The Junk #4

Originally posted on “Is It Sports?” by Ryan. This time Ryan talks about the NHL and the Fall 2005 TV lineup.

I got just a few things to discuss this month, but really, they are going to take some time. Go grab yourself a pita and a Sobe and buckle up.

– First of all, let me mention a plan Steve and I have been kicking around almost all baseball season. When all is said and done, we wanted to evaluate our performance at the end of the year. We never really hammered out a scoring plan, but I invented one. The provisional plan is 1 point for every position in the standings away from where we predicted them, like, for example, I predicted the White Sox to finish fourth, they finished first; that’s three points for me. Subtract one point for every correct playoff team, two for every correct team in the two championship series, five points for every correct World Series team, and ten for correctly picking the World Champion. So if this were for money, Steve would be pulling for the Cardinals, I for the Yankees, and Kevin for a quick end.

– No hockey preview. I know you are all terribly disappointed, but the thing is, I have absolutely no idea what will happen. The game has changed, there are many new faces in new places, and the drop off for certain players, like, for example, Joe Sakic, is unknown. For the time being, let me say a few things. Jarome Iginla is overrated. Brad Richards, Vincent Lecavalier, and Martin St. Louis are underrated. If you want to pick a winner, pick a team with a lot of guys who have been in the league for about 5 years and played in Europe last winter (hint, Tampa Bay to repeat). If you have a team with a lot of guys from the same country, I think that’s a huge bonus, and if you have a bunch of stalwarts who decided against going overseas last year, your team is going to be in trouble (St. Louis (the Blues, not Martin) is going to be putrid). I’ll watch the first Wild game and give you the lowdown on what I think of the new game.

– Now, for the teeth of this post. I need to tell people what I think about the new TV season, and since nobody will listen, I’ll just write about it. My first topic is in regards to a show that has been on the air for a while, and I may have mentioned before, then I’ll get into some of the new shows.

I have to mention CSI: Miami first. I commented on how terrible David Caruso is as an actor, with his peer through the sunglasses and his over dramatic double pauses, like so. “I think it’s time… for a turkey sandwich… with a pickle.” Well, they only had one, and this was at the beginning of the season premiere. Good news, right? Well, yes, I guess. The writers are beginning to understand that Caruso would be the worst actor in a third grade play, so they keep him in scenes as a major character, but his scenes are beginning to involve less Caruso dialogue and more special effects shots, like slo-mo and from the ground up. While this does mute Caruso, it takes away from, you know, the plot.

Which is fine for the writers, because they apparently totally forgot the plotlines they left hanging at the end of last season. They had Emily Proctor written out of the show. Her character had removed her name from a list of employees at the lab after a traumatic event (a police officer blowing his brains out after she wouldn’t go out with him), but then, first CSI on screen? Oh, you better believe it was Callie Duquesne (Proctor). Then there is the whole, entirely new lab that doesn’t even look like it makes sense. A few of the characters, namely Caruso’s character’s sister-in-law took off for Brazil, not to come back for a couple weeks or so at the end of last season. Now, at no point was there any reference to construction in last season’s finale, but the lab is suddenly built, while the sister in law is still gone, and Duquesne is still is a CSI. Shwa?

The only thing that makes sense that I can think of, is that the lab was built elsewhere, so there was no influence to the previous episodes, then, the last episode of last season was when they were moving out. Sure, Duquesne had just seen the gruesome suicide of a friend, but she had the wherewithal to transfer her time thingy from one lab to another. Plausible, right?

The things that bother me.

Ok, now for a little run down on the new shows that I have seen.
“How I Met Your Mother” (CBS) – I don’t know how it happened, but CBS is turning into a dynamic, well rounded network. They have the CSIs for dramas, and those are killing. They have NCIS and some other crime dramas that people that aren’t me like. They have the best late show, with Letterman, and now, somehow, they are developing unassuming comedies that I enjoy watching. I think their secret is dredging old actors up, or at least guys people my age recognize and putting them in decent shows. First example, is Charlie Sheen who is in Two and a Half Men, which is pretty good, but I don’t like admitting I like, then there is Yes, Dear, which is terribly embarrassing to watch, but it has Mike O’Malley (remember Nickelodeon Guts?) and that guy from Boston Commons (a very underrated show from about 8 or 9 years ago). Now, the new show capitalized on this principle, and his success in Harold and Kumar, and added Doogie Hauser (Neil Patrick Harris, if you are into real names) as a bit player. Outstanding choice, very good show. However, it will be cancelled, because the name is too long. That’s how things go.
“Out of Practice” (CBS) – Just awful.
“My Name is Earl” (NBC) – Pretty funny, from what I’ve seen, but I have the nagging suspicion that this show is going down the crapper pretty quick. A general rule of thumb is that shows who have a quirky main character are going to get the hook sooner rather than later. Talented writers, but a doomed project, I think. I would be mildly disappointed, but not surprised to see the show cancelled.
“Criminal Minds” (CBS) – I like this show, despite myself. It seems a little too overhyped, but I can see why they would want to overdo the advertising. It isn’t exactly a dynamic premise (FBI profilers) but it does have superb acting and good writing. I don’t know who Mandy Patinkin is, but he just sounds like a guy who has been in every fair to good cancelled sow of the past seven years. As an added bonus, in the series premiere, the lanky kid from Road Trip played a serial killer. I like this show.
“E-Ring” (NBC) – I like this type of show, the political thriller. I like that it deals with real places instead of Kerplakistan or other stupid made up places. Let’s make the rest of the world smarter and use real countries, am I right? Well, I like it except for the dialogue. “I’m the National Security Advisor. It’s my job to worry about the security of the nation.” Stupid stuff like that. What is this, Schoolhouse Rock?

I’ve run out of things to say. I’m sure I will be a wealth of entertainment when I post that hockey thing, as well as the baseball pool thingy. I’m pretty sure Kevin will lose. – Ryan