The Josh Hamilton blame game

We don’t know everything about the Josh Hamilton situation, but we do know a lot (probably because the Angels leaked it). There is more than enough blame to go around. Fingers have been pointed in all directions by all manner of people. What nobody can truly determine is who exactly deserves the most blame. Fortunately, The Monkey is here to solve that problem by firing up a round of “The Josh Hamilton Blame Game!”

Host: Our first contestant hails from Jersey City and lists his current occupation as general manager of the Los Angeles Angels. Give a warm welcome to Jerry Dipoto!

Dipoto: Thanks for having, Chuck. I’m excited to be here. It’s a real treat.

Host: Our second contestant is famous baseball manager Mike Scioscia. Mike, it says here you love lasagna.

Scioscia: Huh huh, yeah, Chuck, I sure do.

Host: Terrific. Terrific. Our third contestant has been in the headlines lately for all the wrong reasons. John Carpino, come on out!

/crowd boos and hisses

Host: You’re very brave to join us, John. How ya holdin’ up?

Carpino: It defies logic that I’m being treated this way. All I want is some accountability in this game.

Dipoto: I agree, Chuck. I’m very disappointed that the audience has broken an important commitment to us by not applauding when instructed.

Host: OK, fellas. Take it easy. Let’s not go down that road already. We haven’t even finished introducing everyone yet. Speaking of which, our final contestant is a very special contestant. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to billionaire baseball franchise owner Arte Moreno!

Carpino: Hello, Chuck, thank you for having me.

Host: Oh, pardon me, John. I was actually talking to Arte.

Carpino: I know that, that’s why I said “thank you for having me.”

Host: I’m confused. I’m trying to talk to Arte, but you keep speaking instead and every time you talk for some reason Arte’s lips seem to be moving and his hand seems to be directly up your- You know what? Never mind. This is a family program, so let’s just move on. So, the way this game works is that I will ask each of you one question about your role in the Josh Hamilton saga. We’ll then evaluate your responses to determine who truly deserves the most blame for this debacle. Mike, let’s start with you. As the manager of the team, one of your chief responsibilities is to foster a harmonious clubhouse which means supporting your players in the face of adversity, so why is it you failed to come to Josh’s defense at all during all of this?

Scioscia: Turn the page.

Host: Um, I’m not sure what that has to do with the question, Mike. Do you need me to repeat it?

Scioscia: Turn the page.

Host: It’s a simple question, Mike. Do you think you should have had Hamilton’s back?

Scioscia: Turn the page.

Host: A “yes” or “no” would suffice.

Scioscia: Turn the page.

Host: Fair enough. Let’s turn the page and turn to Jerry Dipoto for the next question. Jerry, you are normally an incredibly positive person. You’ve literally been described as the real world incarnation of Chris Traeger. What happened to cause you to turn so dour and stern towards Hamilton? Is there more to the story here that we don’t know or are you simply following orders?

Dipoto: (grabbing his microphone, sweating profusely) PROTECT ME! I NEVER WANTED TO SIGN HIM! ARTE MADE ME DO IT! ARTE MADE ME SAY ALL THOSE INSENSITIVE THINGS! I’M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!

/three heavily armed masked men in black repel down from the ceiling and carry away a kicking and screaming Dipoto

Host: What is the meaning of all this? Mr. Moreno, what do you have to say for yourself? Your GM just levied some very serious accusations against you and I think it goes without saying that those gestapo-like men certainly seemed to be doing your bidding.

Carpino: Chuck, we’re not going to comment on any of that.

Host: No, enough from you. I want to hear from Mr. Moreno himself. He has been curiously quiet throughout the entirety of the Hamilton ordeal, even before the latest round of controversy. This is his franchise. The buck stops with him. If the Angels are going to demand accountability from Josh Hamilton, Arte Moreno needs to be just as accountable for the missteps of his club. Now, Mr. Moreno, I demand that you give us some sort of explanation for what appears to be an intentionally cultivated culture of callousness and general tone deafness to the situation the team finds itself in.

Moreno: /silenty stares at the host, squints his eyes

Host: Well, Mr. Moren- Auuggghh! My head. It- It- hurts so much. I-

//