Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

cleatus

There were stretches where they were awful. There were so many times the Bruins made us poop our pants or flip off a box of kittens. But wow was that their absolute best game all season.

This 5-3 victory over the Sharks was infinitely more important than a 4-0 domination over a team like the Sabres. This is the first game all season we’ve seen the Bruins BATTLE. Against one of the best teams in the NHL no less. Something seemed to click for the first time this season over the course of those great three periods we just watched.

This is why we’ve been so pissed at the Bruins. A top team like the Sharks came in, took the lead and instead of sulking like they’ve done s far this season, the Bruins decided to kick some ass. Where has this been? No, we don’t expect them to win every game but if you can’t admit that this spark has been missing from the Bruins all season then you’re a poo poo head.

The defense is still a mess. That is clear. But at least they showed they still have that fight in them they used to have that just says they don’t care if they’re short handed… they’ll still mess you up. Now they need to carry that forward. If they come out next game and get killed tonight was essentially meaningless.

But wow was that a fun game. Our dear, dear Bruins are in there somewhere. They just have to find a way to fully burst out.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– TD Garden playing Rise Against songs. Rise Against is awesome and if you don’t think so I hate your face. If we’re being honest though I already hated your face.

– Douglas Hamilton’s confidence. Love it. He’s already awesome and he’s going to get even better and we’re going to get to watch it all happen. We’ll try to overlook how open you left Couture because we love you.

– That shot by Marchand on the B’s first goal. DAMN. He called himself out today then answered…himself? Either way, great play, great shot and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– The great reference Marshall pulled out of his wonderful ass.

“There you are Marchy”

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s8ZEFUSYAI]

– The insane pressure Gagne West and Paille put on San Jose at the end of the first. So far this season the Bruins spend way too much time pouting after they get scored on but in the first at least they decided to try to do something about it.

– Bruins RIDICULOUS start to the second period. Didn’t score but the way they just systematically tried to dissect the Sharks gave us wowsers in our trousers. Lots of pressure and scoring chances. Loved it.

– David Krejci. He’s playing with so much attitude this season. Great steals, great passes, great goals, great everything. Sure, occasional turnovers but who doesn’t do those. We’re not afraid to admit we’d let Krejci make love to us if he wanted to.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– While defensively the Bruins defense has been a subpar this season, they are basically owning teams on offense and they contributed yet again. Krug with a blast to break the tie in the middle of the second. Such a beauty.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Cam Neely acknowledging the silly superstitions we all have when he joked about not being able to leave the booth after Krug scored.

– Dat powerplay though.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Bruins start the third period with some rough shifts and all of a sudden you’re peeing your pants and crying in the corner. Then every Sharks player on the ice decided to look at Milan Lucic to see if he really could fit 10 hot dogs in his mouth and Seth Griffith sneaks in and just BURIES the puck. Great first NHL goal. Thanks for tying the game McGriff the Goal Dog.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Bruins fourth line was their best line all night. Gagne and Paille seem like they’re bestest pals. Then midway through the third with the game tied Campbell was like hey guys I wanna play! And they did. And it was good.

 Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

(Editor’s note: Jon is a jerk. A big, fat, trolling jerk)

– Everything but the finish on that short handed chance for Marchand late in the third. My goodness that was good. So close.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– That ridiculously beautiful four minute penalty kill at the end of the third. Best four minutes of hockey the Bruins have played all season. Seriously. It gave me sooooooooooooooo many clues. I have no clean pants left. My walls are so sticky you could climb them like you were Spiderman. Then David Krejci goes all Ian Zierling.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Muffler fell off my car on my way to make out with watch the game with Robb. Ruined our man date. JON SMASH.

– Joe Thornton didn’t score four goals. It’s not that we wanted the Bruins to get embarrassed or anything. We always want Joe to score four goals to see if he makes good on his promise of whipping out his dick and waving it in the air like a churro. Someday. Someday.

– We will forever fail to understand why Boston fans boo Joe Thornton. He didn’t demand a trade. It’s not his fault the Bruins got such an awful return. Joe Thornton is an awesome hockey player.

– Apparently Nathan Horton’s back injury could end his career. Yikes. If that’s the case, thanks for all those overtime goals in 2011 buddy and thanks for contributing that much to ending the drought. More importantly, though, we hope that you are still healthy enough to lead a normal life with your family. Get well Nate!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmOD8e2VMtU]

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGes7FDmHAM]

– Bruins leaving Logan Couture completely unmolested in front of Rask on the Sharks first goal. Gross. But as Fluto points out:

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– NESN trying to ignore the game as much as possible to give themselves the world’s sloppiest blowjob.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Luckily Pete Blackburn was able to fix NESN’s banner.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Hertl confusing David Krejci for a horsey in the second.

– Not a great game for Matt “FROM PITTSBURGH” Bartkowski. Thought he was playing for the Sharks for awhile there in the second period.

– This girl for giving actual real, intelligent and knowledgeable female hockey fans a bad name. Seriously. A female fan could jump on the ice and score on Rask but then people would be like “you see that dumb girl in the puck slut shirt? That’s female fans for you!” She’s in the minority. Trust us. Female hockey fans are 99% fantastic.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Silly, silly defense on the Sharks second goal. Marleau is a beast. A BEAST. But that doesn’t mean you just let Couture stroll in and chase Marleau so Couture and his sweet hands could score an easy goal. Seriously though. Marleau and Couture are way too good.

– NESN constantly reminding us Couture was available when the Bruins picked Zach Hamill.

– 37 seconds after the Bruins let Couture stroll in easy, Pavelski notices Joe Thornton and his goal sniffing dong are set up for another easy goal and just like that the B’s are down 3-2. The Bruins defense giveth and the Bruins defense taketh away.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– This. A million times this.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Bruins killing their own momentum yet again. They’re having a great second period, making things happen… then they remind us how awful they are along the boards this year, lose battles they should win and before they knew it the Sharks were in the lead.

– It pains us SO much to say this but Bergeron wasn’t very good tonight. At all. We still refuse to admit he’s human though.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– What? We have no idea how to feel about this.

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

– Great win against a great team. B’s finally trending in the right direction?

– Did Jon purposely not mention Lucic’s three assist night JUST to see people cry in the comments?

– Seriously, he’s not going to talk about it just because you people whine?

– The answer is a definitive yes. He LOVES your tears.

– Does Jon care if you threaten to stop reading DOY? Or if you actually do because you can’t handle Lucic jokes?

– Nope

Sharknado 3: Bear Rebellion. BRUINS WIN!

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