The Cocktail Chronicles is a feature that runs whenever our esteemed editor sits down with a tasty companion in a glass and takes another look at some old favorites.
It’s September 10, 1993 and I’m 8 years old in an empty Howard Johnson’s conference room with my father and uncle in front of a TV. My uncle, being a night manager there, used to get all the old boxing/wrestling shows, so that’s where many of my childhood fight memories reside.
This is one of those times. It’s also one of the first times I learned what a “fucking sham” was after it was delivered to my eight-year old ears while in said conference room. That fight was one of the earliest and most vivid fight memories, so I decided to delve back into it. I’ve watched the fight many times since then, but this time I’m going to jot down my thoughts as they happen and as my drink keeps refilling itself. Cheers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XBjpmo5GZc
0:00:00-0:01:00: YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE! /Musberger’d. Welcome to the AlamoDome in lovely San Antonio, Texas. We see Julio Cesar Chavez working into a lather before his walkout. We also see a young boy on the shoulders of another man. At first I thought it was JCCjr, but he would have had to be seven and a half at that time, and did you ride on some strange man’s shoulders in third grade? Not judging, just asking. Hey! A mariachi band! This first minute is packed with goodness!
0:01:00-0:03:51: A very generous reaction to JCC in San Antonio after a Spinal Tap-esque hallway journey. Coming into this fight, JCC is 87-0 and the WBC Light Welterweight Champion. Yes, that is Don King looking like the 4th Amigo at 3:03. Somewhere, JCC Jr. is having his his first “funny” strained apricot.
0:03:52-0:05:08: A harsh reaction for Pernell Whitaker immediately. Sweet Pea is 32-1 and the WBC Welterweight champion. He looks calm, cool, relaxed, and appears to have Black Walker, Texas Ranger behind him. What can stop Whitaker? Oh, you’ll find out what.
0:05:08-0:06:07: “Tale Of The Tape” is shown. Whitaker is 29, 5’5 1/2″, 145, 68 1/4″ reach, Chavez is 31, 5’7 1/2″, 142, 67 1/2″ reach. EVERYTHING ELSE IS VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL. /Goldberg’d. Our announcers (Steve Albert, Bobby Czyz, Ferdie Pacheco) tell us that Chavez is a 3:1 favorite. Really? Chavez fighting up a class against a 29-year old silky smooth defensive boxer? I don’t know about all that, seems strange….OR DOES IT?! No, no, it does. We are also told this is for the P4P title. That’s cool and all, but even though Heavyweight boxing is in a, shall we say, “down” period, we were 2/3 into Holyfield vs. Bowe, the second greatest Heavyweight boxing trilogy of all time. I’d think they’d have an argument.
0:06:08-0:08:24: A much fresher-faced Jimmy Lennon Jr. lays out the festivities. Weirdly, he sounds exactly the same as he does today. I shouldn’t be surprised, Michael Buffer has sounded the same since he started this game in 1918. Arturo Cargas sings the Mexican national anthem while JCC weirdly sidles up next to him. Listen, Julio, you’re in the main event of the boxing card of the year, we know you’re here. Your face-time will be plenty abundant. Also, I’m getting more and more sure that’s JCCjr on that mustachioed-man’s shoulders. Maybe that explains his drug use more than we know.
0:08:26-0:11:26: Listen, there was nobody I hated more when I was a kid than this dork, Michael Angelo. It seemed like this kid sang the national anthem for every major boxing card for roughly 48 years. It felt that way. Always this damned kid. It didn’t help that my father and uncle, whom would always show these fights, picked up on my hatred of him and did everything but place a cardboard cutout of Michael Angelo in the corner of the room for me to tackle and maul. Enablers, I tell you! I tried to search Michael Angelo for this piece, but couldn’t find anything about the kid. Hope he’s alright and didn’t get gunned down in a cartel drug deal gone bad.
0:11:26-0:12:18: Oh God, Michael Angelo totally did get gunned down in a cartel deal gone bad, didn’t he? DAMN YOU, CRIME SYNDICATES! Rest easy, Michael Angelo. May your awful voice bounce off enough obstacles that you can fly to the angels. Jimmy Lennon tells us that this fight has drawn 63,000, breaking the indoor record set fifteen years ago by Ali vs. Spinks. Well that’s encouraging.
0:12:18-0:13:22: Jimmy Lennon is giving credit to the WBC’s 30th-anniversary, so you know some foul shit is about to happen. Also, he credits the Texas Department of Regulation and Licensing. I’m not used to hearing this without Josh Barnett in the red corner.
0:13:24-0:16:04: Joe Cortez is our ref tonight. He gives the instructions, tells the fighters to shake hands, and HERE WE GO!!
