Responding to Reader Email

I get lots of emails everyday. Some from my boss, some from my Mom and others from people who are fans of the site. Most of the time they’re from Mom. Anyway, I figured that it might be pretty neat and a good way to pass time if I gave you a look at some of the fine folks who take time out of their day to converse with me. The following are real, unedited emails from readers like you. The names have not been changed because there’s really no reason to protect these people. Again, completely and totally unedited. And not in any way the stuff from my spam folder. Not at all.

from Kowalski ([email protected])
to [email protected]
date Tue, Jul 8, 2008 at 8:27 AM
subject Stray javelin kills 6-year-old girl

Microsoft announced today the successful negotation to merge Yahoo with parent company [link redacted].

Dear Kowalski,

I’m certainly saddened to hear that a stray javelin killed your daughter. The dangers that random flying javelins pose to our nation’s youth have never been given the attention they deserve. The only real course of action for us Americans is without a doubt to go to war. We’re at war in the Gulf. We’ve gone to war on drugs. We even started a war on poverty. Now, I think it’s time to start a war with stray javelins.

Thanks,

Kevin

from Pet Sinclair ([email protected])
to [email protected],
[email protected]
date Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 1:07 AM
subject More than 300,000 People die every year in USA of Obesity . Are you Next ?

300,000 People die every year in USA of Obesity ….. Are you Next ??? [link redacted]

Dear Pet,

First off, I would like to officially welcome you to the new millennium. Judging by your Lycos email address, you somehow managed to email me from 1996 thus violating the time space continuum. You may be the first human being to accomplish such a feat. Congratulations!

As for your question, no I don’t think that I will be next. Star Jones was next and then she had that surgery. Now, I think the next person is Randolph Johnson from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I’m not sure though.

Take care,

Kevin

from JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICALS ([email protected])
reply-to [email protected]
to [email protected]
date Sun, Jul 6, 2008 at 6:29 AM
subject Job Offer!!

FROM THE DESK OF
Mr. Pao Yasin
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICALS.
No.2, Lane 70,
Ming Chu Road, Sec.1,Tung Pao,
CHINA.

Attention!

An international representative to collect payments on our behalf from our foreign customers is needed in your region. If you are intrested please contact our Foreign Service Manager, Dr. Song Wang with below email for details:
E-mail: [email redacted]
Dr Song Wang
Foreign Service Manager.

Regards,
Management,
JIANGSU TIANYIN CHEMICALS.

Dear Management!

I are intrested in contact Song Wang. He in your base killing your doodz.

FAIL

Regards,
Management,
Barry Melrose Rocks Bullshit Detection Department