Hey. What’s up. Sorry, I took a week off. I had a kid. So there’s that.
Anyway, what a dumb week for babies to be born! There was a lot of Vikings free agency stuff that happened, good and stuff that was more on the dumb side that we can justifiably make fun of. I certainly wouldn’t want us to miss out on that opportunity, so we are going to run through the slew of free agency roster moves that have occurred recently and provide our typical underwhelming snark while reviewing them. So much to look forward to!
Today, we start with perhaps the most exciting roster move last week, which was when the Vikings signed long snapper Cullen Loeffler.
WE DID WHO?
Cullen Loeffler, aged 34 years old on this here earth, signed a one-year deal with the Minnesota Vikings last week. He has spent his entire 11 year career with the Vikings, after the Vikings signed him as an undrafted free agent out of the University of Texas in 2004. 2004! Do you know how long ago that was? Well, like 12 football seasons coming up, basically. Spider-Man 2 was released in 2004. No, not the Andrew Garfield abortion, but possibly the best super hero movie ever Spider-Man 2. Think about that.
OK, SO NOW WHAT?
Well, the Loeffler deal was a low risk, medium reward move for the Vikings. Typically you need along snapper on your team, and once you find one, long snappers are kind of like hemorrhoids … They stick around until you get too old to be used anymore. I don’t know if that makes sense. But being a long snapper is like the dopest job in the NFL. You come, collect you check, snap the ball, pretend to go tackle a guy on a special teams play occasionally, rarely get trounced like a receiver over the middle, and collect a nice paycheck. Sometimes until you’re 34 years old! That has to be on the drop of the bell curve of average player ages in the NFL, right?
DO WE CARE AT ALL?
Uh, sure! The punting seems to have been fine, from Chris Kluwe to Jeff Locke, so no issues there really. Why not re-sign the guy that hasn’t been an issue? Loeffler also makes up the special teams trio of Loeffler, Locker, and Walsh (law firm?) which has been together for two years now. It probably doesn’t make a ton of sense to switch things up, especially when the team has a ton of other shit to worry about as far as positional-gap filling goes in free agency and the draft. I mean think about it … If you can sign a guy like Loeffler to a one year deal under a million dollars, that’s probably fine. Check a box off the off-season to-do list and move on to addressing the glaring hole at middle linebacker.
OH COOL DID YOU KNOW THIS, PROBABLY!
Loeffler is the longest tenured Viking on the roster. 11 years, going on 12. That’s crazy. “Hey, which Vikings has been a Viking the longest? You franchise player? Face of the team? Oh, no, just this long snapper guy!” What the hell. The NFL is so weird some times.
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