A week that begins with something as dramatic as Manchester City’s last-minute miracle is off to a great start, especially if you hate Manchester United. City won its first English Premier League championship since 1968 by scoring in injury time to defeat Queens Park Rangers. In doing so, they wrested the EPL championship from the clutches of their cross-town rivals. That had to have appalled to ManU fans who’ve come to see it as their birthright.
Dramatic finishes aside, I think we sometimes forget that the sports world is composed of children’s games taken to the nth degree. Spoiled fans like ManU followers are one thing, but too often that passion can take a turn for the truly disturbing. This past week, former Blazer….
Steve Blake was the target of irate Lakers fans, who inundated the Twitter feeds of Blake and his wife with hateful messages and death threats. Blake may have been the hero of the Lakers’ first-round victory over the Denver Nuggets, but that was SO last week. He missed what would have been a game-winning three-point shot at the end of Game One against Oklahoma City, and was held personally responsible by Lakers fans for their defeat. Judging by the vitriol and anger, you might have suspected Blake was responsible for McDonald’s discontinuing the McRib sandwich.
For his part, Blake was sanguine about the threats at him, but far less so about those directed at his family. Who can blame him? There’s simply no reason the result of a game should be grounds for death threats.
The vast majority of fans are decent sorts who recognize the place of sports in our lives. It’s the unfortunate and addled few that confuse sports for life and ruin what should be a joyful and entertaining experience.
And then sometimes we’re forced to rely on children to remind us that games aren’t synonymous with life.
Patrick Gonzalez, a 12-year-old San Antonio Spurs fan, shaved his head to resemble the face of Spur Matt Bonner. Bonner is Gonzalez’ favorite player, and both are redheads. Unfortunately, his passion was neither shared nor appreciated by the principle of his middle school, who suspended Gonzalez for a day. Evidently the $75 haircut was a threat to good order and discipline.
I know; adults can be SUCH a drag….
The good news is that there was a positive outcome to this tale. After becoming aware of Gonzalez’ plight, the Spurs gave him tickets to Game Two of their series against the Los Angeles Clippers. Gonzalez was a happy witness to the Spurs’ 105-88 victory.
All’s well that ends well right? Well, unless you’re….
Brian Downing. There’s ignorant, there’s willfully stupid…and then there’s “placing his genitals on an LSU fan’s face.” While in New Orleans in January for the BCS Championship game against LSU, Downing achieved his 15 minutes of infamy in epic fashion.
Downing, an Alabama fan, came across an LSU fan that, according to the police report, appeared “to be heavily inebriated and pretty unconscious.” For reasons that defy understanding, Downing “teabagged” the inebriated and unconscious LSU fan. This being the Internet Age, the incident was recorded and the video immediately went viral. Downing (and his genitalia) became famous overnight.
Mama must be SO proud….
The local constabulary discovered Downing’s identity, and he’s was charged this week with sexual battery and obscenity. Evidently, being stupid isn’t a crime in Louisiana…or he’d be facing 15-to-life.
Downing’s attorney is trying to put a positive spin on things, stating that his client remains “fairly upbeat considering the situation.” Right…just because the guy embarrassed himself on YouTube, lost his job, and can’t find another one because of the charges pending against him…. Hey, Y SO SERIOUS???
Oh, and before I forget…. For those of y’all who’ve been on pins and needles regarding the fate of….
Women’s Professional Soccer, you need worry no longer. It’s dead. Most soccer fans never knew WPS existed. (Quick quiz: Name one of the franchises. Any one. Go ahead; I’ll wait. On second thought, forget it. We don’t have that much time.)
With all of the talent and personality in women’s soccer today, someone should have been able to find a way to make a women’s league work. Instead, WPS joins the growing pantheon of failed sports leagues (WFL? AFL? WLAF? ABA? WBL?), including the….
United States Football League. The USFL, that product of ‘80s hubris, had a realistic shot at success until Donald Trump’s ego got in the way of the league’s business model. If the USFL had remained a spring/summer league, it might be alive today. Be careful what you ask for; the USFL plans to rise from the dead in 2013. History being the best teacher, those behind the USFL’s reincarnation have promised that theirs will be a developmental league which won’t attempt to compete with the NFL. Been there, done that, eh?
