Thursday? Already?

I just got home from a vacation in Cancun. That’s right. While my native Minnesotans were toiling away in eight inches of snow on Monday, I was in a swimsuit in a mini-speedboat racing across sun-drenched aqua blue water… And getting possibly the most amusing severe sunburn ever–because it was less than one square inch on my right knee–looks more like I cut my knee on some coral than sunburned it, but welcome to my life. Oh, and I got to see a Michael Jackson impersonator, and you know you’re at a resort when that happens.

Anyway, I just got home from my own personal baseball opening day, so here are my predictions. You can tell the Twins lost, simply because I’m cranky and sulky, which leads to over-dramatic pessimism:

• I’m putting on the record that Justin Morneau does not hit any home runs in April. He’ll pick up in June, and in July he’ll be back to the guy we thought we were getting four years ago. But not until then.
• The Royals, to the surprise of everyone except me, will finish the year in second place in the American Central. I’ve felt they’ve been on the verge of good-ness for a couple of years now, but never quite pulled it together, but this will be the year.
• I’m not sure which of the Tigers and Indians will find themselves in first, but the other will be in third.
• The Twins and White Sox will battle for last. The Twins will be as frustrating as the pitching and hitting will not come together on the same days. Expect many more days when the Twins will lose 0-1 or 9-11.
• At least four guys will make major league debuts for the Twins by August 31–we’ve got Bass and Tolbert already!
• At least eight guys will make starts in the pitching rotation for the Twins by the end of the year.
• Scott Baker will pitch a gem and lose, and pitch horribly and win.
• Carlos Gomez, who should wear tall socks, will not, or at least will not at any game I attend.
• In April, Matt Tolbert will have a higher batting average than any other infielder.
• The Twins will have a higher win percentage than the Timberwolves.

The Timberwolves finished the season at 19-55, which is a .257 win percentage. The Seattle Sonics were 17-58, while the Memphis Grizzlies were 13-62. The Wild have clinched a playoff spot, and if they win tonight (against Calgary: outlook not so good), they’ll clinch the division. The Minnesota Swarm are 7-4.

Oh, and this was the view from my balcony in Cancun: