Revised Star Wars Predictions-2007

Prediction

AFC EAST

Star Wars Character

Result?

11 – 5

Keeps Darth Vader (below) on a tight leash.  Used to be terrifying, but now is just old and wrinkled.

As evil as ever.

10 – 6

The threatening apprentice.  Knows what he’s doing, but will still end up sliced in half at the bottom of a reactor shaft.

Count Dooku: Wound up unable to throw the ball.

6 – 10

He was right there until the end, then he blew up.

See the Dallas game (Week 5).

Miami

5 – 11

Bumbling moron.

“The ability to speak doesn’t make you intelligent.”

Prediction

AFC NORTH

Star Wars Character

12 – 4

Incredible defense against a large scale attack, but has a tendency to implode.

Droid Control Station: Same basic idea, much less effective.

10 – 6

Wins a lot of pod races, but has been known to cheat.  The shot at another title was undone by an ugly crash.

Fell apart at the finish line.

10 – 6

Imprisoned, but he broke out just in time to lead a major offensive.

Super Battle Droid:  Big guns, but was ripped apart by anyone competant.

Cleveland

3 – 13

They are small, brown, and constantly trading for junk.

Ewok: Small, brown, and moderately effective.

Prediction

AFC SOUTH

Star Wars Character

Colts

11 – 5

You aren’t sure he is going to get it done in the end, but you can’t imagine the story ending any other way.

Cut off his hand?  No problem, he’ll replace it.

10 – 6

Sort of menacing at first glance, but easily defeated by lesser heroes.

Gammorrean Guard: Huge and fearsome, wields an axe.

6 – 10

Slow moving herd animals who are easily mastered.

Still at the back of the pack.

6 – 10

Competent leadership that is constantly failed by its underlings.

Grand Moff Tarkin: Deserves a promotion.

Prediction

AFC WEST

Star Wars Character

14 – 2

Very frightening, but never lived up to its incredible potential.

Not as good as he could have been.

9 – 7

A brilliant strategist who always seems to fall into traps.

Couldn’t “repell firepower of that magnitude.”  Probably should have retreated.

6 – 10

You have to be careful because they’ll let you ride them to death.

“And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”

3 – 13

They may look tough, but they aren’t.

Shows signs of life, but still folds when it counts.

Prediction

NFC EAST

Star Wars Character

11 – 5

Has talented protégées, but it all could go horribly wrong.

Time to get a worried look and say, “That’s no moon.”

10 – 6

Nearly defeated the Emperor.  (Also McNabb would look badass wielding a purple lightsaber.)

“This party’s over.”

8 – 8

Sibling of the chosen one.

An underdeveloped talent.

Washington

7 – 9

Rich and bloated.

Still a formidable opponent.

Prediction

NFC NORTH

Star Wars Character

Result?

12 – 4

Brash and talented, but has no arm.

Evil Anakin: Too much bad Rex.

6 – 10

Really, really boring.

AT-AT:  Mammoth ground weapon that goes down surprisingly easy.

6 – 10

Green and 800 years old.

Dueling Yoda: Regained some former glory, but still sort of limps around.

6 – 10

“He is as clumsy as he is stupid.”

Same bad result despite flashes of brilliance.

Prediction

NFC SOUTH

Star Wars Character

12 – 4

His presence is nearly inexplicable, but he’s going to be there in the end.

Porkins: Too slow on the defense.

7 – 9

A favorite of everyone’s, but may break down at exactly the wrong time.

Refurbished, but too many old parts.

3 – 13

Lots of pilots, none of them any good.

X-Wing Squadron: Found some good piloting after all.

2 – 14

You couldn’t be more screwed.

“He’s alive and in perfect hibernation.”

Prediction

NFC WEST

Star Wars Character

Result?

10 – 6

Wet, rainy and wet.

Snow-speeder: Always in the air.  Could have trouble adapting to the cold.

9 – 7

Impressive looking warrior who is too easily defeated by the dark side.

Zam Wessel: Too injured to fight back.

9 – 7

Always the sexy pick, but ends up choking you to death.

Everyone will love them again next year.

6 – 10

A rich lineage in formal attire.

Noble stand at the end hurt the empire.