I may have mentioned that a couple weeks ago, during the Vikings bye week, I spent Sunday with my grandmother. Well, this week, there was a Christmas party at the place she lives, and the entire family was invited. I knew less than half of the antendees, and it was really stodgy. The thing is, I knew that this was exactly how it would play out. And I still picked it over the Vikings-Bears game. Lets move on with the recap.
As I mentioned, the Vikings against the Bears was going to be excruciating to watch, and it didn’t dail in that regard. There were nearly a dozen turnovers, and the best quarterback for either side was Brooks Bollinger. Smelling effectiveness, he was quickly smote. But Brad Johnson wasn’t going to be plugged back in after completing about as many passes to Bears as to Vikings. So that meant Tavaris Jackson time. I openly admitted that I was excited for the Tavaris Jackson era to begin last week. Then he fumbled. Then he said that he definitely wasn’t ready to start in the NFL. So, everyone sees that Brad Johnson is awful, Brooks Bollinger is hurt, and Tavaris Jackson just doesn’t want to start. That’s where the Vikings are right now. Ths never would have happened if it wasn’t for that whole Love Boat fiasco*. Next week, I propose that we bring back Jeff George.
*not true
Back in the day (oh, the days of 2003) Steve and I had a running joke that the NFL was turning into the WWE, what with how predictable it was becoming, citing one primary example. It’s like the NFL planned for John Gruden to face the Raiders in the Super Bowl. (Given the Bucs performance lately, they didn’t make it to the Big Game because of Gruden’s excellent coaching.) Naturally, we tried to predict other stories that could happen, including a 4-way cage match, featuring the Cowboys, Eagles, Redskins and Giants. They were pretty ridiculous, but all together entertaining. The one thing that always sticks out in our memory was the idea of moving the Jaguars to Tehran so they could be villains. In any case, this last weekend those Tehran Jaguars body slammed the Mankind that is the Miami Dolphins through the Spanish announce table. And I wish that wasn’t such an excellent analogy.
I admit, I was developing a certain respect for Tony Romo after Thanksgiving, but then it was brought up repeatedly that his success has come against terrible defenses. We learned that this was true on Sunday, after he laid an egg against a team that had an excellent defense. What is troubling for the Cowboys is that the Giants excellent defense was all hurt and on the sidelines, and Romo’s throwing motion looks like he is throwing with the wrong hand. Troubling for the Giants is that a team quarterbacked by Jeff Garcia could totally wipe the floor with them right now.
Why did everyone decide this year that Mike Shanahan is a genius? At the beginning of the year, he said he was going to start Mike Bell. Now, in the midst of a playoff run, he has made a quarterback change. To Jay Cutler. I’m perplexed. Of course, Cutler performed about as well as expected on the national stage in his debut against an above average team. I will, however, say that Mike Shanahan is a genius. But only after you admit that he also experiments with mind altering chemicals.
I’m not sure what to glean from a game where Jeff Garcia gets more out of Donte Stallworth than Jake Delhomme gets out of Steve Smith and Keyshawn Johnson. Oh wait, I know exactly what to glean. And now I feel like I need a shower.
That’s it. Ignore the help wanted posters around Winter Park. – Ryan
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