This Year Will Be Different: Lottery Resolutions for 2016

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It’s a cultural epidemic – resolutions for a new year. We’ve probably all done it at some point in some way. Resolutions are a great way to point out our own flaws in a gentler, yet determined way and vow to correct them. There are more than a few teams in the NBA who could use a resolution or two in 2016, and I have some suggestions to help get them started.

Eastern Conference

Philadelphia 76ers: It’s really tempting to say that the Sixers should just make a resolution to stay doing what they do. It got them Joel Embiid, Nerlens Noel, Dario Saric, Jahlil Okafor and it just might get them Ben Simmons. Add Jerry Colaneglo to the haul and you’ve got yourself a team with plenty of pieces and the future open wide under the godfather of USA Basketball. The Sixers resolution for 2016 should be to acquire talent instead of shipping it out. There are a varying number of players that could be available on the market either through trade or free-agency – here’s to hoping 2016 is the year they add some proven talent to their potential.

Brooklyn Nets: What kind of resolution should the Nets make for this year? They could resolve to find new ownership or maybe stop trading draft picks, but they are in such a deep hole right now that it is hard to imagine them finding their way to the surface regardless. Brooklyn, please make a resolution to find a cool mascot to help keep the fans excited during your long, long trek back to contention.

Milwaukee Bucks: Jabari Parker is healthy. The Bucks mascot, Bango, is way better than anything in Brooklyn. The new jerseys and alternate designs that incorporate the entire state are on point. With some expected regression in the cards for this season, maybe the Bucks should resolve to not push to make the playoffs in some type of attempt to justify the public spending on their soon-to-be arena and instead focus on developing their youth.

New York Knicks: A lot of unfortunate things have happened to the Knicks off the court recently. It isn’t good, but New York City is probably one of the least surprising locations for this type of stuff. Derrick Williams has bad hair and shouldn’t own even a fraction of the amount of jewelry that was stolen from him. Cleanthony Early’s situation is unfortunate and no lecture is forthcoming, great news that he will make a full recovery. The Knicks resolution should be to focus entirely on the growth of Porzingis and building around him, even to the point of disregarding Carmelo Anthony – Anthony got the big money he was demanding, but he wasn’t going to win by himself. Porzingis has the opportunity to be the foundation for the next great Knicks team, and Anthony likely won’t be a significant contributor even if  he’s still on that team.

Washington Wizards: Given the relative parity in the Eastern Conference, it doesn’t seem likely that the Wizards are out of the playoffs and into the lottery at this point. The Wizards should resolve to get more sleep and properly warm-up and stretch in relation to their exercise this year so as to limit those pesky injuries.

Detroit Pistons: There are a lot of areas for improvement in Detroit. Right now, they are actually above .500 and not far out of the playoffs. This year, they should commit to forming Stan Van Gundy’s F***ing Wall.

Charlotte Hornets: Injuries certainly put a damper on the Hornets this season, but they are playing well anyway. Right on the very edge of the playoffs, they should resolve to find a new barber for Jeremy Lin. Or hire security that will let him into the facility so that he can work on his game.

Western Conference

Los Angeles Lakers: Hollywood is all about the drama and the Lakers championed that again in 2015, even if they were in the basement of the standings. Kobe Bryant is on his way out. Julius Randle, Jordan Clarkson and D’Angelo Russell are on the way in. The Lakers clearly need to double-resolve to keep losing to make sure they keep their upcoming draft pick. They should also get rid of Byron Scott.

New Orleans Pelicans: The Pels need to get a better mascot ASAP. And they need to resolve to get Anthony Davis 100-percent on board and locked in because they are in some serious trouble if he starts mailing it in.

Phoenix Suns: The Suns need a keg of gun powder and the resolve to use it. Head coach Jeff Hornacek doesn’t appear likely to stay in his position very long, Markieff Morris is a detriment, and it sounds like the season-ending injury to Eric Bledsoe is paired with the news that he doesn’t play well with Brandon Knight.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Beyond the excellent points made by Nate Duncan at The Cauldron this week, it is important that the Timberwolves make a resolution to honor the late, great Flip Saunders by making the appropriate hires to replace him in the front office and on the bench. There is a lot riding on their next coaching hire, and they need to get it right.

Denver Nuggets: Whatever it takes: make DeMarcus Cousins a Nugget.

Sacramento Kings: Whatever it takes: get the maximum assets for DeMarcus Cousins. Or get a new owner. Or both.

Portland Trail Blazers: Put the haters on blast. On the very cusp of the playoffs, blessed with the surprising C.J. McCollum revelation, they weren’t supposed to be this close to relevant.

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