Top 5: Shows That Scare Me

We are starting a new feature here at Bearcats Blog. It’s called Top 5. It’s mainly because I promised to get a post up today, and I don’t have anything else ready to go. There are things percolating, but nothing that has reached the boiling point. Today’s entry in the Top 5 are television shows that scare me. I don’t mean scare me like spending the night in Waverly Hills scare me, but more like freak me out. I’ll explain more once we get going. The list is in no particular order.

1. Obsessed

I had never heard of Obsessed before last night. For some reason, I decide to dvr it. The results, they were shocking. The show is about people with OCD if you don’t know. I am slightly terrified of becoming over the top OCD like. Sure I like things clean and nice, but I’m worried that I’m not far from having to always walk through doorways left foot first, landing as I exhale, all while looking east. I don’t have any rituals or anything along those lines, but every time I see a show like this, or a true life on mtv, I worry about suddenly gaining something like this and having to deal with it the rest of my life. It can not be easy and I always feel so bad for all of the people on the shows. Like last night, there was a lady who was so terrified of something bad happening to her daughter, she wouldn’t let her out of her sight, except for like school. The husband said he and his wife hadn’t had a night alone in years. When the mom dropped the girl off at school, she even went to class with her, helped her get ready for the day, and left when the bell rang to start. And it was all because she had a traumatic experience when she was 10. I’m not saying she was molested, but she was probably molested. Even though I don’t have kids, I can see where she is coming from. But, she obviously went off the deep end. The thing is, we can all go off the deep end, and that’s why this show makes the list.

2. Intervention

Zach Galifianakis said that if you put a laugh track on Intervention, it would be funny. It’s true, but that doesn’t stop Intervention from making me worry about becoming an alcoholic or a drug addict. I haven’t done meth, or crack, or huffed paint, or inhaled those things that you use to spray your keyboard, but I know if I did, it would be a tragic fall from grace. One day I’d be writing eloquently about this very topic, the next I’d be Bob Saget in Half Baked. Yeah, I couldn’t find the real video, nor did I look very hard. I wasn’t going to put I sucked dick for crack in the google search. But, if someone google searched it now, they would find this blog. I don’t know if the rest of you who watch Intervention are like me, but when they show the updates at the end, I’m always disappointed if the person relapsed. It feels like the previous hour was a let down. You get all that treatment Billy and you turn around and start using the minute you get out of rehab? Fuck you for wasting my life.

3. Jersey Shore

This show scares me because our culture is going to hell in a handbasket. A handbasket being held by the Situation and Snooki. But, we get a great view of J-Woww’s cleavage, so it’s not all terrible. I watch the Jersey Shore, you watch the Jersey Shore, we all watch it. Some of you don’t admit it, because you want to think that you are better than those of us who admit watching, and really that just makes you an asshole. Look, we all watch tv that isn’t the greatest thing in the world. VH1 has based it’s complete programming schedule on that basis. Even if are a Harvard professor, or even worse, just some stuck up douche with two popped collars and a sweater vest, like Jackson Julson, and you act like Jersey Shore is the worst, which it is, you probably watch something like Rock of Love Bus. Or if you are one of those pricks who has no tv, and constantly goes around saying you don’t watch tv, fuck yourself. Jersey Shore itself is not fear inducing, but what it leaves in it’s wake is.

4. Glenn Beck and Chris Matthews

I just think they’re both assholes. This has nothing to do with political beliefs, I just don’t like them. I’m sorry that Beck could be going blind, but too much masturbation will do that to a man. SNL thinks they are parodying Matthews, but really, it’s much more realistic than his show. Anything said by either of these two should not be taken as gospel, yet there are people out there who accept it as such. This is what I hate about cable news. I remember when CNN was the same thing for hours on end. Now, it’s assholes telling you why everything sucks because it’s not what they think should be happening, while offering nothing of redeeming value. If they were so smart, why don’t they run for anything? That’s right, because it’s much easier to not do it. And because they are making a shit ton of money. If you watch none of these shows, and only watch sports, imagine Thom Brennaman talking politics. Or Tim McCarver. I almost slammed a pencil in my ear to stop the thoughts.

5. True Blood

Vampires are just scary. Sookie I am terrifying is more like it.