The Coyotes are hiring for the “Paw Patrol” which is an “enthusiastic, high energy team that entertains the crowd” at Coyotes games. They should not be confused with the actual Coyotes. If you would like to join the Paw Patrol, you had better have availability on evenings and weekends, and be pretty damned personable. The audition page has a brief application and a place to upload your resume, so this is a pretty big deal. Usually, Dave McBrayer would totally audition for something like this, but since he is currently doing 15-20 years for an attempted carjacking in Utah, I thought I might help you out with some good things to put on your resume.
– Previous work experience: Nursing home clown; Scottsdale K-9 Unit (also an Arizona paw patrol); Columbus Blue Jackets “Buzz Bunch”
– Skills/Abilities: The ability to perform in front of literally dozens of people, most of whom are just looking for air conditioning; A clean criminal record, so you can acquire a conceal and carry permit for a t-shirt cannon; jazz hands.
– Hobbies and interests: Hockey; Glee on Fox!; Annoying the piss out of people
Also the person with the Coyotes in charge of hiring, or enlisting, I suppose, the commandos that are part of the Paw Patrol is someone named Melanie Paramore. I bet if you say that you wouldn’t typically apply for enthusiastic sports affiliated troupes, but “you ARE the only exception” you will definitely get the job, because she will find your humor breathtakingly original. And also, the above picture is on the first page of image results for “Paw Patrol Coyotes”. So perhaps this whole post is in error.
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