The Celtics’ most important offseason move

This is not a post about Jeff Green. This is not a post about getting another big man (or four). And this is not a post suggesting we move Ray or Paul to the bench.

This is a post about our most pressing need, to solve a problem the Celtics have faced for years.

We need to stop playing "Welcome to the Jungle" at the Garden.

Now, I know what you're thinking. That riff is perfect. (It is.) The crowd loves it. (They do.) KG goes bonkers for it. (Sure does.)

But the fundamental problem with "Welcome to the Jungle" is that it's a song by a Los Angeles band, written about Los Angeles. (Wikipedia seems torn on that fact; some submissions at SongFacts and this entry at Shmoop hear the version that I've heard.) How did this slip through the Celtics' (or the Garden's) staff's fingers? Ever heard of the Lakers? We're not big fans of them.

You don't see the Red Sox playing Sinatra or Springsteen. The Patriots generally don't come onto the field to "Empire State of Mind." And the Bruins don't warm up to…whatever it is they listen to in Montreal.

So this has to stop. I don't even care what replaces it. We could transplant "Shipping Up to Boston," which makes appearances during Celtics games anyway. I always enjoy hearing the beginning to "Down with the Sickness" at Bruins games — it has a more direct correlation to something momentous starting. If you're really into the Boston connection, maybe look back in the archives for one of the least-terrible Aerosmith songs — who knows? 

I'd prefer the Celtics' choice to be original, though. "Bulls on Parade" could do the trick — though one of our competitors mascots is admittedly right there in the title. "Dragula?" Well-chosen selections of "Vicarious?"

There's no clear-cut selection, but we can do better than honoring the city of our most hated rival, even if it is the hometown of our two most important players. Let's hear your suggestions in the comments.