Saints Offseason Grades – very serious stuff

You know me, I can’t stand going too long without grading something… so here are some grades for the offseason so far:

Jimmy Graham: A

Give the dude some credit, he gets traded to the Seahawks… after all the “I’m Jimmy” shenanigans. No parting shots at the Saints, no immature public statements. The guy deserves credit for taking the high road. And the anxiety that his mid flight tweets gave me are no more.

Darren Sproles’ Wife: C-

Jimmy Graham acting like a pro on the way out reminded me of the Compton curse Sproles’s special lady friend dropped on the Superdome last year. Man that was totally uncool, kind of like trading her husband when he was first told he’d be cut. I’d fail her for such an unclassy move, but so far her curse seems to have worked. So her grade gets a bump, but I reserve the right to fail her next offseason if the Saints become good again. If they get even worse, her powers are strong and an A is in sight.

Curtis Lofton: D

Now we’re stuck with Dannell Ellerbe all because Lofton wouldn’t just accept a pay cut. Jahri Evans, with wayyyy more skins on the wall, is about to. Colston did, Bunkley did, and so did Hawthorne. Hell, Ellerbe took a massive pay cut and there was no in house good will with him. I can’t believe that guy thought he was worth the $9 million he was due. And of course the Raiders justified that belief. So I guess you win, Curtis. Except you have to be on the Raiders. So you lose, Curtis. Literally and figuratively.

Josh Hill: A++++++

Clearly he’s so good we all feel fine about Jimmy Graham getting shipped. Sean Payton feels even better because THANK GOD he didn’t get invited to the combine. He might have been drafted in the 7th round. God forbid the Saints had shipped off the opportunity to draft Josh Hill so they could secure Parys Haralson. Seriously, though, Josh, please be awesome ok?

Drew Brees: C-

He’s still tweeting. And that picture of his kid wearing a Graham jersey… I’d tease him about that, but all I can read from this account is #spon #spon #spon

Rita Benson-LeBlanc: F-

You had one job. Don’t blow it. Don’t smoke weed in the Superdome. Don’t get physical with an old lady in front of a bunch of people. Don’t fire every underling that forgets to greet you as “your royal highness”. Well, actually, that’s more than one job I guess. But they all add up to her blowing it. And now the Hail Mary “you’ve lost your mind” law suit? She’s clearly lost hers.

Tom Benson: B+

Correcting himself from Ronald Reagan to Harry Truman as current US president while washing down some rocky road with a swig of red is a strong move. A+ quality. But let’s not forget the Hurricane Katrina/Arnold Fielkow/San Antonio transgressions, and the fact that this guy is no saint. I’m glad it worked out, but even if I’m as far from #TeamRita as it gets, defending this guy is where I draw the line. His commitment to family and the city was questionable to begin with.

Cairo Santos: Incomplete

Great first season in Kansas City, bro. 25/30 is a great rookie season. We were all convinced he was coming here. Nothing against Shayne Graham, who was fine. But seriously, why is Santos not on the Saints roster right now? We all knew he would be good.

Jeff Duncan: F—–

This post carries zero weight without an unnecessary yet gratuitous pot shot at Sir Jeft.

The US Legal System: F

Darren Sharper is going to be out in 9 years terrorizing our streets again. What a joke. I’d seriously consider trading the Super Bowl victory for a much harsher sentence. Assuming I never actually have to make that choice. But seriously, this plea deal is almost more shocking than his crimes. He should never see the light of day again.

The Atlanta Falcons: B+

Seriously, good on them for calling a spade a spade. Their fan base sucks. We know it, they know it. So they pipe fake noise to make it seem like they have a Superdome experience. Can you blame them? The fact that they went 3-5 at home last year makes it extra special. Have they considered cardboard cut out people for the empty seats next season?

Kevin Held: C

Love the guy, he’s my bro… but the wrestling thing is reaching a point of no return. Hoping tinder picks up for him or new interests come along. Ralph talking about his wife is a welcomed break from Kevin’s wrestling rants at this point.

People that donated to our podcast: A+ times infinity

That is incredibly generous, it does not go unnoticed. Thank you. We spend a lot of time doing this for free, pretty much, because we love it. The fact that you enjoy it enough to pay some when we need it is really cool. You guys rock (if you’re still reading this?)

Roddy White: F-

Has he opened his mouth lately? There you go.

Andy Tanner: B-

See that picture at the top? Did you know he once looked into Medusa’s eyes and turned her to stone? He’s still on the roster. Yes, for real. Go look for yourself, then. The guy is like a phoenix. He just rises from the ashes and never goes away. The only reason his grade isn’t higher is he’s listed as having 1 year of NFL experience. I realize spending 7 straight seasons jumping from the practice squad, to cut, to IR, to signed and a partridge in a pear tree doesn’t count as accruing an NFL season… but if this guy has 1 year of NFL experience then Nickelback has one album. Just because the band isn’t good it doesn’t mean they’re going away or that you can discount the sheer volume of their discography. Or maybe the NFL is saying you can. All hail Goodell.