Yes, there have been multiple parodies of the song “The 12 Days Of Christmas.”
Some good.
Some bad.
Almost all ugly.
The holiday season would not be complete, though, without hearing some adaptation of the song at least once. It constitutes a festive atmosphere, especially when family and friends gather, and calls for the best karaoke singers to take the stage and sing their hearts out.
All in all, the song evokes strong childhood memories of joy, laughter, food and good company that every December 25th brings with it.
All of the emotions I described above can be attributed to baseball, too. The game is nostalgic and evokes friendly memories of what made life great. There have been more songs written about baseball than any sport.
Why not link the Christmas holiday and baseball– the two that are linked by both music and memories?
Here is an imperfect attempt at another parody of the song “The 12 Days of Christmas.” This one involves the beloved Cleveland Indians and their elusive quest to win a World Series– their first title since 1948.
Grab an ugly sweater and eggnog and enjoy this written parody. If you have enough time to sing it, record it and send it to Joe Coblitz and he’ll post it.
On the first day of Christmas Paul Dolan gave to me…
A Terry Francona World Series team.
The Indians brought Francona to Cleveland to help reshape the culture both on the field and in the clubhouse. In just three seasons at the helm, the manager did his part in turning the Tribe back into a contending ballclub.
The Indians underwent a dramatic roster overhaul after hiring Francona, who has played a key role in convincing a number of players to sign with Cleveland. In his first season, the team won 92 games to match the largest one-year improvement in wins (24) in team history, excluding strike-shortened campaigns. The Indians also earned the AL’s top Wild Card seed, bringing a postseason game to Cleveland.
In 2014, Francona helped the Indians win 85 games and kept the club in the AL Wild Card race until the final two games of the season. It could be argued that Francona did a better job managing in 2014, considering the number of injuries and trades involving key players. Cleveland also relied heavily on a group of rookies down the stretch, but still managed to remain in contention through 160 games.
On the second day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
Corey Kluber‘s curveball.
Kluber doesn’t even identify the pitch as a curveball; he just thinks of it as a breaking ball. It definitely doesn’t move like an ordinary curveball — it has an extreme amount of horizontal break. He can pump his fastball into the mid-90s, and he has this particularly unusual breaking ball that caught everybody’s attention when he won the 2014 Cy Young Award.
How good is his curveball?
I looked at every starter’s curve and slider from between 2008-2014 with a minimum of 100 thrown. I was left with a sample of 740 breaking balls. Of those, 225 were within two miles per hour of Kluber’s 83.2 mph average. Of those, 35 were within two inches of Kluber’s vertical movement. Of those, three were within two inches of Kluber’s horizontal movement. So in conclusion, we have just three comparable pitches to Corey Kluber‘s breaking ball: Yu Darvish‘s slider, Jose Fernandez‘s breaking ball, and Marcus Stroman‘s curveball. Just missing the cut: Sonny Gray‘s curveball.
On the third day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
Michael Brantley healthy.
Brantley will start the season on the DL with a labrum tear in his right shoulder. The offense will not be the same without him, so it is vital that he recovers quickly. The need to acquire a “big bat” for the middle of the order lessens as the return date for Brantley comes near.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A healthy Cody Anderson.
Anderson underwent an emergency appendectomy Tuesday night after experiencing pain in his lower abdomen. The surgery was performed at the St. Joseph’s Westgate Medical Center in Glendale, Ariz.
Anderson, who went 7-3 with a 3.05 ERA last season, has been training for much of the off-season at the team’s spring training site in Goodyear, Ariz. He is expected to need the next two to four weeks to recover from the operation.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A middle of the order “big bat.”
On paper, the 2015 Indians look like a club that should’ve contended for a playoff spot more credibly than they actually did. The team finished eighth in the Majors with a collective 3.68 ERA on the strength of an impressive, team-controlled rotation and a bullpen filled with quality arms. On the offensive side of the spectrum, Cleveland’s hitters combined to hit .256/.325/.401, which translates to a wRC+ of 99. (That is to say, essentially, their hitters’ collective production was one percent below the league average.)
Given those figures and he fact that the team’s pending free agents are more role players than everyday contributors, there’s reason to believe that Antonetti, Chernoff and the rest of the front office don’t need a drastic overhaul to experience better results on the field next year.
However, a middle of the order hitter with decent productivity would be a nice addition.
On the sixth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A productive third baseman.
Indians third basemen last season combined to slash just .228/.273/.356. While players like Giovanny Urshela and Jose Ramirez graded out well defensively, neither provided much in the way of offense. Lonnie Chisenhall, long hoped to be the future at third base, now looks like more of an answer in right field due to the strong defensive contributions he turned in following the change. Chris Johnson has a good deal of experience at the hot corner, but had a questionable glove and was released earlier this week.
The free agent market still offers little in terms of certainty at third base, but Cleveland could make a run at David Freese to fill the need. A slightly above-average bat and slightly below-average glove, he’s not an exciting option but could solidify the position. His age, he’ll play next season at 33, figures to keep his price down, to some extent. Daniel Murphy could be another option, even though the longtime Mets infielder has spent far more time at second base than third base in his career.
