Once upon a time, nice things happened to the Bruins. They played good hockey and had good players and did good things. This is not that point in time. This is a point in time where the Bruins are struggling to get goals and make smart plays on the ice. The Bruins lost tonight to the Florida Panthers. Let that just sink in for a little bit. Feel gross enough yet? Good, let’s move on.
This was just a pretty terrible game of hockey and it started from even before the puck dropped when it was announced that Reilly Smith was scratched and Ferlin was in. Now, scratching Smith was not necessarily a bad life choice, but putting Dan Paille in his place? Are you kidding me Claude? Not to mention that Mr. Julien played a game of musical players throughout the night and at various points both Pastrnak and Talbot occupied Smith’s regular spot. Ugh.
The Panthers got the first goal of the game tonight from a guy named Jimmy Hayes. I actually had to look up who that guy was because a) I don’t know every single hockey player out there and b) I could give less than two shits about Panthers players not named Roberto Luongo, Jaromir Jagr or Shawn Thornton and even then my interest is minimal at best. Anyway, Mr. Hayes scored and everything was bad.
This was yet another game in which the Bruins were having issues with finishing (phrasing?). Other than Patrice Bergeron, who is a God among mere mortals, they definitely rode the strugglebus throughout the game. Speaking of Patrice, he scored the Bruins only goal tonight while on the power play after Dave Bolland got his stick all up on Chris Kelly (again, phrasing?).
GIF: Some nice puck movement leads to a Patrice Bergeron PPG https://t.co/HmJfeIKUA6
— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) March 22, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsThat was actually a very nice power play for the Bruins, they had some fancy puck management and movement throughout and it paid off. Funny how that works, hey?
The third period was a bit faster and a wee bit more exciting as both teams realized that winning it in regulation would be probably the best life choice they could make, but their efforts weren’t rewarded and the game headed on to the dreaded overtime. David Pastrnak had a very nice chance in the third that didn’t end up in anything, but what was really interesting about it was that the Bruins somehow forgot to ice five whole players. We’ve seen the Bruins do the “too much man” thing many times, but “too few man?” That’s some straight up Edmonton Oilers shit right there.
GIF Pastrnak scoring chance, Bruins are super smart and only have 4 players on the ice the whole time https://t.co/VN28ZOacL4 — Steph (@myregularface) March 22, 2015
At the very end of the third, smart ass Brad Marchand decided to start a little scrap with Jonathan Huberdo Hoobadoo Huberdeau and he’s damn lucky that the Panthers didn’t get to start overtime on the power play. //platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Overtime was more of the same. Lots of shots and for some reason a lot of offside calls made. The Bruins got damn lucky on a few of those calls too as one in particular could very well have ended the game and not in their favor. This was pretty funny though:
who is that sliding to get onsides? lol pic.twitter.com/f2Gnbz1bjg
— Steph (@myregularface) March 22, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js In the shootout, Brandon Pirri scored the only goal and that left the Bruins with only one point for their efforts. I am really running out of words to describe this shitfest so let’s move on to some positives, negatives and what-have-you, shall we?
-Pastrnak was pretty good tonight, as per usual. Spooner as well. I supermegaenjoy those guys and am fearing what will happen when Krejci comes back because I know it’s going to be stupid and I’m going to want to claw my eyes out.
-All hail Tuukka Rask. Seriously. Tonight was yet another night where he made amazing saves and tried his hardest to keep the rest of the team in this game but this fucking save you guys. THIS SAVE:
GIF: Holy crap, Tuukka Rask pic.twitter.com/eYU6zhlIJM — Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) March 22, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsI would marry that save and have babies with it. Sploosh? SPLOOSH.
-Dennis Seidenberg was a raging dumpster fire tonight. For an example, please view the following penalty:
here is a GIF of that goalie interference penalty pic.twitter.com/c3FGDXqqpM — Steph (@myregularface) March 21, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsNow, I can take one mistake. I get it. Shit happens. Tonight though, Seidenberg was just a big old pile of hot mess garbage shoved into a bus full of vomit on it’s way off the nearest cliff. Guaranteed I will have nightmares about his horrific play flashing through my head tonight when I lay my head down on my pillow and try to forget that this game happened. 
(You’re welcome)
-Dougie Hamilton is potentially injured. No more details have been released but he left the game early and didn’t come back. This is not good news.
GIF: Here’s where Dougie Hamilton got banged up pic.twitter.com/ziaMdb7U72 — Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) March 22, 2015
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Does this mean a call up? While it’s not ideal and I certainly wish nothing but good things for Dougie-Doug Hamms, I hope that if there is a call up it comes in the form of Joe Morrow.
-Early in the first period, Alex Petrovic straight up abused a child when he slashed David Pastrnak’s hand/stick. It didn’t take Pastrnak out of the game or anything which was good because then I would have to then hunt Petrovic down and deliver a straight up throat punch. Don’t mess with that precious angel child.
-Did Smith learn anything by being a health scratch? Was he sitting up there watching these gentlemen fail? Did that impact him at all? How much popcorn did he consume?
-Where do they go from here? Up next is Tampa Bay. Do they even stand a chance?
-Wat.
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