The Seattle Seahawks Take L.A. (In Surprisingly Not The Worst Award Shows I’ve Watched)

The ESPYs took place Wednesday night, and much to my delight, it wasn’t as awful as these award shows tend to be.  Drake only made me feel awkward a couple of times (wearing huaraches, unwanted scripted sexual advances, crappy song about Donald Sterling).  And there were actually some really wonderful moments, including Michael Sam receiving the Arthur Ashe award and Stuart Scott bringing the audience to tears discussing his seven-year battle with cancer.

The show was bookended by Seattle Seahawk wins, the first (and second) in franchise history.  Early in the evening, Richard Sherman took home the ESPY for “Best Breakthrough Athlete,” and his acceptance speech was mild and polite, which is probably why you didn’t hear anything about it.  The whole team went on to win “Best Team” at the end of the night, which felt insincere and rushed by the producers who obviously needed a drink, and/or were blinded by Walter Thurmond’s suit.  Way to embrace Jersey, Walter!  We’ll still miss you.

Perhaps one of the best scenes of the night came at this moment, when our very own Beast Mode sat, flanked by excited Russell Wilson and Dan Marino, uninterested, unimpressed and dressed true to his own style.  He didn’t even join the team at the end of the night upon winning their big award.  Perhaps he was too excited and went back to the hotel early to prepare for the Kids Choice Sports Awards and the greatest entrance before a public audience in the history of sports kind.  The man sat begrudgingly through the entirety of ESPN’s “we’re fancy but also trying to be cool” fest but thoroughly embraced the opportunity to stiff-arm his way into a giant vat of Seahawk-green slime.  Why?  Beast Mode loves the kids.  And maybe he hates Drake’s music.[1]

Speaking of sports awards shows that give out more actual awards than the ESPYs, Nickelodeon and its fans actually took care to recognize soccer (or football, whichever you prefer) beyond a few cuts of an exhausted Clint Dempsey and an after-thought award for perhaps one of the greatest U.S. Men’s National Team ever assembled in the history of the World Cup.  I’m sorry, but Kevin Durant deserves a Nobel Prize for his MVP speech, they could have at least given him that award.

But I digress.  Whatever late-night antics the Hawks may or may not have gotten into the night before didn’t stop them from having an absolute blast on Thursday.  Earl Thomas, who on an average day takes up roughly 50% of my Instagram feed, must have shared at least twice as many photos of him getting slimed at the Kids Choice awards than he did of himself wearing sunglasses inside at the ESPYs.

Russell, being the complete gentleman that he is, brought his college-bound sister to both events.  Having volunteered with kids on a regular basis, he was clearly more laid back (and still perfectly loquacious and kind – how boring).  He graciously accepted his award for “Best Newcomer,” err, even though it was his second season in the NFL.

The kid-centric network also took the time to honor the people that help make these awardees’ careers possible.  You know, the fans.  And you’ll all be thrilled to find out that the Seahawks’ fan base better known as the 12^th Man took home the “Smells like Team Spirit” award.  Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

Moral of the story: Nickelodeon is ‘bout that action, boss.  The ESPYs?  Not so much.  And season kickoff can’t come soon enough.