Hello Followers. Hope you had a great weekend.
As for me, well, as the above header and pictures indicate, today’s post focuses on the darker side of our most fashionable social media outlet: TWITTER.
So, if you want to check out my thoughts on Twitter as well as a certain, special female sports-anchor at ESPN, then read on.
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Followers, over the past week, I have to say that my pure zen mastery has been poisoned a bit by the sheer craziness of this nascent Twitter universe. I mean, it really didn’t take very long for me to move from just dabbling in Twitter (and Tweeting) to becoming completely engrossed by all the information at my disposal.
And so, as I spent my thirteenth consecutive hour just staring at my cell phone whilest disregarding the needs of all of my followers at the compound, I started to wonder, “Is this a good thing?”
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Those of you who are actually “Popular” (at least in the secular sense of the word!) know that there are several dangers that are inherent to any social media outlet.
The first of these dangers involves the tendency to focus so squarely on your own happenings that you begin to suffer from meglomania, whereby you begin to refer to yourself in the third person–or even better–start to use the word “WE” to describe pursuits which are entirely singular.
Of course, the second, related danger of Twitter becomes manifest when you find yourself becoming overly fixated with the importance of “size”–especially as it relates to the number of individuals who choose to follow you.
But for me, none of that really matters.
After all, because my role on this blog is to serve as Coug Nations’ Idiot Savant, it doesn’t matter to me that the Blog’s twitter account has nearly 900 followers and I have 10.
And the reason for this stance is simple: Because I am spiritually more in-tune with the Cosmos than most of you, I feel the power of “quality” much more than quantity.
For instance, I would rather make sweet, tender love with four or five beautiful women, then do a rush job with 20 or 30.
Which brings me to the crux of today’s post……..
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Followers, one of the pure joys of being affiliated with a blog such as this one involves coming in virtual contact with my followers. And so, when I decided to make the jump into Twitterdom, my choice of people to follow came largely from a list of those who decided to follow me first (through the WSU Football Blog)
So, with this method in mind, I quickly learned the first dark secret of Twitter:
THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN BEING A “FOLLOWER” AND A “STALKER!!!!!!”
And really, it didn’t take long for me to find myself transversing that fine line with incredible WSU Alumn, WSU Football Blog Follower, and ESPN sports anchor extra-ordinaire CINDY BRUNSON.
You see, there are many aspects of Cindy B that this Sutra has always admired. Of course, like many of the male gender, I have always found Cindy B to be quite attractive physically. But even more than that, I have found her personality and general sports acumen to be the chief among the most intoxicating features of her overall “aura.”
Of course, none of that prepared me for what happened the moment that I became a follower of hers on Twitter:
I INSTANTLY BECAME A CINDY B CYBER STALKER!!!!!!!
And the reason for my complete infatuation and lack of control with Cindy B has everything to do with the quality AND quantity of her tweeting–a feature which I have since come to know as “Sweet Tweetage.” And because Cindy B has so much “Sweet Tweetage” to draw from, my entire transum has become all a flutter morning, noon and night since I made the life-changing decision to follow her.
I mean, consider the following tweets as key examples of what is, undoubtedly, the “sweetest tweetage” on earth:
THE CINDY B “Twitter Teaser”
There are very few things in this world that get a man more excited that then idea of a woman singing love songs to herself when thinking about her man. And so, when I saw this, my “fire of desire” became nearly impossible to control:
The things we do for love? Cindy, might I suggest reading my best-selling book on “Tantric love making?” It shows the kind of thing that I will do!
AN INSIDER LOOK AT CINDY B
Part of what separates people from having a mild crush on someone to becoming a full blown psychotic STALKER rests on the ability of “the stalker” to move beyond an abstract, idyllic infatuation to actually creating the illusion that a day-to-day life might be possible with the person of interest. And so, when I saw this tweet…….
…I couldn’t help but imagine the possibilities of a real home life with Cindy B!!!!!
I mean, not only do I also love “All My Children”, I also love ALL my children. So, Cindy, if you think you might find a man with 124 offspring attractive, this life can be yours in a near instant every Friday night:
CINDY B-ISMS
Call this a corollary to the previous header, but whenever you can steal an inside glimpse into how somebody talks, you can really start to imagine how it is that they think and act. So, imagine my delight when I saw the following verbage used not one, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR FREAKING TIMES in one week!:
Yes, folks, anytime that someone uses “Wowzers” as a general exclamation, not to mention a pre-cursor to a re-Tweet, I become totally overwhelmed. I mean, I haven’t heard someone say “Wowzers” since I first took a Norwegian Hooker into the back seat of my Rolls Royce during the Summer of 1978!
CINDY B AS SUPER (LOVE) MACHINE.
Part of becoming an object of someone’s obsession is showing yourself to be on a level that no other person can quite obtain. And really, since I am known throughout Cougar Nation as a vastly superior lover/prognosticator, in order to reach a higher level than me, you really have to kick it up a few notches on the “Sweet Tweetage” scale.
And so, imagine my delight when I read the following tweet late last Sunday night:
Better “Shut it Down?” I mean, nothing could signal the existence of a “Cindy B-Nator” type persona than tweeting something as exhilirating as that!
Of course, this Sutra would really, really, REALLY like to be around when the Cindy B-Nator decides she wants to “Start It Up,” if you know what I mean…
And so, I say to you, Mrs. Cindy Brunson, count me as 1000% ready to begin a wonderful life together….
You need only to give me the “sign.”
And yes, I know you have a husband, Cindy.
But also think of it this way: I have several wives….so we’re even-steven there too, right?
Moreover, when you think about our geographic proximity–you are in Connectictut and I am in New York. I mean, we are JUST close enough, yet just far enought a part, to really make this thing work.
In the meantime, please know that I will continue to follow your humor, wit, personalilty, and grace on Twitter, Cindy B, with love and anticipation. And in so doing, will continue to delve DEEPLY into Twitter and its meddling Dark Side.
Until next time…. Go Cougs!
(You can follow the Coug-A-Sutra on twitter at www.twitter.com/cougsutra and Cindy Brunson on www.twitter.com/ESPNCindyB)
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