Well, the Detroit Red Wings took a big step yesterday toward retaining the Stanley Cup when they absolutely hammered the befuddled Chicago Blackhawks 6-1 at the United Center. The Wings scored in every period, they scored on the power play (three times), they scored short-handed, and they scored five-on-five. They basically dominated a young ‘Hawks team that looked overmatched, despite the absence of the Red Wings’ best offensive and defensive players respectively, Pavel Datsyuk (ankle) and Niklas Lidstrom (lower body injury.) In addition, Marty Havlat, who is still Chicago’s playoff points leader with 15 despite having only two this series, played less than 8 minutes and appeared to be a shell of himself as he returned to the ice after the monstrous hit that Niklas Kronwall laid on him in game 3.
Basically, Chicago is being out-classed in this series, as it shifts to a dangerous trap game for the Wings at Joe Louis Arena on Wednesday night, with Detroit leading the series 3 games to 1. While the Wings have to be careful to avoid a let-down in game 5, mark my words that if Nikolai Khabibulin does not return for game 5, the Blackhawks will be booking flights Thursday to various Carribean islands for next week. I say this not only because the ‘Bulin Wall has the playoff experience that Chicago needs in net, having appeared in 6 previous post-seasons, and winning 5 playoff series and a Stanley Cup with the Tampa Bay Lightning in 2004, but because Cristobal Huet is a bum. Sure, he made the Eastern Conference All-Star team two years ago with the Canadiens and has boasted some flashy save percentages at times during his career, but he chokes under the spotlight. As Montreal’s goalie, he lost four straight games to the Carolina Hurricanes in the first round of the 2006 playoffs after winning the first two games of the series. The only other playoff series he has participated in, he lost in 7 games to the Flyers in the first round of the 2008 playoffs with the Capitals. Most importantly, Huet is French. Enough said. This guy will NOT beat us.
Meanwhile, the first-place Detroit Tigers opened up a three game set in Kansas City with the second place Royals today by trouncing K.C. 13-1. Justin Verlander, who apparently jumped into the “Back to the Future” time machine a month ago and set it at 2-0-0-6, went 7 scoreless innings, giving up just 5 singles and no walks. He also struck out 8 and is leading the Majors in K’s with 85. He is now 5-0 with an 0.85 ERA in his last six starts, and his stuff is “just filthy padnuh”. Speaking of being filthy padnuh, check out this clip of Rod Allen charging the mound in a game in Japan and threatening havoc on a bunch of 5 foot tall Japanese dudes:
Obviously, the look on the pitcher’s face, captured on pause, is priceless. But I just love how melodramatic Rod throws his helmet about 30 feet as he begins to charge the mound, and proceeds to follow the terrified tosser into the outfield. Then the gem, Rod telling his coach repeatedly to “Get off me!” as he attempts to calm the crazy ass American and lead him back to the dugout to avoid further embarrassment.
But I digress. The Tigers are up on the Royals by 4 games and in game 2 tomorrow the Tigers’ Edwin Jackson (4-2, 2.55) faces off against Zack Greinke (7-1, 0.82) in a wonderful match-up at 8:10pm ET.
Finally, to get to the point of the title of my piece, we Detroiters need to start eating more Little Caesars Pizza. Allow me to explain: As most of you know, Mike Illitch owns the Detroit Red Wings and the Detroit Tigers. We know what he has done with the Red Wings’ organ-eye-zation, as they say in Canada, since buying it in 1982- he has turned it into the preeminent franchise in the NHL. It took Mr. Illitch a lot longer to get the Tigers going, but they have certainly moved in a great direction in the last 4 seasons. Mike Illitch is smart enough and humble enough to know that in any business you need to have people under you making decisions on a daily basis who are masters in their craft, who know the product better than you do. You have to hand the reigns to these talented folks and trust (and defer to) them. In the Wings and Tigers organizations, these guys are headed by GM’s Ken Holland and Dave Dombrowski.
Unfortunately, the Fords are not smart enough or humble enough to be able to realize this with their Detroit Lions. They have meddled with the team for decades, and have successfully driven the franchise into the ground. We need new ownership. Now I know that owning two professional franchises is difficult enough of a task and that owning three may be too much for any one man or family, but if anyone can pull this off, it is our native son Mike Illitch. So I am putting out a public plea for Mr. Illitch and his family to buy the Detroit Lions from the Fords. But we have to help him. We have to pump revenue into the Illitch holdings and essentially help them help us. Not only do we need to continue to buy Red Wings and Tigers paraphernalia like our life depends on it, but we have to eat TONS of Little Caesars Pizza. Mr. Illitch’s “other business” has slipped to #4 in sales among pizza chains behind Pizza Hut, Dominos, and Papa Johns. 2,000 Little Caesars Pizza stores have shut down in the last two decades.
So buy Little Caesars Pizza. Eat it for breakfast with a side of scrambled eggs, eat it under your covers at night as you read a book with a flashlight. Eat it while you’re on the john. Eat it while you’re being intimate. I don’t care where you are, just eat it. Besides, it’s frickin’ delicious, and you can get a huge ‘za for just $5. I grew up on the stuff, and look at me. I used to pick up a “Pizza Pizza” and later a “Hot ‘N’ Ready” just about every night as a youngster. The breadsticks rock and their wings are killer. And don’t forget to pick up a 2 liter of Moutain Dew to chug while you’re staying up late watching those playoff hockey games. Think about it: The next Little Caesars Pizza you buy could save the Detroit Lions franchise. Now that, my friends, is called “making a difference”. Go make a difference.
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