ORACLE ARENA, OAKLAND, CA — Putting Stephen Curry‘s extraordinary “David-versus-Goliath” box-out of Dwight Howard in Game 3 of the 2015 Western Conference Finals to shame, Guillermo Rodriguez used his small pudgy frame to wedge through media scrums and crash the NBA Finals’ Media Day yesterday at Oracle Arena, striking early and often.
In case you’ve never heard of him:
“Guillermo’s broken English (characterized most clearly with his constant pronunciation of the show’s host as “Yim-ee”) coupled with his affable likability and Teddy Bear-like quality have earned him as high a profile as any supporting personality on the show.” — Wikipedia
Utilizing a basketball to push through bodies to get as close as possible next to each player at the four podia set up at each corner of the court, Rodriguez went to work. The first victim was Draymond Green, perhaps just one or two questions in.
Upon wiggling his way by the Bay Area News Group’s Marcus Thompson, with the basketball lifted up near his head, the 5’5″ Rodriguez looked up towards the foot-taller Green, and asked, “Hey, Mr. Green, are you excited for the new movie Star War [sic]?”
Everyone within about forty feet could hear the crystal-clear audio blaring through the speakers Oracle Arena workers had just installed by Green’s podium.
“The movie Star Wars?” Green said, looking curiously at the basketball that had just invaded his space. “Why you got the ball in my face?”
“This is the mic,” Rodriguez replied, pointing to the basketball that was now at Green’s chest level. “Speak in to the mic.”
Green nudged the ball away, then found himself holding it with both hands and put it on the podium.
“Hey, can you sign my net?” asked Rodriguez, handing Green a basketball net and a Sharpie.
“I can’t sign the net, dude,” answered Green, realizing that it would be physically impossible to sign his name on pieces of thin rope knotted together.
“Here, sign it right here. I’ll hold it for you,” replied the persistent Rodriguez.
“Are you serious or is this a spoof?”
Right about then, Green caught a glance of Rodriguez’s credential hanging from his neck.
“Jimmy Kimmel. This a spoof. I knew it.”
Rodriguez kept going, insisting that Green sign the net.
“You about to get me on Jimmy Kimmel’s show?”
“Okay, if you don’t wanna do this, can I FatBooth your face?”
“Huh?”
“Can I FatBoot [sic] your face?”
“What is that?”
“I show you, look. You never been fat in your life?”
Rodriguez took out his cellphone and launched the FatBooth app, which allows users to take selfies, then changes the photo to make the person who took the selfie, fatter.
“No, I used to be fat. I don’t want you to FatBooth my face,” said Green, who has worked hard during his college NBA careers to bring his weight down. “No, I used to be really big. Just go Google the pictures.”
“When? Let me take your picture,” said Rodriguez, raising his phone.
“No, no, no, no, no, no,” said Green, fending Rodriguez’s phone down.
“When were you fat?”
“Just go Google,” said a slightly impatient Green.
“I used to be fat all the time,” said Rodriguez.
“Yeah, really plump,” replied Green, effectively being both self-effacing and effacing at the same time as both parties started to talk over each other a little.
“When I was little, I always been fat. I’m still fat,” laughed Rodriguez, which broke the tension.
“It’s cool, though,” Green smiled back.
After one more failed attempt at a picture, Rodriguez relented and asked, “Can I give you a hug for good luck?”
“My man,” said Green, patting Rodriguez on the shoulder.
Rodriguez reached in for a hug at Green’s armpit level, but Green didn’t hug back.
“Ah, hundred grand. My man,” Green said and gave Rodriguez his basketball back.
No word on whether or not Rodriguez invaded the spaces of the other Warriors at their podia, such as Harrison Barnes, Andrew Bogut, or Andre Iguodala.
Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson were in the press conference room and were spared the infiltrations.
Later, Rodriguez was unsuccessful with the Cleveland Cavaliers‘ Iman Shumpert…
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…but somehow got JR Smith to not only autograph that net, but also take a FatBooth.
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LeBron James also had his media availability in the press conference room, but was not spared Rodriguez’s blitz attempts:
[facebook url=”https://www.facebook.com/LetsGoWarriors/videos/700289956749546" data-width="466"><div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><a href="https:/” /]Barking out commands from a headset was, according to Bay Area News Group‘s Diamond Leung, Brad Morrison.
Meet Brad. He controls Guillermo's every move. #Kimmel #Warriors #Cavs #NBAFinals #WarriorsGround pic.twitter.com/YFMQgL1qbi
— LetsGoWarriors (@LetsGoWarriors) June 3, 2015
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Here’s the full clip of the Green-Rodriguez exchange:
[facebook url=”https://www.facebook.com/LetsGoWarriors/videos/700231063422102" data-width="466"><div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><a href="https:/” /] Follow @poormanscommish(Photo: @letsgowarriors Instagram account via @poormanscommish)
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