Shameless Jameis, Hail Marys, And Other Bye Week Rumblings

With the Oregon Ducks and the Seattle Seahawks both off this week, the Portland Trail Blazers still a few days away from training camp, and the Seattle Mariners all but eliminated from playoff contention, we’re staring down the barrel of a dud of a sports weekend. Heck, what should have been the best college football game of the week already happened, with UCLA putting an absolute whooping on Arizona State last night.

To be honest, though, after a couple heart-stoppers for the Ducks and ‘Hawks last weekend, I’m OK with taking a breath this weekend in order to gather myself for what is sure to be another wild and crazy football season.

Plus, as much as I love my football, we all need a bye week every once in a while. It gives us a chance to have a productive weekend for once. Knocking out some chores or home projects. Hit up some Home Depot, maybe even a little Bed, Bath and Beyond (I don’t know if I’ll have enough time!). Heck, if you’re a truly compassionate football fan, it even allows for a brief window to sneak in an engagement party (Thanks, Chris!)

On top of all that, it allows me to take a moment and give a quick shout out to some of the other goings-on in and around the football world. Things that might typically slip through the cracks, but, deserve a head nod, a butt slap, a red hot poker in the eye, or, in the case of the Washington Huskies, some Nelson Muntz-esque mocking laughter. Heck, if you’re lucky, you might even get an obscure Chappelle Show reference.

With that, on to some bye week rumblings:

• When you’re the reigning Heisman Trophy winner and you get in trouble for the umpteenth time, causing your coach to slap you with a suspension on the eve of arguably the biggest game of the season, it should probably get your attention. If you’re Jameis Winston that apparently means that you should suit up in full pads and begin warming up with his teammates like you are going to play, as if nothing was wrong. The look of exasperation on Jimbo Fisher’s face when he was forced to pull Winston aside and tell him to sit his butt down was priceless.

  Now, I’m not going to outright say that Famous Jameis is dumb, but, the scene on the field prior to last Saturday’s game gave me the distinct impression that he has no idea what the word “suspension” means. I can almost picture him sitting in Jimbo Fisher’s office the day before the game as Fisher solemnly and regretfully informs him of the suspension, followed by Winston flashing that million dollar smile and saying “Ok, great! … Is that all?” Fisher then eyes him quizzically, sighs, and says “Yeah, Jameis, that’s it,” knowing full-well that not a word of what he just said sunk in at all. Pity the NFL GM who ends up with millions of dollars invested in this kid.

• Sure, it only lasted a half, but, I can’t remember a better 30 minutes of football schadenfreude than the first half of the Georgia State – Washington “showdown” in Seattle. Not only did the Huskies look completely inept on both sides of the ball as the dropped behind 14 – zip at the half, but, they did it to a team who has (this is not a joke) NEVER beaten an FBS team in the history of their program. NEVER. [Mr. Muntz, you can take it from here.]

• Superstition tracker – Unofficial score card of the Ducks – Cougars game, based on where I sat:
  Standing: WSU 7, Oregon 0
  Kneeling: Ducks 7, Cougars 0
  Bar stool: UO 14, Wazzu 14
  Couch: Quacks 17, Coog-its 10

  Conclusion: I’m a crazy person for thinking that there is any correlation here. That being said, I’m heading for the couch next game … until something bad happens. Then all bets are off.

• Who the heck is River Cracraft, and why is he tearing up the Ducks secondary? Is there anything more frustrating than watching some obscure player dominate your team when you can’t even pronounce his name? Seriously, there’s just something about that name that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around.

  Is it some sort of deranged bird call? [cra-CRAFT!]. Maybe it more closely resembles something you’d hear out of the mouth of a dismissive teenage girl? [Cray-cray! Ffft]. Or, is it more like some sort of drug fueled water vessel? [Crack-raft]. Personally, I prefer the latter, in which he and his brothers Johnny Speedboat and Timmy Methcanoe also run Eastern Washington’s largest water-based drug cartel.

• After watching two ridiculously absurd (and pretty brutal) fist fights between liquored up NFL fans this past Sunday (one between two Eagles fans, and another massive, blood-soaked brawl between 49ers and Cardinal fans), is it really that surprising that ratings have continued to soar for the NFL, despite what seems like a non-stop parade of bad press. It’s almost as if a large majority of their fan base is as unfazed by, and as supporting of, extremely violent behavior as their commissioner and league office. Almost.
• Has a title ever fit someone as perfectly as Lane Kiffin being the Offensive Coordinator at Alabama? I’m not usually the oversensitive type, but I find the site of Lane Kiffin on the sidelines truly offensive. Now, if only Nick Saban can get promoted to become the Head Dickish Old Curmudgeon, the universe can finally start righting itself.

• Sure, the Ducks may have struggled against what most consider to be an inferior Washington State team last weekend, but, if the Sports Illustrated cover jinx includes Marcus Mariota throwing more touchdowns than incomplete passes, then I’m all for putting him on the cover each and every week. Facing a ridiculous amount of pressure due to a depleted offensive line, Mariota turned maybe his most impressive performance to date. Which is saying something.

  And, while we’re on the subject of SI covers, here’s a pretty crazy, fun fact: Marcus Mariota has been on more SI covers before turning 21 than anyone else, except some guy named LeBron James. Mariota has been on 3, to LeBron’s 4. Not too shabby for a guy who was lightly recruited, and didn’t become a starter until his senior year of high school.

• After watching what is surely the early favorite for game of the year in the Pac-12 (if not the nation), here’s hoping that Arizona got all their 36-point quarters, Hail Marys and just plain old good luck out of the way heading into next Thursday night’s showdown with the revenge-minded Ducks. You hope that with the scare put in them up in the Palouse and the beating they took in Tucson last year, the Mark Helfrich’s squad will be ready to go.

  Of course, as inconsistent as the Ducks have been, and with freshman sensation Anu Solomon and the Wild Bear Down Cats seemingly starting to figure things out under Rich Rodriguez, this game is starting to look a wee bit scarier than we once though. Especially with what is sure to be an Arizona squad brimming with confidence after what could be a season defining comeback for the ages. Be careful, Ducks!

PS: Ppprrrrr