On the seventh day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A settled outfield.
Michael Brantley will again man left field after he is healthy as one of baseball’s premier corner outfielders over the past two seasons. Right field figures to be manned primarily by Chisenhall, whose glove out there was highly impressive to Cleveland. Chisenhall posted unbelievable marks of +11 DRS and +9.3 UZR in just 354 innings in right, and while he’s not likely to maintain those rates and save somewhere in range of 35 to 40 runs next year, he’s probably earned a look in at least a platoon capacity.
The question, then, is center field. Abraham Almonte impressed in 51 games, hitting .261/.324/.455 with sound defense, but he’s never shown that level of production in the Majors until arriving in Cleveland. Almonte hit .233/.283/.336 in 364 plate appearances between the Mariners and Padres before joining Cleveland. He does bring a career .287/.369/.437 Triple-A batting line (999 PAs) to the table.
Nevertheless, banking on that productivity translating to the Majors in 2016 is a sizable risk for a team that will aim to contend and does have some financial flexibility. Given Almonte’s unproven nature, the Indians signed Rajia Davis to presumably platoon with Almonte.
A longer-term fix would be to pursue a trade of a controllable center fielder, and one name in which Cleveland expressed interest this summer is Marcell Ozuna. The Indians’ interest in Ozuna pre-dates their acquisition of Almonte and David, but Ozuna’s offensive upside is more significant than that of both. The 24-year-old Marlins outfielder batted .269/.317/.455 with 23 homers in 2014 but has fallen out of favor with owner Jeffrey Loria this year. Ozuna was demoted to Triple-A on the heels of a 1-for-36 slump and kept in the minors long enough to prompt accusations of service time manipulation from agent Scott Boras. While some may roll their eyes at such allegations due to the source of said complaint, it’s worth noting that Ozuna will narrowly fall shy of Super Two designation. (The question is not whether a demotion was warranted, but rather whether the length was necessary from a developmental standpoint or boiled down to financial manipulation). Ozuna hit well in Triple-A but upon returning to the Majors likened the demotion to a jail sentence. Reports since have indicated that Loria has soured on the talented Ozuna, who is controlled through the 2019 season.
Miami would most likely ask young pitching in return for Ozuna, and the Indians perhaps are better suited than any team in baseball to accommodate that desire.
On the eighth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
Southpaw depth in the bullpen.
Left-handed depth in the bullpen will need to be an area of focus, as Nick Hagadone underwent elbow surgery that will cost him six to nine months (making him a possible non-tender). Kyle Crockett and Giovanni Soto are internal options, but Crockett had a poor 2015 between Triple-A and the Majors, and Soto has averaged more than five walks per nine innings at Triple-A in two seasons. Cody Allen, Bryan Shaw and Zach McAllister will be the primary righties, and Jeff Manship’s surprisingly dominant season has earned him a look in 2016 as well.
The Indians recently signed a pair of lefties, Tom Gorzelanny, Joe Thatcher and Ross Detwiler to compete for a spot on the 25-man roster.
On the ninth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A productive bench.
An under-the-radar need for the club is to improve its bench. In recent seasons, the since-shed albatross contracts of Swisher and Bourn not only hampered payroll but took a pair of valuable roster spots that left bench options thin. Mike Aviles and Ryan Raburn left via free agency, so adding some younger, versatile bench pieces would be of benefit. Ramirez and his glove could have the inside track to one bench spot, and Almonte could become a fourth outfielder with Rajai Davis in center. Roberto Perez is one of the game’s better backup catchers, so that position isn’t an area of need.
On the tenth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A brand new scoreboard.
The new scoreboard is big, measuring 59 feet high by 221 feet wide. That’s 13,000 square feet of high-definition screen space. The project also includes new stat boards around the ballpark and a state-of-the-art sound system. Dismantling of the current scoreboard, installed in 2004, has already started. Installation will be complete in time for Opening Day on April 4. The new scoreboard coincides with the Phase 2 renovation currently underway at Progressive Field. Changes include a new club behind home plate as well as more concession stands featuring local restaurants in line with what was done in the Right Field District last off-season.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A seamless front office transition.
Just two days after the season ended, the Indians shifted their front office, promoting general manager Chris Antonetti to president of baseball operations, Mike Chernoff from assistant to GM and Derek Falvey to assistant GM. The moves came in the wake of president Mark Shapiro’s departure to take over in Toronto, and Antonetti said Cleveland’s new structure is similar to those already in place with the Red Sox and Cubs.
Antonetti will remain as the primary baseball decision-maker with Chernoff and Falvey taking on more responsibilities. Both have assisted Antonetti in recent years on contract negotiations, the makeup of Cleveland’s roster and other decisions.
Dolan will assume Shapiro’s duties on the business side.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Paul Dolan gave to me…
A full house at Progressive Field
This is not a “man behind the curtain” issue, as the Indians attendance issues are well documented among the local and national media. Of all the “days of Christmas” Paul Dolan wishes the 12th day the most. Although MLB teams bring in more money in revenue from national television agreements, I’m sure the Indians finances would benefit more fans in attendance for the 2016, especially if they field a good team.
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