0:16:04-0:19:08: ROUND ONE: Apparently there was a controversy about the judges and their origin. For the record, the judges are Jack Woodruff, Mickey Vann, and Franz Marti. Bobby Czyz is either punch-drunk, drunk-drunk, or practicing ventriloquism. Either way, it’s gonna be a long night. One of my favorite combat sports moments happens with 1:30 left. Fighter 1 hits Fighter 2 borderline low. Fighter 2 shakes it off or says it wasn’t low. Fighter 1 raises his glove to apologize, Fighter 2 accepts, fight goes on. Good show, men. Albert and Czyz keep talking about how emotional Chavez is, but he looks the opposite. Looks very controlled and smooth, as he should, being the older and more experienced fighter. 10-10.
0:19:08-0:23:30: ROUND TWO: Chavez now working inside, as he should’ve done earlier. Make no mistake, sluggers like Brandon Rios and Mike Alvarado have watched JCC tapes. Chavez wants to get inside as often as possible against a stick-and-move guy like Pernell. He should have done more of it last round, but he’s realizing it now. Now JCC is trying to out-jab Pernell. Not good, JCC. When he gets inside, he’s dominating Whitaker, but he doesn’t want to get in as much as he should. Fantastic round. 10-9 Chavez. 20-19 Chavez.
0:23:33-0:27:05: ROUND THREE: There are two things I hate about how MMA commentators refer to a fighter’s gear. First, it’s not “shorts”, it’s “trunks”. Shorts are what they wear underneath their gear. Shorts are what basketball players wear. Fighters wear trunks. Also, look at JCC and Pernell here. At ringside, they would say Pernell is wearing “red and blue shorts”. Ack. Awful. Pernell Whitaker is wearing blue trunks with red trim. Alright, I’m ok now. Let’s watch the fight. Pernell’s right-handed double-jab is making me very, very happy. It’s gorgeous, it’s keep Chavez back, and when the time was right, he used it to set up a left-right-left combo. That double-jab is a thing of beauty. POPPOP…POPPOP…POPPOP… 10-9 Whitaker, 29-29.
0:28:06-0:31:17: ROUND FOUR: Pernell and Joe Cortez are now enemies, as Pernell is doing everything he can to tell Joe that Julio is swinging low and often. Pernell even put his hands on Joe’s shoulders to try and level with him. 10-10. 39-39.
0:31:46-0:35:30: ROUND FIVE: “Your jab is the one that’s gonna keep it in check” says Whitaker’s corner and he’s damned right. Pernell’s double-jab is his best weapon in this fight and Sweet Pea needs to get back to it. JCC comes out blasting! We’re now told that Chavez was concerned about the judges coming into the fight. One is from Texas, one is from Switzerland, and one is from England, “and in England they love this kind of boxing!” says (I wanna say) Pacheco. “They are waiting for Chavez to start pouring it on!” Welp, I hope you have a decent seat cushion. 10-9 Whitaker. 49-48 Whitaker.
0:36:00-0:40:06: ROUND SIX: Whitaker squats low and that elicits a minutes-long talk about an ass punch from three commentators. We are through the looking-glass here people. All we need is Mike Goldberg talking about Corn Nuts. “There is a rule we have in the gym; if a fighter hits you low more than once, you better give him two back!” Okey doke, Bobby. In my gym, I have a rule. If you sweat on the elliptical, please wipe it down. I feel you, brah. AND PERNELL TO THE BALLBAG! They get back into it AND ANOTHER SHOT TO THE DI…but nobody except the announce crew seems to see it. Not Cortez, Whitaker, or Chavez, but apparently three drunks in the nosebleeds saw a groin shot. Very well, we continue. 10-10. 59-58 Whitaker.
0:40:07-0:44:08: ROUND SEVEN: “A low-blow extravaganza by Whitaker and a hit after the bell!” Oh, fuck you, Albert. Both of those were incidental, one was horseshit, and the bell rang in the middle of a combo, you fucking shill. What an asshole. “Joe Cortez is losing control of this!” after a 3-2-3 combo from both. Seriously, I’d kill my grandparents for Gus Johnson at this point, this is awful. Now they’re talking about the “abormally large cranium” of JCC. Oh my God. (shot to the abs) “Another low blow!”. Holy shit, I’m losing my mind. If Pernell lands a hook to the temple, Czyz is going to call it a low blow. Pacheco is saying Chavez is building a case for a DQ via low blows and I’m now throwing my valuables through the thinnest windows I can find. 10-9 Whitaker. 69-67 Whitaker.
0:44:08-0:48:14: ROUND EIGHT: I just scratched my dog’s head. I lost a point via low-blow thanks to Bobby Czyz. “I’ve never seen him on the stool that long!”. As you can see, they’re reaching, but it’ll come in handy when Pernell comes into the booth and starts headbutting them in the taint, as that seems to be their concern. Pernell is now outboxing Julio in close. Pernell walks back and JCC is peppering him from distance, surprisingly. Now Chavez’s luck is running out in close and Whitaker is landing early and often close. Body, head, combos, everything. 10-9 Whitaker. 79-76 Whitaker.
