Sweet Christ, I hate Dick Vitale

I watched the Ohio State-North Carolina basketball game last night (like most of you), and I absolutely LOVED what I saw. The boys were INCREDIBLE. Outside shooting, inside power, hustle, defense, passing the ball quickly, etc, etc, etc. If only we were allowed to take three steps in the paint like ACC teams were, we would have won….but that’s another story.

The only part I HATED about the game was the incessant pounding of the “Greg Oden is God, or will be at a later date” theme by the aptly-named Dick Vitale. Dicky, we KNOW that Oden was an amazing high school athlete and has the potential to be an even better college player and someday an even better NBA player….but can we PLEASE save the constant prognostications until the kid has played at least ONE game in college??

– Did you really have to proclaim him as the best college player in three decades (and you did do that) before he’s even worn the uniform???
– Did you really have to compare him to some of the all-time greats (which you did do) before he’s made a single basket???
– Did you really have to put him on the NBA All-Star team (which you did do) before he’s even stepped on the court???

I know your job at ESPN is to cheerlead and come up with phrases (like “dipsy-dooooo, baby”) that I used to say to my daughter when she was an infant (but stopped when the diapers were retired, because it seemed too…….childish). But come ON, man…give it a rest until we at least see the kid play!!!!!

Honestly, Dick, your predictions and guarantees reminded me of one player. Granted, it’s from a different sport, but does the name Ron Powlus mean ANYTHING to you? After one half of quarterbacking (against Northwestern, by the way), there was a little over-zealous prognosticating going on about Powlus’ future, proclaiming him to be better than Joe Montana. These days, Powlus is now the guy who asks you if you want the hot wax with your car wash.

Calm down, Dickie. You ruined a great night of college basketball with your bullshit. All that excessive excitement and screaming is going to give you a stroke or something.

Wait a minute. On second thought……