This is not a test. This is cardiac arrest.

Well. Last night was fan-freaking-tastic. Here we are. 2009 all over again. A Game 7 in a series the Bruins should have already won. They are on the edge of epic failure. While Montreal was rioting on the streets despite not winning anything yet, we were running up and down the streets flipping off our neighbors and saying things to our girlfriends that are going to result in blue balls for the next month. You probably sat around your living room with your friends not talking for an hour. Just staring at the TV hoping that if you stared hard enough, the game would suddenly continue.

When Lucic scored late, you got a lil excited. Maybe even a mini-boner. The clock expired without a tying goal, but there was hope for next game. Bruins broke their scoring slump. It was ugly. Once again the Bruins came out flat. They recovered. But it wasn’t good enough. Now they have a Game 7. At home. Now is the time you find out who has balls and who doesn’t. We already know Blake Wheeler doesn’t. But the anger is gone. There is still a pulse. We can’t take back the punches we threw at strangers. We can only look forward to Friday and hope the charges get dropped. After the jump, a recap, some coaching advice for Blake Wheeler and some advice from Claude Julien. The Bruins start gave you that uneasy feeling. They let the Flyers set the tone. Richards and Briere were buzzing. As much as we hate Richards, he has been a beast in this series. Apparently he was molested by a bear or something in his childhood because he’s going nuts against the Bruins. 7 minutes in there’s a flurry in front of Rask. He makes a couple of stops, but the Bruins fail to clear the front of the net. Again. The red light goes off but its not your mom coming onto the stripping stage. It’s a Flyers goal. 1-0. Mike Richards strikes again.

Why does no Bruins cover this guy?

We told ourselves it was just one goal. The Bruins would come back. Leighton is no Blaine Lacher. He’ll crack. Right? The first period ended with the Flyers up by that pesky goal. We decided to take Blake Wheeler aside to coach him a bit during intermission. Apparently he doesn’t understand the basic rules of hockey.
Learn offsides Wheeler. Please.

We told him the above needs to be reversed. Has anyone in the history of the game produced as many off-sides calls as Blake Wheeler? You figured this would be Hockey 101. It happens to every player. We get that. But every game? We don’t like to call out Bruins here. We’re like a proud parent that loves all our children equally. Even the special needs ones. But not Blake Wheeler. What a waste. Coyotes fans are laughing at us right now. Except they’re laughing from Winnipeg. The second period was like a flashback to when the Bruins were starting to come out of their epic losing streak. They were pressing and getting chances, but couldn’t bury anything. NHL 10 would say they were gripping the sticks just a little too tight. A casual fan would think Leighton was channeling Patrick Roy. But really the Bruins just avoided the front of the net like it was a mine field. Then Briere stepped in. Again. We’re noticing a theme. With Savard and Paille in the box, Briere and Richards went to work. Rask made a rare mistake. He tried to shoulder the puck, but knocked it in. Briere goal. 2-0. Vomit.

Some were calling for Thomas. Get real. Not that we hate Timmy, but one mistake doesn’t mean you change a goalie. Not like Rask was playing like Fleury. Boston was making too many mistakes. Once again the Bruins let Richards and Briere have their way. Days of Y’Orr staff writer Justin was in Philly and sent along this picture. Turns out the Bruins were, in fact, asleep when Briere and Richards entered the zone.

Bruins defense has been laying down the past three games.

Awful. How the players have not made adjustments to do a better job with Briere and Richards blows our minds. If we were Claude Julien, we’d be pissed. Rask too. Milk crates statewide are terrified. Late in the third the refs granted Ville Leino a penalty shot on one of the worst calls we’ve seen all season. Rask, however, gave Boston fans another “ionic” moment and told Leino that maybe when he gets older he’ll be able to beat daddy. Glove save. Should’ve been a momentum changer. Bruins failed Rask.

Two U’s + two K’s = glove saves

Looch scored with a minute left and Rask on the bench. But that was as close as it would get. The last three games the Bruins have abandoned everything that made them successful. Leighton gave up plenty of juicy rebounds, but there were rarely any Bruins in front to try to cash in. Recchi wasn’t around to give Leighton just the tip. Just to see how it feels. Now we look towards Friday. Hopefully the Bruins from the first three games of the series show up. Has anyone seen them?

This game wasn’t all negative. . Johnny Boychuk continues to impress. He was battering  Richards all game. Richards got pounded in a way that made Pierre McGuire jealous. He took the Bruins to the school of block. He was the best Bruins defender on the ice last night.
In Boychuk, We Trust

People are jumping off the  Bruins bandwagon all over. Good. Get out. See you later. Days of Y’Orr will be at the TD Garden Friday night with the real fans. Get loud people. Even if the Flyers score. Get loud. Chant Rask’s name. Hell, chant Wideman’s name. Don’t boo the Bruins if they go down by a goal. Make that building vibrate. Claude Julien was nice enough to talk to us after the game. He has a message for all of you.