Usually when picking a team to cheer for in any sporting competition (assuming my team isn’t in it) I root for the team that doesn’t piss me off. Chicago and Philly both sort of do. So then I look at other teams that really piss me off, and see who it would piss off more if one team or another won. Detroit and Pittsburgh would be upset by their cross-division/cross-state rivals winning, and perhaps more if Chicago won because of Marian Hossa. Well, I guess that means I am rooting for Philly.
Ugh, never mind.
DRINK
… if anyone talks about how long suffering the fans of either team are. Fun fact: most sports fans are fans of multiple teams in their area. Philadelphia got a World Series from the Phillies two seasons ago, and Chicago had the White Sox in 2005. For Cubs fans who didn’t even realize the White Sox were from Chicago, they had the Bulls winning every NBA title in the 90s (roughly). Meanwhile, Minnesota hasn’t even sent a team to a championship game or series in almost 20 years. WHERE’S MY PITY PARTY?!
… any time Scott Hartnell and his fellow Ewoks take out an Imperial walker
… whenever you wish ESPN was airing the game so we could have some Barry Melrose analysis. Then remember that you would also have Neil Everett saying “Don’t Toewes me bro!” every time a Blackhawks highlight came on, and drink 5 more.
… for every longwinded rant on how racist the Blackhawks are. They should totally be the African American Hawks. /totally missing the point
Stanley Cup Drinking Player of the Stanley Cup Finals
Remember, take a drink every time Bickell is mentioned during the course of the action. Drink more for goals and buy a keg and invite me over if he is the series MVP. Now, some fun facts about Mr. Bickell.
– Played Brad on ABC’s Home Improvement.
– Probably won’t touch the ice during the finals unless someone gets hurt. He’s looking at you, Andrew Ladd!
– Spent much of his season with the Rockford IceHogs, which is a much cooler name than many other hockey teams, like, say, the Islanders, Thrashers, or Team Switzerland.
– Has to have a veteran player tie his skates for him.
Enjoy the Finals, everyone. They start this afternoon!
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