On May 8th, 1998 John Rocker made his Major League debut for the Atlanta Braves. He pitched a scoreless ninth, walking one and striking out two.
This past Wednesday, Rocker made his debut on CBS reality juggernaut “Survivor”.
I wouldn’t call Rocker’s initial “Survivor” performance as flawless as his MLB debut, but at least the boy who cried intolerance didn’t immediately shoot himself in the foot.
THE GOOD
Rocker showed up in shape. And by “in shape”, I mean that dude looks and fills the part of challenge beast. Well, for now at least. It’s funny how “big trees fall hard” out there and often the biggest strongest guys, actually deteriorate the quickest. (See “Survivor: South Pacific” for further study)
THE BAD
Okay, basic principle. If you’re going to make up a fake last name for fear of being discovered as a former MLB reliever, don’t choose one that identically matches your first name and another reliever of the exact same era. That’s like Justin Timberlake going trying to go on Survivor under the radar, somebody asking him “So, hey Justin what’s your last name?” and him responding flatly with “Bieber”.
Also, Rocker, come on, big guy. Instead of capitalizing on the fact that Wes is just dying to fanboy all over you, you cook up another brilliant Rocker idea and decide that voting him out might be the play. Word to the wise, in the game of “Survivor”, anytime two players have any kind of commonality, that’s a very, very good thing.
WEEKLY SURVIVOR PRO TIP
When cornered to choose someone for a reward or a punishment such as exile, nullify the decision making process. My advice is tell everyone you’re going to hold a number behind your back, closest to the number either “wins” (gets picked for reward) or “loses” (gets banished to exile). Now it’s apparent you’re selecting someone based on “random chance” and not being partial. The beauty is you, in fact, have complete autonomy to angle the “hidden number” how you please, so, realistically you can choose whoever you want, but deflect the blame.
EARLY PICKS TO WIN
Josh – Well positioned in the social aspect of the game.
Jon – Seems personable and getting the sympathetic sick dad edit.
FINAL THOUGHTS
John Rocker’s “Zero Votes Albert” gameplay grade so far: B-
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