Recently, my friends over at 11 Warriors published a post about their Buckeyes and their forthcoming matchup versus the Condoms of U$C. And quite frankly, I’m a little disturbed. Where is the cockiness my friends? Where is the bravado to just say… “FUCK U$C!”?
Normally I root for any team on Notre Dame’s schedule to win as many games as they can. However, when it comes to U$C and Michigan, I just don’t give a fuck and find myself wishing for tremendously bad things to happen to them. Sometimes I find a wandering gypsy and pay $8.oo for a curse to be unloaded on these two teams, and sometimes it works. (See Stanford and Appalachian State). Well I just so happened to find a gypsy outside of Hicksville, Ohio and I dropped $17.42 to ensure a victory for SweaterVest and company.
I might have wasted my money. I think the Bucks win and here’s why…
1 & 2) Taylor Mays, Brian Cushing, and Rey Mauluga. Yes. Mays, Cushing, and Maualuga are very big. And in fact, their defense looks to be one of the very best in the country. But, I think the Trojan D-Line might be a little overrated and that should be the key. The running game. Feed the rock to your boy Beanie and Saine and control the tempo of the game.
3) Those Running Backs. Hey. These guys aren’t Reggie Bush or even LenDale White. They’re good. But, they aren’t even close to the superstar tag team duo of Bush and White. The Trojan O-Line is going to be young and still mostly green for the season before the Buckeyes get into L.A. McNight may be the real deal, but he is not as fast as advertised. Illinois DB Vontae Davis tracked him down like an injured elk.
4) Pete Carroll & His Gigantic Big Game Gonads. WTF? “Pete’s the one coach that’s pretty hard to hate.” Not so fast my friend. He’s a cock smoker. Ask any Irish, Bruin, or decent human being, “Do you like Pete Carroll?” There response will always be, “I fucking hate him. He’s a poodle bitch.” He is, however, a great big game coach. I understand your fear and provide stats to back it up… In the last 5 seasons U$C has lost a total of 6 games. 4 of those 6 losses came to unranked teams. They only have 1 loss at home in the last 5 seasons to unranked and irish patsy, Stanford. So there is no doubt he will be ready for the Buckeyes because OSU will be a ranked, non-Pac-10 team , playing in the hellhole known as The Coliseum. Streaks are dying everywhere. Ask Navy.
5) Will Ferrell. I’ll one up ya. How about Snoop Dogg?
Just take a deep breath friends of the mighty poisonous nut. You are in great shape to make a statement early this year. My prediction: OSU 17 U$C 14. Should be a good game and I’ll be sure to watch all if I can make it without stabbing my eyeballs with a steak knife and stuffing my ears with silly putty.
If you really want to piss off the Condom faithful, wear these around L.A. and tell them you bought them from a Fighting Irish blog.