Say, let’s TRY to write a Delmon Young soap opera

Today, Philadelphia media got their first real look at the enigma that is Delmon Young. It was a pretty dry piece, with Delmon giving his typical terse, uninformative answers. Despite his brevity, he does give a couple quality quotes, but the coup de race was was how the interview ended:

So you just went directly from Florida to California, doctor’s office to ballpark?
Young: You guys trying to write a soap opera here or something?

Oh man. That’s perfect. Hilarious and perfect.What would you call it? Well, obviously, the first name to come to mind is “Delmon Young and the Restless” I would say, though, another appropriate name is “As Delmon Turns (and watches a lazy fly ball roll to the wall for a triple)”. Take your pick.

Anyways, let’s see if we can’t dramatize Delmon’s life with a couple vignette’s taken from this very interview!

SCENE 1
[Delmon sits in airport with a monologue to himself] Young: I have so much on my plate today. I am meeting my teammates for the first time, I need to continue my rehab, and I will be facing live pitching for the first time since October. There is so much stress for a normal man. How will I overcome? How will I manage?
I will overcome! I will manage this stress, too much for a normal man!
[Cut to Delmon sleeping on an airplane]

SCENE 2
[Delmon and his aide, Alfred, prepare for the day] Alfred: Are you anxious, Delmon?
[Delmon looks sideways at Alfred]: No, not really.
[Delmon walks towards the window and continues]: It’s cold, Alfred. And it’s only March 6th.
[Delmon turns defiantly towards Alfred and says confidently]: I’m not anxious at all
[Delmon strides purposefully out of his chambers]

SCENE 3
[Manager Charles Manuel is concerned, and interrogating Delmon over a glass of port] Manuel: How is your ankle feeling? Is it feeling better? Is it feeling…. normal?
[Delmon gives the question thoughtful consideration]: I don’t know.
[Delmon walks towards the window and stares wistfully into the night] It’s been a since I was a little kid that it felt normal.
[Delmon lowers to a whisper, fighting back tears] So I don’t know.