Surrounded by Rich, Fat, White People

This week has been pretty slow on the Minnesota sports scene, other than the fact that the Twins won the freakin’ division on the last day of the season. After the Twins picked up the win at home against the White Sox, the next half hour of television was the most riveting seen in a while. It took me away from football. Nothing takes me away from football! And what was I watching? Professional baseball players watching a baseball game! Brilliant!

A couple other thoughts on the Twins winning the division and the playoffs, (of which Steve has a preview of the first round at IIS). First, how many people thought it would come down to the Royals sweeping a team on the road? That’s a bad omen for the Tigers. Of course, now the Twins need to worry about things like “experience” and “starting pitching depth” when they get to the Dome tomorrow. Thankfully, they have something called “momentum” in their back pocket.
In lieu of a long diatribe on the playoffs, here’s my attempt of picking the opening series. Twins over A’s in 4, Yankees over Detroit in 4, Cardinals over Padres in 5, Mets over Dodgers in 5.

Now that I have that out of the system, here’s a look at the week that was.

ITEM ONE: St. Paul was named the host of the Republican National Convention in 2008 and I sincerely do not see what the big deal is. In the past 100 years, there have only been eleven Republican presidents. Right now, there are 246 Democratic congressmen while there are only 55 Republican senators. Seriously, I think Minnesotans are making a way bigger deal out of this than necessary. (Really, congratulations Twin Cities, we’re stuck with even more rich, fat, white people for two weeks. Nevertheless, it’s an honor)

ITEM TWO: The Boilermakers looked good against Notre Dame this weekend. Not because of the football. Heavens no. They finally rid themselves of the gold pants that made them look like pretty pretty fairy princesses. So that’s good. Now if they could look like a football team.

ITEM THREE: So, now that I work the 9-5 scene, I make up for my laze by walking the dog after work. I listen to the radio (the local hip hop station, because there’s a lot of rich, fat, white people around here and I want to fit in less) and there were a couple songs that caught my eye. Or ear, I guess. I’m still getting a feel for my body. Anyways, the first was “London Bridge” by Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, whom I think is the worst musical outfit this side of my 4th grade class and their rendition of “Gloria” in the Christmas play. The only difference? The 4th graders weren’t nearly as asinine. But now, after performing solo, Fergie has shown me that she was the cinder block dragging the informant that was the Black Eyed Peas to the bottom of the sea. At least the B.E.P. had some decent musical talents and tried (and failed) to make cogent statements. Then Fergie signed up and they released songs like “My Humps” which were about as bad as anything I had ever heard, but they still sort of made sense. Now that Fergie is on her own, it’s a train wreck. I give it six months before she just releases a soundtrack of her inevitable sex tape.
The second was a song called “Go to Church” which sounded as though it was Ice Cube’s baby. All the cussing and “I hate people” attitude you would expect from Cube. Despite his noxious attitude, Mr. Cube is a brilliant man who is notorious for making statements in his songs, although they are usually unprintable, and has demonstrated an inventiveness throughout his career, which no spans into popular comedies. In short, the world is lucky that such an angry, violent yet creative man merely went into entertainment.
Then he made this. His angry chorus gives way to Snoop Dogg, the least intimidating rapper out there right now, this side of Stagga Lee. As Dave Chappelle might say, Snoop has smoked himself retarded. Also, Ice Cube laments the fact that there are many rappers out there “just makin’ noise” and in the background of this entire song on the echoes is the loudest noise maker of them all, L’il John. Overall, it’s not a terrible song, but it has glaring hypocrisies that I don’t expect from Ice Cube. But hey, I guess there is a possible hilarious upside. Maybe the pope will want to meet Snoop.

ITEM FOUR: The NHL season starts on Thursday. Wedged in between two Twins playoff games. and then football on the weekend. October is phenomenal. And of course, I will repeat my theme from last Halloween. I’m going to drink.

ITEM FIVE: There has been a lot of press on Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens, and the incident for which he was hospitalized. The thing that intrigues me the most is the difference in opinions over what happened, whether it was an accidental overdose, as Bill Simmons, ESPN’s Sports Guy thinks, or a legitimate suicide attempt, as is hypothesized at Deadspin. Owens definitely did have an overdose, be it intentional or unintentional, and what I’m surprised about is how little that has been addressed. Typically, responsible media gives advice on how to spot signs of an overdose, or treat depression, neither of which were addressed. And if Owens is depressed, and even if he isn’t, he is doing a disservice by dismissing the situation so glibly. The fact is, it sounds like Owens is, in fact, depressed, and it’s too bad that he can’t admit it. What a world of good that would do for the nation’s psyche, as it would demonstrate that it’s ok, and it’s good to seek help.

ITEM SIX: The previous statement was aided in large part to the fact that I have a psychiatrist as a mother, and not that I have gone soft.

That will wrap it up this week. I won’t be posting a ton this week, because, well, I may be busy with baseball. – Ryan

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