I promised you all a preview of the new TV lineup this fall, but really, is there a day more important than Thursday? Absolutely not. The three best shows (aside form Criminal Minds on Wednesday… love that show) are on Thursday, being My Name is Earl, The Office, and the original CSI. Additionally, the cruel network executives scheduled my guilty pleasure Survivor for the same date, and this may be the most socially significant season yet. Fortunately, I’m not a fan of the OC (is that still around?) or Grey’s Anatomy, so I don’t have a gaggle of shows to flip to, but I am a fan of the Twins. They are playing the Red Sox in a game that could catipult Minnesota into first place in the AL Central. Now, just out of the goodness of my heart (and the full confidence that Johan Santana will shut down the Sox, despite David Ortiz’s early homer) I will keep a running diary of the two hours of TV I watch tonight, so you won’t feel like you’re missing out on anything. There will, however, be spoilers. Be forewarned if you have these shows on tape.
Ugh, and before 7, Santana has already let in four runs, including two errors on the same play. (Wait, isn’t that how the Vikings beat the Panthers?) Also, I’m a little worried by his wild dives off the mound after balls. Diving doesn’t protect you, you are not a quarterback. Stay on your feet Johan. If the game is going to keep going like this I’m glad that I’ve devoted this evening to broadcast television.
7:00 Survivor, My Name is Earl:
My Name is Earl is dealing with one of the more fundamental parts of comedy. Irony. Earl is helping assure us that it is the most well written show on TV. And it’s about rednecks, which is ironic in it’s own right. See, Joy stole a truck, and Earl’s item that he is working on from the list, circuitously as always, is that he never took Joy’s side. Now she stole a truck from a retailer that would return a big piece of furniture she saw on Chaotic (Britney Spears’ show, the redneck show without irony or good writing) and he is helping to sell it for 3,000 bucks.
My first flip to Survivor revealed that *gasp* people weren’t getting along. The Hispanics were getting things done, but they were bickering, the white people were pissed off with each other, and the Asians were quietly plugging along, even though there was one person (Cao Boi) who nobody liked. So basically, it fell into every major stereotype there is.
Flipping back, I find that Earl turned into a slapstick marathon, when they realized there was somebody in the back of the truck. After they ran out of gas, the man stole the truck when they were refueling. In order to help her out, he decides to slow down the El Camino. She was still arrested from kidnapping. That’s why you ALWAYS run from the police.
7:30 Survivor continues, The Office
The big answer to the years’ cliffhanger, what happened to Jim and Pam? Jim transferred! Will that mean two episodes of the Office? Probably not, but there might be two casts. One with disfunctional (original) office and the lame, boring (Stamford) office. The other half of that little dynamic, Pam, broke it off with Roy. He looks distraught. I almost feel bad for him. Actually, I kinda do. Jim’s a bastard. Oh, and the big plot thread is that Oscar was outed. “You don’t call retarded people retards!,” Says Michael.
The Hispanics, I find flipping over to Survivor, have thrown the match to get rid of the fat guy. Saturday Night Live is doing the same thing, getting rid of the Hispanic fat guy.
OK, I can’t do the Office justice. The little quirks that you should know are that Ryan has Jim’s desk, and Michael dealt with Oscar’s homsexuality just as well as you should expect. I almost wet myself.
8:00 CSI
Thank goodness they moved the Office and MNIE to the earlier time slot. I find it much more forgiveable to miss large sections of Survivor. I’ve long felt that the biggest lure of the original CSI was that the crimes were so realistic. In essence, the show is a lot darker and less sensational than the other two, and that is much easier to stomach. Our two victims were killed at a show surrounding the demolition of an old casino, it appears.
Aha, Sara Sidle and Warrick are investigating someone who appears to have shot himself. But, neither think he did. Unbelievable! A twist! And Jim Brass is along for the ride. He really recvered quickly from a bullet in the chest. The second scene features Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes and Katherine Willows investigating the death of a Cirque performer. Pretty plodding, almost like Gil was involved. Our performer was killed by being crushed by a stage that rose and fell. Ouch.
The early line is coming in, and the favorite is a jealous coperformer and a jilted business partner as the killers. We’ll see.
It looks as though our two subplots will be that Jim Brass is getting a commendation for getting shot, and the assistant coroner keeps screwing up. He almost shot himself, and he forgot to prevent the dead guy from the implosion from bleeding all over the place. Also, it turns out I have also screwed up a couple times, now that I’ve realized that the Cirque performer was not a performer. And it turns out she was dead before being crushed. I’m guessing it wasn’t a jealous performer who did that girl in.
We find also, that our Cirque victim is from Wisconsin after Stokes spent way too much time trying to find her purse. Curioiusly, she was in dancing shape, which is interesting. She was the first non-stereotype of the night. Shouldn’t she have been drunk and overweight? And the next element in the implosion murder is the introduction of sunflower seeds. They are everywhere! My new theory is that he was killed in a dugout. By a jilted business partner.
And very suddenly, we discover that implosion guy did implode his own brain. But now, it appears, we need to find out why. And then, investigating the Cirque death apparently involves Stokes and Willows going to a John Mayer concert. For the love of Pete, original, don’t fall into the Miami trap. Unless, of course this turns into a a montage of “what are they doing now.” Which it appears in is, after they learned that Cirque girl’s death was apparentl an accident. We did learn, however, that Willows for being a former pro dancer, was really bad at it, and that John Mayer looks retarded. Also, Brass is covered in tattoos.
But then *twist* Willows got drugged! There is also an attractive look at her naked back, and finally, creepy mirror image from a diorama and the murder scene it lies in. Wow, one crime is leading to another episode. Perplexing.
So there you have it, we’re looking at Willows, who just gave herself a vaginal (sorry, Mom) swab, and the investigation of that rape while Grissom investigates the weird diorama murder. That’s next week. We’ll find out what Stokes has to say for letting Willows out of his sight at the Mayer concert, and finally find out why the hell Sarah took her pants off for Gil.
But that’s for y’all to watch. This was too much work and poorly written. Watch it yourself next time. – Ryan
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