Search Keywords That Make Me Question My Fellow Man (and Woman)

There was another blog with a similar post that inspired me to write this, but I can’t for the life of me remember where I saw it. If you know, let me know.

But today I want to examine one of the funnier parts of being in charge of this site. I get to see all the silly search terms people use to get here. Of course, “Barry Melrose” “Barry Melrose Rocks” and “Mark Messier’s tears” are common search terms that direct people here. But what are the one in a million, random, creepy ass hits that we get from random creepy ass people searching the interwebs? Well, glad you asked. The following is a sampling of the best and weirdest with my comments in parenthesis.

• roses are red (why, I have no clue)
• huckabee air hockey (blame Greg for this one)
• playoff beards (naturally. it’s the post with the most hits all-time)
• play with other people (what the…)
• barry melrose is god
• crying ryan smyth (this person obviously shares our interests)
• lost season four episode one (I hope they took it seriously)
• top list of precious rocks
• what wayne gretzky looks like
• eric lindros shirtless (ew.)
• “high school reunion” + “dumb people”
• “matt damon” + “has a huge ass” (I kid you not)
• being a kid sucks
• body laziness (isn’t that what the internet is made for?)
• brian burke is a jerk
• caveism (there was really one for caveism!! I’m so proud)
• concussion made from jello (I didn’t know they make those)
• dog as a lure to molest (now we’re getting into the scary stuff)
• difference between jersey girls and trash (there is none, duh)
• dumb things to do in montreal (yell bombe in a crowded street?)

There are just pages and pages of these and they are freaking hilarious. I’ll post more but right now I need to catch my breath from laughing so hard. And there are still some I left out for being too graphic. Like the one about doing a certain thing to a certain animal in a certain infamous Mexican city. Yeah the human race is a scary, scary thing. I think I might go live in a bunker from now on to stay away from you freaks.