It’s an exhibition game; it’s a glorified pick-up game.
– Tim Legler
Last weekend’s NBA All-Star Game was a display of some of the greatest athletic talent ever gathered in one zip code. Then the players took the floor and ruined the whole thing.
So what? How did the game matter? Did it mean anything? Was it an actual competition with anything on the line? Losers pay for the Cristal and the lap dances? Or was it just another opportunity for the NBA and its marketing and broadcast partners to sell some seriously overpriced advertising airtime?
I understand the appeal of gathering the best of the best and seeing how they fare against one another. Well, I would if that was what had actually happened in Orlando.
NBA (in)action…it’s FANTASTIC!! Or something.
The farcical proceedings in Disneyville were about many things, none of which appeared to be basketball. All one had to do was look at the dunk contest and the J.V. all-star game…er, sorry- the Rising Stars Challenge…to get a sense of how profoundly silly All-Star Weekend has become.
Once upon a time, the dunk contest meant something when stars like Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins took part. These days, stars increasingly err on the side of avoiding injury…and who can blame them? The “competition” has become as embarrassing as it is silly. Blake Griffin jumping over a car? Really? The marketing tie-in with KIA was just serendipity, I suppose? Thankfully, no one dunked over a car this year. What, the league couldn’t find an available F-16??
No disrespect intended, but has anyone ever even heard of the kid from the Utah Jazz who won? I’m asking because I can’t remember his name.
What’s next? Shooting Nate Robinson out of a cannon? (Note to David Stern: If you guys use this idea, and I don’t get a cut of the action, y’all WILL hear from my attorneys. Capice??)
As for the Rising Stars Challenge, did any of the players even need to shower after the game? It’s not as if anyone actually broke a sweat, because defense, hustle, and basketball fundamentals were nowhere to be found.
Somewhere warm and breezy, James Naismith weeps convulsively into his Dos Equis….
Then there was the All-Star Game, the piece de resistance of a weekend steeped in overindulgence, privilege, and jock worship. 152-149? Are you kidding me? The New Orleans Hornets can go almost three entire games without scoring 152 points. Was the ball red, white, and blue? Were the Kentucky Colonels playing the Minnesota Muskies? Did Paul Westhead stage a coup and depose David Stern? Were players calling their own fouls, playground style??
Call me silly, but when I’m paying a premium price to watch a basketball game, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a basketball game to break out. You know what I’m talking about- defense, setting screens, boxing out…the sort of fundamentals your CYO coach used to scream at you about on Saturday mornings? It’s sad to have to say this, and I imagine I’ll take some heat for it, but the NBA’s All-Star weekend is a (not very funny) joke. Perhaps my mistake lies in expecting, or even wanting, to see some actual NBA game action. I think I’m going to get steak…and instead get served Alpo: matador defense, lack of hustle, no team play, and little effort.
The NBA is hardly the only culprit when it comes to farcical All-Star games, just the one putting the most lipstick on their pig. Anyone who’s ever sat through the NFL’s Pro Bowl or the NHL All-Star game knows what I’m talking about…and has my condolences. Each represents a few hours of your life you’ll never get back.
The Pro Bowl, in its own inimitable way, is an even bigger farce than the NBA’s lipstick-besmeared porcine monstrosity. Blitzing isn’t allowed, so what’s left is a glorified touch football game in which the participants spend three hours praying they won’t get hurt. OK, so it’s a free trip to Hawaii for the players selected. I understand that being picked to play in the Pro Bowl is an honor (and for some players, serious bonus money). When you consider the risks involved, though, why would any player aspiring for career longevity risk serious injury in a meaningless exhibition game? It’s not as if a trip to the Pro Bowl is the only way a player can get to Hawaii.
As for the NHL…when’s the last time you saw a player throw anything resembling a check in an All-Star game? When a 12-11 final score is not out of the realm of possibility, why even bother using goaltenders (or defenseman, for that matter)? Why not just find a frozen pond in northern Saskatchewan, put out some peach baskets to mark the goals, and play pond hockey for two-and-a-half hours? (I hear Gordie Howe has a lot of time on his hands these days….) If I wanted a skating exhibition, I’d pay to see the Ice Capades or Disney on Ice. Even worse, the league picks two captains who then pick sides. Didn’t we stop doing that after Little League?? And what about the poor guy who’s left until the very last pick?
Major League Baseball, as much as I hate to give Commissioner Bud Selig credit for anything, is at least on the right track. The only real complaint I have with the MLB All-Star Game is that the best pitchers in each league normally spend only an inning or two on the mound. That concern aside, the best hitters face the best pitchers under game conditions, and those confrontations at least make things interesting. The league that wins the game gets home-field advantage in the World Series, which is absurd, but it’s at least a step towards making the game something close to meaningful.
I understand that all-star games are significant sources of revenue and recognition for the leagues. I’d submit that there are probably more effective ways for leagues to showcase their game and their top-flight talent without it degenerating into a beer league championship game. After all, doesn’t credibility have some inherent value??
And you don’t even want to know what I think of the MLS All-Star Game…
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