It was a quiet week in the sports world. No suicides, no drunk-and-disorderlies, and no Philadelphia Flyers moving on to the next round in the Stanley Cup playoffs (It’s almost enough to make me believe in a benevolent God).
While I’m engaging in some very satisfying Schadenfreude at the expense of Flyers fans, how ‘bout we take a trip through the week that was? Things got off to an odd start when the Blackburn-Wigan soccer match was disrupted…by a chicken. It’s England; like you, I would have expected a drunk and naked supporter to be circumnavigating the pitch, but it really was a chicken. Evidently, one Blackburn supporter decided to protest his side’s absentee owners by draping a chicken in team colors and turning it loose. That Blackburn was struggling to avoid relegation no doubt only added to the frustration.
Who won? Who cares?? WE GOT CHICKEN!!
Turning a chicken loose on a soccer pitch may not be the classiest thing to do, but it’s a damned sight better than what…
Cole Hamels did. In a game against the Washington Nationals, the Phillies’ ace decided he’d teach Bryce Harper a lesson. Something about teaching a 19-year-old upstart where his place is, I suppose. While deliberately throwing at Harper was stupid enough, admitting it was even worse, and it landed Hamels a well-deserved five-game suspension.
Hamels evidently forgot the Prime Directive: even if you deliberately throw at someone’s head, at least feign innocence. Machismo will get you nowhere.
Don’t feel too bad for Harper; he went on to steal home later in the game. Living well really IS the best revenge, eh?
Speaking of youngsters acting up, it would be hard to top….
Patrick Kane. With his Chicago Blackhawks having been eliminated from the playoffs, Kane has evidently decided to allay his disappointment by drinking his way through Wisconsin. His sojourn has been so thoroughly dissolute that Deadspin is now promoting a Drunk Patrick Kane Photoshop contest. I’m just hoping that when Kane emerges from his drunken stupor he’ll be able to remember what he did. If he can’t, there will undoubtedly be ample photographic evidence of his debauchery.
Regardless of Kane’s attempt to drink his way through Packerland, he’s got nothing on….
Ryan Getzlaf. The Anaheim Ducks star, in Helsinki as part of the US team at the IIHF World Championship, evidently challenged a bar full of drunken Finns to a fight.
I’m not certain Getzlaf had ANY idea who he was challenging. Are you kidding me? If he had any sense of history, he’d understand just how long the Finns have kept the Russians and their army at bay. Finns are as tough as they come. Had Getzlaf known this, I suspect he might have rethought his strategy, which, like Kane’s, can be summed up in four words:
Play hard. Party harder.
I don’t know about you, but if we’re talking hockey players, I’m far more interested in the hockey than the player. That’s easy to do here in Portland, because of the….
Portland Winterhawks. What’s not to like about a team that always plays as if they have something to prove. Not so very long ago, the franchise was a mess. The Hawks suffered through a 21-game losing streak, fans stayed away in droves, and the WHL had to step in and find a new owner.
Sure, they extended Edmonton to seven games in the WHL finals before running out of gas, but no one in the Winterhawks organization should be hanging their heads. They played hard, and they gave Portland hockey fans much to be excited about it. The future looks bright, which isn’t something anyone would have said three years ago.
The Winterhawks are successful because they do things the right way. They play hard, they work hard to be part of the community, and the owner doesn’t treat the team like one of his many playthings, unlike….
Paul Allen. I understand that Allen isn’t renowned for his warmth and fuzziness, nor is he ever likely to be confused with Jerry Jones. Still, he owns what many Portlanders consider to be a local treasure. You’d think he’d be a bit more open with the fans who spend their hard-earned money buying tickets. Under Allen’s leadership, determining what the Blazers are doing almost requires a degree in Kremlinology. During the bad old days of the Soviet Union, divining who was in and who was out of favor in the Kremlin was challenging. It meant reading tea leaves and squeezing information from photographs, speeches, and rumors. These days, Allen seems to be as parsimonious with information and intent as the Politburo used to be.
