The problem with Lofa Tatupu

Hey Hawk,

Let’s just say – hypothetically speaking – that on some random weeknight, I just happened to be a little boozy and I got this random thought in my head that I just HAD to get off my chest. Would it be OK if I blogged about it?

Thanks, Buddy!

OK, if you’re a Seahawks fan, you probably love Lofa Tatupu (or at least appreciate the USC scum) for the way he plays the game. We Cougs, have grown to revere the under-sized, mile-a-minute head-knockers in the middle of a defense. (Take your pick: Childs, Gleason, Davis, et al…)

Lofa waltzed into the NFL with a nasty case of small-man’s disease and immediately started making plays. It takes a lot for a rookie middle linebacker to make the Pro Bowl – probably in part because not many teams turn that position over to a rookie – he did it and is now working on his third Pro Bowl in a row to start his career. Dude’s a flat-out stud.

So here’s the problem with Lofa Tatupu. Okay, hold on. There are actually two problems with him if you count the fact that every time I hear his name I think of Mrs. Smails in the shower…”Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?”

But the REAL problem with Lofa Tatupu is that he has no facial hair. Seriously, there are kids on Mini McBoob’s Tiny Mites team that look meaner than him. He needs some whiskers – and I mean more than just a 5 o’clock shadow.

With my superior graphic design skills I have taken it upon myself to offer up a few suggestions. Feel free to vote on your favorite and perhaps offer up some suggestions of your own.

Key
1: The JJ Putz

2: The Franco Harris

3: The Al Hrabosky

4: The Adam Morrison