7 games against rookie/2nd year QBs. Throw in Mark Sanchez (twice), Alex Smith, Matt Cassel, John Skelton/Kevin Kolb, and Sam Bradford and you are not looking at a passing barrage.

On the other hand, they play against a lot of top tier defenses. They play against 7 of the top 12 defenses from last year. I also didn’t have the Bills scoring a lot of points in their games. I see a lot of close, low-scoring games. I also had them beating the crappy teams, while the good teams, beat us. In a perfect world, if we can get the way the offense looked at the start of last year to mix in with a defense that should be better, they can win 10 games.

Of course, we know that things can change from year to year and who’s to say that Jake Locker or Sam Bradford don’t become the shit? The Bills are playing bad teams, but some of these teams have young, highly touted draft picks who could turn the corner. Seriously? If the Bills don’t win 10 games with this schedule, which looks like crap on paper, then we are doomed.