The USFL is planning to put franchises in cities without NFL and Major League Baseball teams. Portland has been mentioned as a possible site for a franchise, and why not? Marcus Dupree won’t be coming out of the Jeld-Wen Field (or wherever they play) locker room, but minor league football might just be the ticket. Portland is incapable of gathering the political will and wherewithal to build an NFL-caliber stadium and land a team. Why not a team of players who are hungry to make it to the next level…or trying to get back to the NFL?
I wonder if Dick Coury could be convinced to come out of retirement?
Portland’s USFL history isn’t pretty. The Boston/New Orleans/Portland Breakers were a train wreck looking for a place to happen. After one season in Puddletown (1985), the team disbanded, leaving fans to wonder if Portland would ever have another shot at a professional football team.
IF the USFL can stay true to it’s alleged business plan, they have a legitimate shot at success. The same goes for a team in Portland, who hopefully will take a few lessons from the Timbers on how to build a viable and successful franchise.
Come to think of it, there’s another local team that could benefit from taking a good look at what the Timbers are doing. It should come as no surprise that I’m referring to the….
Portland Trail Blazers. Remember when the Blazers were loved by Portland? Remember when fans hung on the results of every game? Remember when the excitement was so intense and demand for tickets so great that the team sold tickets to watch games at the old Paramount Theater in downtown Portland?
Granted, the Blazers played in a barn that seated only 12,000+ fans, but fans PAID MONEY to watch home games on a movie screen. Players were revered and respected; they were part of the community and they acted as if they understood how fortunate they were to be NBA players.
That was then. Now players seem so far removed from the community that it’s become difficult to relate to them. We understand that “Portland” in NBA-speak translates to “a Siberia-like outpost where careers go to die.” Those of us who love Portland don’t think it’s too much to expect Blazers players to recognize that the fans are the reason they’re overpaid to play a kid’s game.
The problem can’t be laid solely at the feet of the players. Paul Allen and his management team have a well-deserved reputation for turning the Blazers into the NBA’s “Death Star.” Palace intrigue, firing two GMs in less than a year, and a medical staff considered one of the worst in the league doesn’t exactly lay the groundwork for success.
Until and unless Allen sells the team, the Blazers will continue to define mediocrity. It’s going to take a new owner coming in, burning down the house, and rebuilding it from the ground up to set the Blazers on the road to a championship.
If the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different results, then the Blazers should be shopping for straitjackets.
While we’re on the subject of insanity, no review of the week that was would be complete without discussing the exploits of….
Stephen Strasburg. The Washington Nationals’ wunderkind pitcher, still trying to work his way back to form after Tommy John surgery, suffered a setback in his start against San Diego. Fortunately for Strasburg and the Nationals, his difficulties had nothing to do with his pitching arm. It had everything to do with what Manager Davey Johnson referred to as getting “hot stuff” applied to “the wrong place.” For those of you who need that translated, Strasburg somehow found himself, as near as anyone can tell, with IcyHot applied to his testicles.
DON’T try this at home, kids….
Some of y’all might think Strasburg’s dilemma represents a level of kinkiness that has no place in Major League Baseball…and I’m certainly not about to argue with you on that one. Some questions really are best left unasked….
No one knows exactly what happened to Strasburg and his “little friend,” but he lasted just four innings. After the game, Strasburg seemed a bit peeved (embarrassed?) that Johnson had broached the subject. His only comment was, “You know, I’m going to keep that in the clubhouse.”
Yeah, that’s probably a wise move, don’tchathink?
Investigating this story led me to information that could charitably be described as “not safe for work.” Or small children. Or impressionable teenage boys. Or anyone else. Really. Take my word for it.
I’m not certain what to make of Strasburg’s unfortunate dilemma, but I do know that I’ll never, EVER, be able to look at a jar of IcyHot in the same way again.
That’s all I’ve got, so it’s time to once again ride off into the sunset. Join me next time, when I’ll be discussing why the Los Angeles Kings, the #8 seed in the NHL’s Western Conference, will win the Stanley Cup…and why that’s a great thing for the NHL. Really.
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