Allen recently admitted interviewing a candidate for the team’s long-vacant GM position, saying that he’d like to have someone in place prior to the June 28th draft. I understand the privacy that personnel matters sometimes require, but Allen and his minions on the bridge of the Death Star seem to be disturbingly PR-deficient. Would it be too much to ask that fans be given even a bare minimum of information? They might appreciate having an idea of what they can look forward to.
Allen’s a smart businessman; he didn’t become a Microsoft gazillionaire by ignoring his customers. That’s why his apparent disdain for the Blazers’ season ticket holder base is so disconcerting. Allen seems to take season ticket holders for granted, as if he expects them to just shut up and write the check to renew their tickets. After 2012’s winter of discontent, many fans are seriously reconsidering their commitment…and who can blame them?
Blazers fans were treated to a season of mediocre and uninspired basketball. Lack of effort, disenchantment, immaturity, and infighting turned a season that began with so much hope into the NBA equivalent of the Bataan Death March. Losing Brandon Roy and Greg Oden were tough blows, but every NBA team deals with injuries. You dance with whom you have on hand, and this season the Blazers were a collection of malcontents and misfits.
Speaking of tough blows, y’all probably thought we were done with….
Greg Oden, right? We all know the legacy Oden left behind- biggest draft bust ever, three microfracture surgeries, and a ton of talent and potential that will never call the Rose Garden home.
The contrast between Oden’s sad departure and Brandon Roy’s retirement is as stark as it is instructive. Roy was friendly, outgoing, and Portland loved him. Oden was shy, reticent, and kept himself at arm’s length from the media and the community. Both saw their Blazers career end due to injury. Roy will have his day to be honored at the Rose Garden, and the crowd will shower him with adulation. Oden will get…crickets.
If you read the profile of Oden in Grantland, you understand that the kid (he’s only 24) has had a rough life. If he’d shared more of himself and made more of an effort to interact with fans and the media, perhaps he might have cut a more sympathetic figure. Perhaps he might have left Portland on better terms. As things stand now, Oden will forever be remembered as Sam Bowie’s doppelganger.
Paging Kevin Durant…
Oden could have been more outgoing and forthright with fans and the media. The Blazers could have taken a more active role in his rehab. Who knows what might have happened if he’d been provided with a veteran role model? Or if the Blazers didn’t have what’s widely believed to be the worst medical staff in the NBA. There are so many things that could, and probably should, have been done differently. That’s why the Blazers are such a mess. Until and unless the ownership and management changes, One Center Court will remain the epicenter of mediocrity.
While fans are debating the merits of the free agents available this summer, they should be asking themselves a very simple question. WHY would an NBA free agent want to sign with a team with an inept front office, a barely competent medical staff, and a roster full of has-beens, never-will-bes, and whiners?
The good news is that the Blazers’ season is done. We can shift our focus to a team that actually inspires passion, even if the results thus far have been disappointing. Despite being firmly ensconced in the basement of MLS’ Western Conference, the….
Portland Timbers are a collection of likable players who generally give full effort on the pitch. Consistency remains an issue. It’s frustrating to watch them beat the best team in MLS (Kansas City) one week and lose to one of the worst (Montreal) the next. We should keep in mind that the Timbers are in the midst of their sophomore MLS campaign. Expansion teams rarely dominate in their first few years. The Timbers are a more talented team this year, but the same could be said for most MLS teams. It may take a few years before the Timbers can be counted among the league’s elite, but that’s to be expected. The good news is that Gavin Wilkinson and John Spencer appear to have the Timbers heading in the right direction. Patience will need to be the order of the day for the foreseeable future- though I doubt the Timbers Army will be on board with that….
Wins may be hard to come by this season, but for my money, a Timbers ticket is a far better value than a ticket to a Blazers game. As long as Paul Allen continues to own the Blazers, that seems unlikely to change.
That’s it for this week, but be sure to tune in next week, when I’ll be discussing the return of the USFL (really).
SAY HELLO TO YOUR PORTLAND BREAKERS!!!
Just when you thought the ‘80s were dead, eh?
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