RECAP 53: Life’s an Avalanche…Survive It

History suggests that when the Penguins play bottom dwellers, the games are going to go one of two ways.

The Pens are either going to lay an egg or they’re going to win by a convincing scoreline.

With the Avs getting off to a really quick start, it could’ve gone the first way.  But with both teams being exactly who we thought they were, it went the second way.

The Avalanche suck.  They may be top 10 worst teams in NHL history.  That’s all there is to it.

First Period

From the opening puck drop, both teams had the motor going.  Cole Harbour’s Nate MacKinnon cranked a shot off the pipe 22 seconds in and continued eating the Pens lunch with Landeskog and Rantanen.  They had what felt like 18 chances in the first couple of minutes, including a 3v1, but you know they weren’t scoring.

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When you’re the team chained up in the basement of the NHL, being fed maybe once a week and having to sleep in your own piss and shit, you have to bury the chances you get when you get them.  The Avs haven’t done that and continued to not do that thing last night.

Instead, the Pens would get themselves on the board 4:01 into it.  Cullen made a heads up play to jump on Wiercioch in the neutral zone to pick the puck and take off on a 2v1 with Phil.  All she wrote.  1-0 Pens

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They’d get the chance to widen the gap with 2 first period powerplays, but it was the Avs nearly making the most of the opportunity.  Much to the dismay of Murray Deniers and Fleury Apologists that hope Murr fails (they exist), he was there to bail the Guins out on a couple of occasions in the opening 20.

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UPDATE: The 9th Circuit of Appeals ruled overnight that it’s unconstitutional to question Matt Murray’s legitimacy as this team’s #1 goaltender.  And no, your unhinged tweets won’t change that.

Second Period

Just 3:37 into the period, the Pens went back to the PP after Zadorov hauled down 87.  And 17 seconds into it, they cashed in.  Great play from Schultz to hold the puck in and get it down low.  Took a weird bounce off the glass, but Phil reacted and dropped it off in Hornqvist’s office for the taptaptaperoo.  2-0

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Cole Harbour’s Nate MacKinnon almost cut the lead in half shortly after, but just couldn’t buy one all game long.  Bad change and bad pass turned MacKinnon up ice on a breakaway, but he found nothing but iron for the 3rd time of the game.  Pens had to kill off an Eric Fehr holding penalty right after that, then started taking a stranglehold on the game.

Somewhere late, Rust got upended from behind by Barberio after a shot, crashing and burning into Pickard and literally dying.  Really dangerous, unnecessary, chickenshit play.

Pens kept rolling though.  And with 1:22 left, Hornqvist would net his 2nd on the night, coming of another lost Crosby faceoff and another great keep-in by Schultz.  72 with a bigly deflection on the shot, stood his ground, and buried his own rebound, making Beauchemin look like roadkill.  3-0

Third Period

With this Penguins team, you just know a 3-0 lead heading into the 3rd period against the worst team in the league with a 9:00 PM puck drop meant you could just go to bed.

It wasn’t until Hornqvist was in the box for tripping with just over 3 minutes to play that the Avs were able to get on the board.  They isolated Daley on the powerplay, got him running around with some mystifying passing before Landesbabe buried it.  3-1

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With Pickard pulled for the extra skater, Kunitz would net the gimme goal following a Dad Block to spring him.  4-1.

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Game.

Notes

• Hell of a game out of Cole Harbour’s Nate MacKinnon.  Probably deserved his fair share of goals.  Probably deserves a better team, too.  He should be so dominant in this league, but just has a trash heap around him.  Looking at you, Joe Sakic.

• Matt Murray owns.  Pens left him for dead on more than enough occasions but he was the show.
• Crosby still stuck on 998 points.  Schultz has as many assists as 87 this year though.

Pens round out the Dad’s Trip against another dogshit team in whatever city the Coyotes are trying to play hockey these days on Saturday night.  Do it.