0:48:15-0:52:20: ROUND NINE: “Now you’re making a stand!” Can Pernell’s corner help me out when I’m grading a single-lightbulb Russian MMA card? The booth is making it very, VERY clear that Pernell is in charge late. Almost “too” enthusiastic about how well Whitaker is doing late. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, IT’S “SWEET PEA”, NOT “PEE WEE”, YOU CLOWNS! 10-9 Whitaker, 89-85 Whitaker.
0:52:50-0:56:16: ROUND TEN: Julio’s corner says Pernell “shot his boat” in those rounds. I’m not sure if I hope there is a problem in translation or I hope there isn’t. Joe Cortez is quick to get in there every time Chavez gets in trouble, per usual. Next time I watch this fight, which will be about the 33rd, I’ll get a “PeeWee” count. Closest without going over wins an Undercard Superstar T-shirt, and hell yes they’re being made. Czyz brings up a question about the Vegas odds of a draw. NO REASON WHY, BRO, JUST ASKING!! NOT THAT THIS FIGHT WILL END IN A DRAW OR WHATEVER! NOTHING WEIRD HERE! 10-10. 99-95 Whitaker.
0:56:20-1:00:08: ROUND ELEVEN: “Little low blow there, but not too hard…” Jesus Christ, Albert, is Chavez your wife’s surrogate?! Enough with that shit! Chavez’s waistband is the size of a Tanzanian village, not every shot to his waist is a low blow! “Another low blow”…according to Showtime, Pernell Whitaker has thrown roughy 837 low-blows, yet Julio Cesar Chavez, in his unfailing masculinity in a World Title Fight, has reacted to precisely one. Barely. IT’S BEDLAM IN THIS FIGHT! Ok, seriously. This just happened. Pacheco interjected and said that a draw in Vegas is now 20:1. I have this paused. There’s 1:32 left in the eleventh round. Most everybody has Whitaker ahead on their scorecards. I’m a 10-10 junkie and am being very liberal towards JCC and I still have it 99-95 Whitaker. Why the hell would a ringside commentater, with a round and a half left on a seeming blowout interject about the odds of a draw?? 10-9 Whitaker 109-104 Whitaker.
1:00:36-1:04:25: ROUND TWELVE: “It appears as though Julio Cesar Chavez needs a miracle here!” “I don’t think he can justify winning this fight.” Many references to the Chavez-Meldrick Taylor fight where JCC took down Meldrick in the dying seconds of a fight that Meldrick was winning. All the announcers are saying that Chavez needs the knockout to win. They’re all saying that Whitaker is the first man to defeat JCC. 10-9 Chavez. 118-114 Whitaker.
1:05:00-1:06:46: Czyz: “I just read Sweet Pea’s lips and he said ‘they didn’t rob me did they?’ Just for an instant there he looked very disturbed” Albert: “You never know, do you? You never know.” I’m not good at estimations, but there appears to be anywhere between thirteen and 385 people in the ring right now.
1:07:00-1:08:20: Good Lord, I’ve seen death row appeals that have been resolved quicker than this. Poor Jimmy Lennon Jr. has the honor of reading the scores. Jack Woodruff has it 115-113 Whitaker. Both Mickey Vann and Franz Marti have it 115-115 resulting in a Majority Draw.
1:08:22-1:09:00: If I could get a framed photograph of this moment, I’d pay four digits for it. This is the quintessential “WHAT THE FUCK?!” face and it is done for good reason. “He can’t believe it and frankly, I can’t either!” “I can’t believe it, but then again, I can”. Seriously solid moment from the booth. Their highlight of the night.
1:09:51-1:11:09: JCC isn’t satisfied with a draw, Pernell is a tough fighter, but it wasn’t one of JCC’s best nights, although he thought he won the fight. He said Pernell intentionally hit him with many low blows because Julio is a chicken shit pus…oh, sorry…that last translation was mine.
1:11:10-1:11:33: And of course there’s Don King, who looks like Billy Dee Williams in Undercover Brother talking about how Chavez had the edge. They both want a rematch because of course.
1:11:33-1:11:53: “Tell him about ring-generalship” “(talks for six seconds in Spanish)” (Don King interrupts) (woman looks terrified) (JCC is still stunned) “You wanna transla…for Don Ki..” (girls nervously laughs) (JCC starts rambling in Spanish). This was perhaps the greatest twenty seconds I’ve ever been privied to.
1:12:00-: Roughly 442 people left in the ring, Pernell’s locker room singing “Whoomp There it Is”, and Whitaker talking about a rematch that would never happen. Sad, but this is one of the defining moments of my childhood and I’m glad I got to re-live it with you monsters. ALL THE BEST! GOODNIGHT!
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